Ex totally rejected our baby boy

[starlight1111]

So my ex decided when I was pregnant. He wants nothing to do with our baby, baby is born and is nearly 3 months old and he hasn't changed his mind and has blocked me, so he is pretty much uncontactable.
I just can't accept it, I feel so bad and so upset for my baby boy, he'll never have his dad cuddle him or kiss him, play with him, comfort hlm, how can you reject your child, a baby, an innocent little child, I can't wrap my head around it. I just cannot accept it. It plays on my mind day and night

Thank you for all your replies, every one of you is right, he's a disgusting human being, me and my son are better off without him, I will put in a claim for maintenance.
Sometimes you just need to hear what you already know.
I will never lie to my son, I'll be the best mum I can be to him, I look at him and can't believe he's mine, such a chilled and content baby

The absolute definition of fuck around and find out ….

That is so sad, I'm so sorry for your boy.

Even if he didnt want to be in a relationship with you, the very least a decent person would do would be to see his child regularly, give you some money towards costs, and possibly facilitate them seeing his family if they wanted to see him.

The very least.

(And that's with a contraceptive failure. It wasn't even a contraceptive failure, it was his fuck up, his risk. And him who encouraged you to continue the pregnancy).

I would focus on making sure, as far as possible, he can't come into your son's life if he feels like it.

If he's on the BV, you need to make sure he gets no parental rights. You may need legal help.

My youngest has never met his dad either. He proclaimed him the worst thing that had ever happened to him. I'm just glad he will never have to deal with the twat tbh. His sister didn't even know she had a nephew until I told her. She sees DS. His father refuses to acknowledge his existence.

@tomketchup no I mean she should claim for CMS, but he won’t miss the father he never had. Not the money

I really hope you gave your son YOUR surname?

Another one to say get that CM claim in NOW.

Let's add sexual assault to the list as he came inside you when you had both agreed he would pull out.

Do they know he exists? Would you be able to make contact for them to see him?

don’t invite this in to your life op

My child’s dad doesn’t want anything to do with her either and it’s truly heartbreaking.
But ultimately it’s his loss.

You have this amazing baby boy who you’re getting to see all of these milestones and your ex is missing out on it all.

He will never get these days back and that serves him right.

Do not ever contact your ex.
If you contact him and send him photos or updates then he’ll never want to be involved.

If he thinks that you’re doing fine without him and you’re moving on with your life then there’s more chance he will want to be involved and then you can decide whether you want him to be or not.

He didn’t pull out, knowing you weren’t using contraception.
So make sure you’re getting child maintenance.
He may get to get out of being involved physically and emotionally but he should not deprive your child financially.

Another perspective I have from seeing a number of my friends go through separations before and after birth…

My friends for whom the father has totally opted out of the child’s life have found it much easier to go on and create whole families with good men than the ones who have useless dad’s dropping in and out - and never quite leaving the space for a good guy to step in to the dad role.

I agree with PP that getting some therapy to help with this trauma is a great idea.

You sound like a loving and committed mum. Your baby can have a beautiful life with just you - and later on some good male role models.

or maybe you’ll meet someone brilliant.

either of those sounds better than being stuck with a reluctant loser…

The CMS money is rightfully and by law due, as the minimum a child can expect from an absent parent. It's wrong not to claim it.

Obsessing about what a shit person your ex is isn't healthy. You are right that he's an utterly awful human being but nothing you can do will change that. Meeting the child certainly won't so protecting your child is important and includes stopping this obsession and get on with raising your child in love. No benefit will come to your child from contact with an nrp who doesn't love him. You can claim the money from cms without any contact and your son will only know he was rejected by his fathrr if you tell him, so keep your mouth shut

You need to refra.e it before he's old enough to ask. He hasn't rejected your son. He's rejected fatherhood. It isn't anything to do with your gorgeous baby. It's about your ex.
When your son says "why don't I see Daddy?" don't say because he rejected you / didn't want you. Tell him, rightly, it's because he wasn't ready to be a Dad.

And claim CMS

You are being ridiculous not to claim CMS. Your DS is entitled to that money from his Dad. If you don't want it put it into a junior ISA for your ds. This is something you can make him do for your ds. It might make him change his mind if he has to pay for ds.

Be prepared for the 'I'm having him live with me if I have to pay' Or 'He's not mine'
That is the usual step from these men - scare the Mum into not claiming and deny paternity.

Is he on the birth certificate?

Whose surname has he got?

It doesn't matter that you don't currently need CMS. Claim it, you are entitled to it. Put it into a savings account for your son when he is older.

You decided to continue with your pregnancy against his wants as is your perogative.

She didn't.

He encouraged her to continue it for 3 months.

He took her past the point at which many people would feel it's feasible to terminate a pregnancy. First trimester over. She'd probably told people about the pregnancy, probably starting to show. What a position he put her in.

You are looking at this situation in the wrong way. Your son has been saved by you. He is not going to live with a man who doesn't love him, treat him like crap, abuse him mentally.

Sadly I had a daughter with an abusive man. It cost me a fortune and two years of our lives in family court to get rid of him. My daughter now has a very stable, loving life, a family who adores her, a stepdad and brother who treat her like a princess. I dread to imagine what might of happened if I put up with her father's abuse.

Your son has everything he needs, a loving mother, one set of grandparents who I am sure love him dearly. If he is in a stable loving home he won't miss a thing.

And I get your stance on maintenance. I decided a long time ago when he stopped paying, I would never beg for it. She doesn't need it, I don't need it. It's another reason why he is a completely useless human being, and he can do what he likes because we have zero ties to that pathetic excuse of a person. We both will never need anything from him.

Might go against the grain, but I never liked the thought of him having any kind of power over us.

This is exactly what you do.

A part of me thinks let his family know that they have a grandchild. I actually know of a family in this situation who chose to have involvement despite their son not wanting anything to do with the pregnancy/child.

However, in both your child's and your own best interests, build the best life you can and don't allow someone else's shortcomings to affect you. Life is just ridiculously unfair at times but sometimes it takes the big things to realise the calibre of people.

You can do this and your son is going to be just fine. Everyone has to meet their maker one day, whatever you believe and it won't be you answering to that. X