Hey
Summarising, left my ex 18 months ago.
Parallel parenting with a narcissist, following basic rules like yellow rock, BIFF, JADE.
We exchanged via school in term time.
Sadly it means PE/Uniform days are mixed, it's not go to school in one and come back in the same.
School don't want to get involved or be responsible so getting changed at school and leaving uniform there, isn't viable. I've been in tears the past two weeks as I'm sending my boys in with the wrong uniform daily because their father won't return items. He even sent them back in old school shoes this week that are too small, even though I've purchased 4 pairs for our boys since September as he kept widthholding them.
Every week he returns them in clothes too small or too big (our youngest, he sends in 6/7 so it's too big; our eldest, he sends in the same so it's too small). I will return his uniform but he never returns mine. Often he sends them back in shoes too small or only one set, I've had to repurchase shoes multiple times - I've been patient, he only returns them once he's seen on the school photo app that I've repurchased. Part of his stupid "I'll bankrupt you" campaign I have in writing from him.
He keeps messaging me to 'let me know' he has my uniform but hasn't returned it. He's done this before and implied I need to ask him for it if I want him back. He won't return anything otherwise. He literally hoards our belongings - I've labelled them mum's, too! Last time he dropped off a whole bag for life filled up. And it wasn't even my stuff, it was old clothes that didn't fit them or were totally ruined.. stained with ink and paint and other things not even a 2hr wash or soak could get out.
I'm officially at the point I cannot purchase anymore. I do not have the funds. I'm dealing with 70% of my income going out to solicitors to get our court order amended due to his continued malicious behaviour. I'm literally living off of pennies the next few months while I clear bills, as I also have to accommodate normal bills, fuel for work/school (I cannot move schools without his consent, and I have to drive them as it's not within walking distance of our new place whereas it is for him!), food etc. I'm praying after court, money will be better.
I'm at my wits end. I've never met someone so malicious they would punish their children to get to the other parent. I know it's also so he can campaign he's the better parent - the school thought I was just being unorganised. I've had to explain the situation and offer my receipts to prove actually, I've been replacing monthly like clockwork.
Today, I'm going to lose my last set of PE kit for my eldest. I'm stressed because he even widthheld the brand new trainers for 2 weeks, saying they were gifted to him when they weren't. Every single message is malicious and argumentative - even my solicitors had enough of him.
Is there any solution to this? Usually they go to his in normal uniform, and come back in his PE kit. I return his weekly. Once a month he gets two sets from both due to extra curricular activities I have them in. Or like today, it's an event day.
I even handmade a Snail outfit for our youngest, I sewed everything on and spent hours and he won't give it back. My youngest is heartbroken as he's asked me for it and I've had to tell him it's at his dad's, I can't buy or make a new one, and he will get upset because his dad said he can't take it to mum's.
I just don't know what to do anymore
Sadly it's not something courts are interested in, either. I just can't do it anymore and it hurts to see my kids upset - I had to cut my youngest trousers into shorts this week as their dad took all the brand new shorts.
He even does it with their pants - I have to send them in smaller pants or old pants as he takes the lot. It's not even like he takes 50%, he takes everything.
😔 any advice is appreciated.