Court for birth certificate

[Ccc111R]

Thoughts appreciated thank you:

I didn't put DS dad's name when registering his birth certificate as he was not willing to support us financially and he was fully in conversation (or more?) with his best friend otherwise know as his ex girlfriend.

I wasn't ok with the emotional energy he would put into her and ignore us.
He gamed heavily (50+ hours a week - it was like living with a very noisy ignoring ghost) and drank too much (~30 cans a week or more) that he was up until 5am every weekend and I was left to struggle in the mornings something he knew was extra challenging as I had to take sedative medication at that time.

We are now going through the court, our son is 3 and he has our son every weekend since I've been in hospital. Previously I was insisting I was present on weekends as can't bear missing out my one and only son's childhood.

Do I need to put in place a Prohibited Steps Order you stop him potentially taking our son to Northern Ireland and not bringing him back where all his family is (and they have spoken about how he should move back there and how cute it would be for him to have an Irish accent)
The solicitor is so expensive but I worried if I don't act now I may regret not addressing these kind of issues.

Dividing Christmas and Easter is going to be so tough

@Ccc111R I'm not condoning his behaviour. I'm criticising you using his parental rights as something to punish him with. That serves your interests only, not your child's and you seem unable to separate your hurt from what is actually in the best interests of your son

Is it in my son's best interest to be with a father that has sex in front of him?

@Ccc111R nobody you sent the video to agrees that's what it shows... the consensus is that you're misinterpreting it so you can't use that as any kind of indication of anything.

Not if the father is a flight risk.

op, stop him having every weekend. That isnt fair on you when your child is at school so dont start that now. Go to every other weekend and offer an alternate week night. They get less interested in parenting when parenting involves actual parenting and not just fun stuff or lazy days on weekends.

I feel like I'm talking to my ex

@Ccc111R are you still getting support for the bipolar?

You sound very hurt and disappointed your relationship didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you had any right to keep your child’s dad off the birth certificate. Whether he is a good partner or a good dad has no bearing on him being the undisputed biological father. It is quite controlling of you to think you could blackmail him into marrying you and then punish him because he didn’t.

You need some support to work through all these tangled emotions and make some clear decisions.

Doe she actually pay maintenance? If not got through csa

This sounds very difficult.

It's probably all a mixture of his behaviour towards you and your bipolar. You know exactly what he's like and when you explain this to people everyone just assumes it's your bipolar talking as maybe he charms everyone around him?

Do you qualify for legal aid? This might be a good option atleast just to see where you stand

I can't imagine a court agreeing to him moving with your child when you are both involved in your child's life

@TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled there's no evidence that he's a flight risk other than OPs ex's family allegedly thinking it would be cute if her son had a Northern Irish accent. There's also no evidence that he actually had sex in front of the child... supposedly with the child's grandmother of all people. I'm surprised that so few people here are missing how deeply flawed OPs thinking around all this is.

@Ccc111R why? Because I'm challenging you on the inconsistencies in what you're saying and pointing out that you're letting your hurt over the relationship cloud your judgement on what is actually best for the child?

Who had care of your son while you were sectioned and in hospital for 2 months?

I have clearly stated I have bipolar and yes maybe all of this is to blame on my thinking errors but I have an audio on a security camera video where I can clearly hear what I have outlined and I wish I couldn't hear it because it would implode my world if it were accurate, I've already spent two months April and May this year sectioned trying to flag my concern

It feels like because I have bipolar I can't protect my son

I should pay child maintenance?

I have bipolar disorder also. I was diagnosed 18 years ago and spent three months last year under section in an acute inpatient unit. This is nothing to do with your bipolar disorder and I've not once insinuated that you cannot care for your child properly because you have bipolar disorder.

My mother and the father
He was coming over every evening for dinner and to do bedtime at my mothers and then he would have our son on the weekend
Which has set a precedent for him having him on the weekend now which every weekend I feel is unfair

I think your mental health is affecting how you see things and your decision making.

Thank you because I'm scared the father will weaponise my mental health against me in court as he has done in day to day life

Every argument (about the ex he wanted to be with) was me relapsing

I really hope so but wouldn't it be horrific if it were true and no one believes me because I have mental health issues

Has your bipolar affected being a parent?

Well so far nobody has agreed with you about the video...

Put the ex aside for a minute; do you believe your mum would have sex with your ex in front of her grandchild?

@Ccc111R of course it has. Parenting with serious mental illness always has an impact on the children, no matter what we do to mitigate that. There's a reason it's considered an adverse childhood experience to be parented by someone with a mental illness. But what you're describing is not because you're having an episode, it sounds like a decision you made as a result of feeling hurt that your partner cheated on you. The two are not the same.

@Ccc111R I say this very gently. Have you spoken to any mental health professionals about your current concerns? I think you should because you don’t sound entirely well. The likelihood that your mother, who obviously cares for you and your son a lot, would have sex with your ex in front of your son, doesn’t sound entirely plausible. And if nobody else is hearing what you hear, isn’t it more likely that it’s because it’s just not true than everyone else conspiring against you?

I would urge you to speak to whatever professional is looking after your mental health about this sooner rather than later.

You said nobody has agreed with you about this - you need to trust what people are saying. You cannot be distributing videos, that you believe show people having sex, without their consent. You could get into a heap of trouble doing that. So you should hope that the people telling you its not what you think are right.

Why do you think he has more right to share a name with his child than the woman that grew and birthed said child?! 🤯