Court for birth certificate

[Ccc111R]

Thoughts appreciated thank you:

I didn't put DS dad's name when registering his birth certificate as he was not willing to support us financially and he was fully in conversation (or more?) with his best friend otherwise know as his ex girlfriend.

I wasn't ok with the emotional energy he would put into her and ignore us.
He gamed heavily (50+ hours a week - it was like living with a very noisy ignoring ghost) and drank too much (~30 cans a week or more) that he was up until 5am every weekend and I was left to struggle in the mornings something he knew was extra challenging as I had to take sedative medication at that time.

We are now going through the court, our son is 3 and he has our son every weekend since I've been in hospital. Previously I was insisting I was present on weekends as can't bear missing out my one and only son's childhood.

Do I need to put in place a Prohibited Steps Order you stop him potentially taking our son to Northern Ireland and not bringing him back where all his family is (and they have spoken about how he should move back there and how cute it would be for him to have an Irish accent)
The solicitor is so expensive but I worried if I don't act now I may regret not addressing these kind of issues.

Dividing Christmas and Easter is going to be so tough

Do you have a Child Arrangements Order in place?

Not yet we're seeing if we can reach an agreement between ourselves with print out parent plans.

The problems are we don't agree on many things, one of them being his surname, it's currently mine and he wants it to be his. I've agreed to changing his middle name to his dads surname but I am 100% adamant our son has my surname and he can choose when he's older as I feel this man has taken so much already, it's added insult to injury.

I don't know if I'm making a mistake agreeing to him being on the certificate in the first place as he bulldozes me with many issues

But I don't want to come across badly to the court as I've just come out of a two month stay in hospital (I have bipolar) so I feel like I can't protect my son as when I tried before I ended up in hospital

I have a video of what sounds to me like the dad doing something very inappropriate but I when I play it to other people they say they can't hear anything whereas to me it sounds so clear what I'm hearing

I have a video of what sounds to me like the dad doing something very inappropriate but I when I play it to other people they say they can't hear anything whereas to me it sounds so clear what I'm hearing

What are you hearing? Him masturbating or having sex when your son is present?

Having sex with someone when my son is awake next to him having a conversation with him, what he says sounds like he's trying to distract him with toys

Who has said they can’t hear what you’re hearing on the videos?

How did you get such a video?

Everyone I have played the video to, maybe 5 people although I did send it to a lot of people before I was sectioned in March when I realised what I was listening to and got freaked out, wanting to protect my son

It is so clearly what I have outlined when I listen to it but the reality of if I am right would implode my world as the only other person in the house at that time (unless he sneaked someone in) was my mother

My being sectioned makes me scared to bring the video up again (it's more audio - I have a camera by the window for security)

The cafcass report for our first hearing referred to this but also many errors, things that just didn't happen
So the cafcass interviewer at court said I could go to the police to see if I can get the errors in the report changed
But I am so scared of being sectioned again
I'm so torn because I want to be wrong and there be nothing of concern in the video but I can still so clearly hear what I'm hearing

Security camera

Wait, your ex and your mum had sex next to your son?

That's what I fear
I want to be mistaken that I'm just hearing something that sounds like that to me and is actually not that or
That he sneaked someone in the house

I have bipolar so everyone is saying I'm imagining it and it's just me being deluded

I'm not sure I understand a lot of this... is the father currently on the birth certificate or not? And why are you sending videos to people if you believe it demonstrates he was having sec with someone? Surely that's an illegal offence to distribute intimate footage of someone without their consent or knowledge?

A birth certificate is a statement of facts, not the mothers feelings so your ex has the right to be on there.
It does give him parental responsibility but he is the other parent so that's fair.
You need to separate facts and your feelings, if the video is inconclusive as to what's happening I think you need to let it go.
Northern Ireland is part of the UK so the rights and laws are the same as the rest of the UK in regards to your ex "taking your child" there. It sticks out to me that you say you can't bear missing out on your child but his father probably feels the same, your child isn't a toy they are a human who needs and deserves the love and time of both parents. Its not about you it's about your child

I should have taken it straight to the police I did try but have bipolar got in the way and I relapsed and was sectioned, sending the video to many people was a bad idea but I was in shock

I wanted us to be a family so we wouldn't have to divide our sons time who I don't treat as a toy he is my world and I'm heartbroken I only see him half the time at the moment

I also had two months recently where I didn't see him at all as I was in a psychiatric hospital

@Ccc111R I don't understand how you wanting to be a family is related to not putting your child's father on the birth certificate. It seems he has regular access to the child and there's no dispute over parentage so why would you withhold his name?

I'm agreeing to his name on the certificate now against my instinct that he is going to take our son to Northern Ireland and I fear not return. I am very hurt by his affair and him dumping me like I'm nothing just disposable

@Ccc111R what evidence do you actually have that he has any plans to return to Northern Ireland?

And just to add, your feelings about being hurt and disposable are nothing to do with his relationship with his child. You need to learn to separate those two things. He did an awful thing... to you. That's a relationship issue and shouldn't have had any bearing on whether he was on the BC or not.

His entire family lives there

When I visited they were very keen for him to move there and discussed how cute it would be for our son to have a Northern Irish accent

I didn't put him in the birth certificate initially because I was aware of his ex being so important to him and he was prepared to support us financially

He was not prepared to support us financially

@Ccc111R his financial responsibility towards his child also has no bearing on the birth certificate. You know he's the child's father, he knows he's the child's father. All you were doing by not putting his name down was being manipulative and using his parental rights and responsibilities as something to dangle.

@Ccc111R nothing you've said here remotely indicates that he has plans to move. So his family would like him to move back and think the accent is cute... and what? Is he job hunting? Looking at property? Making actual plans or even hinting that he's moving? Doesn't sound like it.

Yes I wanted him to commit to me, for us to get married
I was not prepared to be treated to poorly that I felt neglected and abused by his dropping me as soon as I asked him to help me with the hoovering when I was four months pregnant. He then picked up his relationship with his ex
So no I wasn't happy with the way he treated me
If you're saying I'm manipulative I'd say his behaviour towards me was worse