Is it possible for both parents to work full time with 3 children?

[mswhereami]

If they can do it with one and two, can they do it with three?

I am considering growing my family. I prefer age gaps and have a 7yo and 3yo. We both however work full time (mostly from home with flexibility but FT hours).

I feel like I can love three equally but worry about the time that maybe split between the 3. Because we don't have family round I have no support but that also seems like a driver to me to have a bigger family myself...

(I am fully aware fertility may not allow etc and we can afford a 3rd, have the space and are not big theme park goers so don't worry about seats on a ride).

Do you know any parents with 3 that work full time, are they coping?

I really struggled going from 2 to 3 and working….we ended up moving closer to family for support and this made all the difference….not the same for everyone though…I’m sure lots cope well ( my eldest 2 were 7 and 4.5 when 3rd was born)

Thank you, this is the insight I need.

Would you mind elaborating, what did you struggle with and was your third planned? I sometimes wonder I am I not content with just 2 but I can't for some reason stop my heart from wanting 3!!

Are your DC the same gender or one of each? My friend is the middle child and the second girl. She always felt like a bit of a spare part between her older sister and younger brother.

I've worked full time always and have 3 kids. It gets easier as they get older!!

I have one of each. I do worry my second would go through the 'middle child syndrome' but isn't there also the older child syndrome and third child syndrome...not too sure!

How did she feel left out?

How old are they now? Did you have any family support?

Is 'coping' what you want from life though?

Each to their own, and I know some people thrive being busy, but for me, work life balance is important. I wouldn't get the life balance I want if I worked full time and had 3 kids.

Yes, I do like being busy...

I also live being a mum...

I have 3 children : me and DH both work full time. They went to nursery full time. I was fine. It’s easier now they’re 11, 9 and 7 though!

You can only do this imo with significant family support and/or enough money to buy in significant help. If you have neither of these things, you can do it, but you'll be utterly exhausted and run ragged.

Personally if I was you, I'd be sticking with two. But then I'm a huge fan of an easy life.

Ha we have the exact same gaps as @Kitkat1523 😁 they are lovely gaps. Number 3 is now 2 and I am finding it hard at the mo tbh (and I am a SAHM!). We do barely any fun clubs, activities etc because she naps 12-3 so only have the mornings and can’t get going until 9 because we have school run before then. And after school it’s the big ones’ clubs etc. But I am retraining and thinking it will be nice for her to be in nursery (she goes 2 days a week at the mo while I’m training and will go up to 3 so I won’t be full time). Definitely thinking a nanny will be a much simpler option for the after school hours. And I wouldn’t have to think about dinner either as that’s the bane of my life.
It’s lovely but hard time-wise.

So basically. Maybe it’s EASIER if you work full time as nursery deal with the daily fun and naps and potty training?? I don’t know, I haven’t experienced it. And it will sure get a lot easier once DD is in nursery (although that’s when nanny would be good for after school hours!)

I think some people need more sleep or down time than others. If you're ok with working all day, kids all evening and then spending the time after bedtime doing laundry and housework before going to bed then you'll cope better than someone who needs to rest before they go to bed.

How can anyone afford nursery for 3 kids? I used to work nights and my exH days and nobody ever got any sleep.
We only had one.

Of course it is possible but it is hard.

Cars, holidays, even "family tickets " for things are on the assumption of two adults two children. Plus if it's two adults two children then there is effectively a parent / child ratio of one to one. Plus you get the middle child syndrome of feeling forgotten about.

That said I would never regret having 3.

Do you think I'm being mad considering another 😂.

Because I work from home I get all my chores done during working hours. I do have a demanding job however so some weeks are more flexible than others.

I try and get all laundry done during the week and do the school laundry on weekends. I deep clean the house on a Friday evening while DH is out with the kids doing the weekly shop. I meal prep Sat morning which makes meals easier during the week. Kids are fed around 6pm, we do bath time, reading by 7pm. My 3yo is in bed by 7:30pm and DD has some one to one time and is in bed by 8.30pm. In the evening my husband and I spend some time together, watch a series together and I may catchup on work if needed.

My husband also tends to get his chores done during the week. Will mow the lawn, wash the car on a Sat morning with the kids splashing around with him.

All clubs at the moment are through school (sports, music) and DD has some language classes after school. 3yo doesn't have any clubs yet but I'm sure he will soon once he starts FT school.

Weekends are our family time, we usually go for walks a bit of play or sometimes give my husband a break and meet a friend for a play date.

