Is it possible for both parents to work full time with 3 children?

[mswhereami]

If they can do it with one and two, can they do it with three?

I am considering growing my family. I prefer age gaps and have a 7yo and 3yo. We both however work full time (mostly from home with flexibility but FT hours).

I feel like I can love three equally but worry about the time that maybe split between the 3. Because we don't have family round I have no support but that also seems like a driver to me to have a bigger family myself...

(I am fully aware fertility may not allow etc and we can afford a 3rd, have the space and are not big theme park goers so don't worry about seats on a ride).

Do you know any parents with 3 that work full time, are they coping?

We have 3 boys and love it. They are much closer in age to yours and are older than yours but v close to each other .
I work 24 hours a week in education but have another side hustle that’s busy also and my dh is f/t . We have absolutely zero family support not even occasional babysitting and never have . We are ok as I work in education but it’s v v v full-on.
I have to say that I don’t agree with it being way easier in terms of working when they are older; much longer holidays, earlier finish time in school, activities etc ( this is particularly true if where we live ) . Also our kids love sports and that takes up time after school and weekends. I miss the times when our weekends were just more free!
Obviously so much easier to work from
home though . Is also consider if you have “ easy” kids , our kids are all totally different and v different challenges .

Thank you!

I do think about that too. First was very easy, second not so much!

It sounds like you really want to do this op so probably do need to!

As I'd hate to do this, I'll list some more of my negatives for you to consider if you wish...(not as a negative, but it's good to do things with your eyes open)...

1. None of your dc will be able to compete at any kind of high level of sport (unless they are within walking, public transport accessible) of the required facilities.

1. I had my last child at 35. I found being a mum to a baby/toddlers in late thirties easy, I found being a mum to under tens in my early forties easy, I am finding being a mum to hormonal teens whilst I go through the menopause myself, frankly such hard hard work. Teens can be much much harder work than any age before that. And I am so so much tireder at 50 than I was at 40. Like bonkers more.

1. Whilst you seem happy to have no social life/hobbies of your own at the moment, that might change.

1. One hour of your time can currently be split 30 mins per child, that instantly becomes 20mins.

You sound like one of those easy going energetic types op....three kids and a full time job would finish me off but you sound quite resilient and keen..so why not!

Not me, but friends have done it with 4. Both parents are high earners though, and they had a nanny/housekeeper and a cleaner. If you can afford help (or have family willing to offer) then it makes it much more doable.

I was 37 when our 3rd was born. We are so similar! Definitely not too late! We had fertility issues so had an embryo left over from IVF. I just had a niggling feeling for a 3rd that never left. All baby clothes and toys automatically went up to loft. A friend one day said to me, you do realise you want a 3rd, you're keeping everything! So we went for it and honestly it's the best thing we've done. He's 1 now and is a doddle, just slotted right in to family life. I felt complete as soon as he was born :-)

Tell me that when you’ve got 3 teenagers

I think it depends on your older 2 DC. I have 3 DC. They are grown up now but DH and I worked full time, me as a teacher. I did have school holidays off which helped. Older two tended to do things together like swimming, horse riding, sports or art and our youngest was only born when the older two were 10 and 8. All my DC were very good sleepers and slept in their own cot/ bed room from about 9 months old. I think it's much harder if the kids have to share rooms and wake each other up or they are dreadful sleepers. If everyone gets a good night's sleep because the next day is just so much easier for all of you. My grandson is a terrible sleeper and was still awake half of every night at 4-5. I don't know how my DD and SiL managed with hardly any sleep.

Of course it's doable but it's hard as fuck.

I lost my mind and suddenly felt the need for a third and it's logistically/emotionally/financially made every aspects of our lives harder.

We both HAVE to work FT or we can afford it.

Our weekends are spent tag teaming to different social events and trying to keep various sets of grandparents happy (including an exceptionally needy and fucking eternally miserable MIL) we live for our one family holiday a year which is now so expensive I cry about paying for it.

Two kids that are now independent and maturing and childcare fees were so much less, to back in the nursery days.

Having said that - I wouldn't turn back the clock and undo it.

But it's fucking HARD.

