Court for birth certificate

[Ccc111R]

Thoughts appreciated thank you:

I didn't put DS dad's name when registering his birth certificate as he was not willing to support us financially and he was fully in conversation (or more?) with his best friend otherwise know as his ex girlfriend.

I wasn't ok with the emotional energy he would put into her and ignore us.
He gamed heavily (50+ hours a week - it was like living with a very noisy ignoring ghost) and drank too much (~30 cans a week or more) that he was up until 5am every weekend and I was left to struggle in the mornings something he knew was extra challenging as I had to take sedative medication at that time.

We are now going through the court, our son is 3 and he has our son every weekend since I've been in hospital. Previously I was insisting I was present on weekends as can't bear missing out my one and only son's childhood.

Do I need to put in place a Prohibited Steps Order you stop him potentially taking our son to Northern Ireland and not bringing him back where all his family is (and they have spoken about how he should move back there and how cute it would be for him to have an Irish accent)
The solicitor is so expensive but I worried if I don't act now I may regret not addressing these kind of issues.

Dividing Christmas and Easter is going to be so tough

You can also file a plain with CMS without him being on the bc

Ps he's a prick just like my ex who also turned nasty to me when I expressed any needs in the pregnany. It's an awful thing to go through I have been exactly in your shoes.

Sounds of female moaning slapping sounds him orgasming groaning

Bad advice- I was advised NOT to apply for a 'lives with' order as he has to be told about it and if I did then it would prompt him to immediately apply for child arrangements order. If op applies for a lives with order her ex might do so to and given what's happened he might even win.

Op has nothing to gain and lots to lose from going to court.

We've started court with first hearing where I've agreed to him being added to the birth certificate which was always my intention just his being so cruel got in the way so I wanted to wait until our son was older so I had some leverage in terms of him being taken to Northern Ireland without me

Is it worth going to CMS before our final hearing next month? He stopped me getting child benefit the minute I was sectioned so I feel like I'm dealing with someone who doesn't want to give anything and will be quite brutal about it

How did you cope and what helps now?

Yes you can go to the CMS at any point as it's totally separate to court and child arrangements.

But first put the days he's with each of you and his salary into the calculator online to check it's worth it as they might say he'd have to pay less than he already does. If he pays nothing then it's worth claiming.

@Ccc111R if you were sectioned then he had every right to claim child benefit. PIP also stops when you've been in hospital for 28 days. If he was shouldering the costs for the child while you were in hospital then why would you be claiming the child benefit?

It seems cruel. I think he would have preferred I never recovered. PIP didn't stop after 28 days

You've sent it to 5 people and 5 people disagreed. OP what I'm saying to you now is for your own good. Even if your absolutely convinced your hearing what your hearing at least 1 of those 5 other people would have heard it and agreed. I think before you got sectioned the police/doctors would have asked to listen to the video aswell and heard nothing concerning.

If you continue behaving like this your going to lose your son. You can't keep your ex off your sons birth certificate and if you keep trying to cut his access, they could decide to grant him custody and you access. This could also happen if this keeps coming up with the video. I'm not saying this to be cruel I'm saying it to avoid you losing your son.

None of us were there, none of us know what happened in that room but I think what we can say is the video hasn't convinced anyone but you of what happened and because of that you really should let it go because there's nothing else you can do.

@Ccc111R if you're in hospital for more than 28 days then you're obligated to inform PIP and it stops while you're in hospital

This

Acctually her mum should have done it as she had the baby more than the dad

I didn't have access to a phone the entirety of the two months I was hospitalised

@Ccc111R did you not have a social worker or liaison worker in hospital?

It matters not one jot whether his father is named or not. Literally who would know or care ( aside from giving the father "rights" he may misuse
We have DNA if there's any actual issue. His dad knows he's the dad and is able to bring up his child as a dad.
Otherwise the birth certificate is just an official documents that may prove useful to get other documents. His father being on it is neither here nor there.

It's actually very important to the father as it gives him parental rights... the judge can order a DNA test and give him them anyway which they will do if she refuses to put him on it and then he can use that to get what ever documents he wants. It's also important for decisions about health and schooling. They will look extremely negatively upon her if she refuses the father rights.

@Invent it's much more than "neither here nor there" to a child who has every right to have their legal parents named on their birth certificate

Op whether a father is named on a birth certificate is irrelevant to child maintenance.
Do not under any circumstances give your son any other surname than yours. Absolutely nobody can force you to change your son’s name, nobody.
If you give your son your ex’s name you can NEVER change it on his birth certificate.
If it means that much to your ex, he can change his name to that of your son, by deed poll.
Stop letting him have your son every weekend. Change this now to alternative weekends and a night in the week. Your ex can pick him up from school once your son starts school.
The video. Let it go. It doesn’t change the issue of access.
Your ex sounds like a dick but the courts will not take that into account.
Hell, if every piece of shit parent was prevented from seeing their children, the vast majority of children would never see their parents again.
Try and separate facts from feelings, easier said than done.

No, NHS broken from lack of funding

Thank you helpful advice

Why shouldn't she let him have him every weekend? She needs a regular break In my opinion. She's angry at the moment. I don't want her to lose custody of her son. If this carries on it will be her getting weekends, the family courts are not to be triffled with, she needs to understand the implications

That's what I fear

His family send him properties in Ireland and highlight how much more affordable they are (he is currently renting not a home owner)

I think you need to face the facts.
As a PP said no one gets admitted for what you are claiming. You even admit that the NHS is broken due to lack of funding which means that your drs and whoever else sanctioned you must be worried about you.
did they ask to see the video? And how did it come about?

I’m painfully aware that facing your MH is hard, as a PP said growing up with a parent with severe MH problems is an adverse childhood experience, so please accept help and get it.