It is full on but I think I will miss these days when things are 'easier.' I would say I didn't ,consider a third earlier because my second was a wild child, a handful, so active and I did feel at the end of my tether on some days but now he is out of that phase I sometimes think of adding another and growing our family because we don't really have anyone other family around us.

I am vary wary on support however which we will have the lack of but I have used preschool for my first 2 which would be the same with a third..

Yes, nursery do help with the daily doing but I don't think it makes parenting any easier. My second in preshool atm does come back shattered, he spends his day will lots of children and I do feel he is sometimes over stimulated. He tells me he is tired by 7pm. Potty training has been hit and miss, he was doing well at home over the Easter holidays but at preschool it all went potty! Pun intended. Lots of pros still in terms of social skills and sensory learning etc.

How old are they now?

Did you end up having one in Secondary, one in Primary and one in Nursery? Was it 3 separate school runs?

I always wonder in these threads what people mean by certain words.

“Support” tends to mean “help” as in “doing things for us” - pick ups, drops offs, babysitting etc. That’s beyond support.

“Cope” tends to mean “not lose my mind every day having to be in two places at the same time”. Who can “cope” in that way?

Of course you can have three DC working FT from home. The question is what sort of life you want for yourselves, and for your DC. No, each child won’t get as much attention as your two existing ones get - how can they? Yes, standard may slip. Yes, money may be tighter. Yes, there may be more chaos and more exhaustion and more tantrums etc. But the chances of you being sectioned or leaving your family or the couple falling apart ie not “coping” and probably very slim.

It will just be a different life to the one you have. That’s all.

It sounds like you have no time for socialising or hobbies of your own and presumably you are happy with that. Some people might find that difficult though.

We sound very similar. We both worked full-time in stressful, professional roles after DD1 and DD2. No family support as we live too far away. Went for number 3 and couldn't be happier. Girls were 7 and 4 when DS1 was born. I've since decided to go part-time, 3 days a week. We're very fortunate in that we're high earners so can afford it, and I just felt a strong need to spend more time with our 3rd whilst he's little, as we know he's our last. It's definitely do-able to work full-time, but I'm not sure you'd have a good balance.

Hmmm that is true. My husband is into fitness so he makes time to go to the gym a few times a week. He also likes property development so likes to spend some time on projects a few times a month.

Socialising we do as a family tbh as our friends are now parents too. I do encourage my husband to see his friends from time to time however as I am aware that just parenting and working isn't for everyone but he's also happy with the family time we have.

During holidays we will have family over or we go to see family (they live between 2 and 5 hours away) and we like getting all the kids together.

My career was very important to me once upon a time and a lot of my hobbies did revolve around learning in that field so I could progress. But I've gotten to a good place with that really, happy to stay where I am for a good few years. Before I would consider a promotion every 2 years. Don't really have a hobby but love spending time with my children and making life fun and meaningful for them, I find it very rewarding 🙂.

my middle one had just started school when number 3 was born…we were just getting to a place where life was a little easier and then we were plunged back into babyhood …..so doing school runs, taking baby to childminder and working I just felt frazzled.
i ended up taking baby to after school activities like ballet and swimming lessons….having to change and dress 2 kids while having a baby to tend to and watching x 2 lessons ( which were 30 minutes time difference) was exhausting.
holidays were hard ….we weren’t skint but we didn’t have loads of money ….so in the early years couldn’t afford 2 hotel rooms abroad ( easy when you only have 2 as 4 in a hotel room works well ) ….we spent years going to a caravan park in France as it was more affordable.
Eldest was a boy, then a girl …and baby was a boy….so nearly 8 years between oldest and youngest….so we spent money ( we didn’t have ) converting the loft so they could all have own bedrooms….I mean the boys could have shared but to me the age gap was too wide .
I wouldn’t have chosen to have a 3rd ( contraception fail) but once they are here you just get on with it.
getting babysitters was harder …. But that may not bother you….none of this may bother you,..but just things I found harder.
I had my first 2 in my 20s ….very easy pregnancies…. Number 3 pregnancy took its toll ….although I was only very early 30s …. I had 2 very healthy children however the 3rd had health isssues that meant lots of hospital appts and in patient stays ( obviously could happen to any child) ….but made life much harder.
obviously this is just my story …. Everyone’s is different

i also spent 15 years ironing school uniforms 🙄

I think it just depends on the person, this is one of those things where it is just people being different rather than one being better than the other. You've got to try and do what suits you.

Was the decision to go for a third easy? I sometimes worry about our age, DH is 40 and I'm 37. Have I left it too late? 😥