I have 3 - two of which are twins though - and work full time (and a single parent) it's bloody hard to give them all the attention they deserve and I constantly have mum guilt.

Meeee. But we do have parents nearby and they are most of our babysitters and some care in school holidays which is great, and makes a huge difference. Although half of our socialising is school events these days!! We have two at school (one started this year) and one in childcare. Mornings are manic as Dh leaves at 6 so it’s just me. He also doesn’t really work from home, my friends with lots of kids and big jobs share the wfh days more equally. Childcare is expensive, we do not get the housework done during the week either. Your relaxed family time weekends will disappear, our 3rd doesn’t even do any activities yet. Tuesday morning ds9 & 6 do tennis before school , Tuesday night ds9 does piano, Wednesday 5pm he does footy, Friday before school is basketball training, Sat am is ds6 footy and ds9 basketball, plus they both have swimming lessons Sat am /early afternoon. Sunday ds9 plays footy, and then there are parties to get them to. At the
moment we have 4 parties to get to in the next few weeks I think. I try and get to the gym one night a week and Pilates one night a week, but have evening meetings with work which can clash. School requires parents to contribute- I am on a planning committee. Life is full on, just to be honest with you, the house is messy and the garden a disaster. But I would never ever regret dd, she is the most beautiful little dictator in the world.

We've just had baby #3

DD is 6 and DS 2. It's a way off but I'm dreading going back to work as juggling with 2 was hard enough but we'll do it. I've got a cleaner lined up to help out once a fortnight 😂
Also no family nearby to help out. I keep telling myself once we're out the woods with childcare fees then life will be a bit easier. Not less stressful but will lessen the financial burden and more disposable income to do family things together

We have 3DC (now 16, 15 and 12) and both work FT but when they were younger we both worked 4 days a week then 4.5 days a week. We don't live near family so had no family support. Children went to a nursery, we didn't have a nanny. We both have jobs that are mostly regular working hours and we don't do much travelling for work, both do hybrid work and have short commutes. We both have generous holiday allowances which we made full use of and DH took a week of unpaid parental leave for a few years. DS has a chronic health condition that means he was in and out of hospital when he was younger (it's well controlled now).

I have several workmates and friends who also WFT and have 3DC. You need to be very organised, get as much paid help in as possible (cleaner, gardener, window cleaner, handyman etc), and have a co-parent who does as much of the wifework as you, your marriage needs to be very equal. You can't do it if you're married to a man who thinks his career is more important than yours and does a highly identifying hobby all day Saturday.

It's completely worth it, I love having 3DC and they all get on (not all at the same time). But I do think not everyone is capable of it, in the same way that not everyone could do my job.

Yes we did this- 3 kids, we both worked full time and didn't have any family nearby. My DH now works 30hrs but is caring for his terminally ill mum (who we moved to be nearer) so that actually means he has less time!
We manage largely because I wfh, have a fairly flexible job and we have good wraparound care and nursery. It also costs an arm and a leg though. Balancing activities and ensuring a fair spread of playdates/sleepovers is hard as they get older (but not old enough to go anywhere alone- all mine are under 10). DD1 would love to do more singing and acting (does 6 hours a week already) but that would mean a sibling giving up an activity which isn't going to happen. The two girls play for football teams that seem to play games at opposite ends of town at the same time- goodness knows how we will manage when DS plays matches as well, but we will! We have an incredibly busy life which is planned with military precision but I wouldn't change it for the world!

We have four and we both work full time in senior and demanding roles. No family around at all. We use nursery/after school club. We try and make it so one of us is working from home every day so we can do drop offs and pickups more easily. It is hectic but we are very organised and that helps a lot.

Family with four children at school work full time. One is a consultant and tends to work four days but also has flexibility on one of the weekdays. The father works in London but also seems to have a fairly flexible jobs for all the school performances that are on. They have a nanny during the week and the dad often has to call in favours for parties at the weekend if the mum is on call. However, they reciprocate those favours and it all seems to work well for them.

I’ve got 3 kids, 8, 3 and 2. I worked full time for about 6 months but have dropped back down to 30 hours. If I could afford to lose another day, I absolutely would. It’s possible, but very difficult ime. I worked full time with my eldest and my middle son and the jump to 3 kids working full time was too much. Their dad has always worked full time, in the early days with my eldest he worked 60-70 hour week regularly. Now he does a normal working week. We also have some family support but it’s pretty limited.

We have three, with a three year gap between each sibling. Wouldn't change it for the world - in fact I wish we'd started earlier and had four. Yes it's hard work, but show me something worthwhile that isn't? We had a day nanny rather than using daycare which was a gift, but not much family support (I live overseas.) I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

My second was twins so we had 3 kind of unplanned. They’re now 8,5,5. I work 60% (had to take a career break after the twins as couldn’t afford nursery on my already part time salary), husband is full time. We do have support from my parents who come over one afternoon most weeks so that I can ferry two of my kids to and from an activity without having to bring the 3rd, they will babysit in the evening a few times a year, and will have the 3 of them in the holidays for 3 days (covers a week of work for me) . My thoughts are

Life would certainly be more comfortable finances wise with just 2. A day out to a theme park or anything paid for really is a once every 2-3m treat. Holidays have to be carefully planned. You can’t generally use hotels (once the baby is older) as 5 to a room will be too many at most places. I don’t know how stuff like funding university is going to go.

I can’t say yes to all the activities they want to try. Even apart from the money issue it’s not fair to have to schlep two kids around with to the third’s after school activity, nor particularly pleasant for anyone. They all do gymnastics and swimming and anything else they have to hope it comes up as a school club.

they are so bloody different it’s impossible to keep them all happy! In particularly one of the twins is happiest at home and the other goes crazy if we don’t get out for at least a few hours every day. We often end up splitting into two groups at the weekends which is a shame. And finding a single meal they’ll all eat happily? That’ll be meatballs and pasta then. Literally nothing else. And the bickering between 3 of them my god.

it is hard to have time on your own with 3. It’s getting easier as they get older but leaving one of us with all 3 for more than a few hours is a big ask, the one left with them is knackered by the end of it. I have some time on my own during school hours due to only working part time but it’s mostly spent running errands and doing family admin. Husband’s alone time is generally just his commute on the days he doesn’t WFH… I’d say your husbands days at the gym will probably be numbered for a while. The age gap you’ll have is nice but means they will be into quite different things, it will be hard to keep them all happy with one activity.

having said that they are amazing and I love them with all my heart and do sometimes find myself feeling sorry for people who only have 2 (although that was our plan). the cuddles are incredible. while simultaneously thinking anyone who chose to have 3 or more must be crazy!!

I work FT with 3. Tonnes of my FT colleagues have 3+ we generally have bigger families here in Ireland. It is obvs busy but good.

Me and dh work ft and have 3 children. No family support. However I have only worked ft since youngest was about 9. Until then various part time or term time working hours. I work ft now as I have had a big career change.
Honestly it is hard at points but I love my job and my children.

I only have two kids and don’t work full time. This is mostly because dp has a well paid but long hours job- he relies on me doing the majority of the running about. I couldn’t do it if I worked FT - we’d have to manage between us and that would be HARD.

it’s definitely possible but it would be pretty hard going not to mention expensive in childcare terms to work FT with three kids. I think it’s possibly hardest when kids are 7-10 when they are not wanting to go to childcare as too old but also not old enough to be left at home. Luckily we mostly wfh so that is easy for us but not everyone.

I have four and we both work full time ( no3 was twins which is always a possibility) but are divorced now. You need to be super organised/ flexible/ get good at negotiating favours with parents of similar age kids as there are clashes in scheduling. Tomorrow they have a mix of archaeology club, musical theatre, ballet and end of term disco. All at different times. It gets easier as they age as can get themselves there and changed and just need collecting.

Is your DH willing to go part-time or drop his gym to accommodate a third child's needs?

We have 3 kids and work full time. No local family/cleaner/nanny. My husband does a lot though and we work from home which also helps. I'm happy with my life - have a hobby and do some volunteering supporting kids extracurricular. I don't know many 3 kids families in real life but those I met were amazing - a lot of fun and creativity, fellow parents of 3 kids you are 🌟