Is it possible for both parents to work full time with 3 children?

[mswhereami]

If they can do it with one and two, can they do it with three?

I am considering growing my family. I prefer age gaps and have a 7yo and 3yo. We both however work full time (mostly from home with flexibility but FT hours).

I feel like I can love three equally but worry about the time that maybe split between the 3. Because we don't have family round I have no support but that also seems like a driver to me to have a bigger family myself...

(I am fully aware fertility may not allow etc and we can afford a 3rd, have the space and are not big theme park goers so don't worry about seats on a ride).

Do you know any parents with 3 that work full time, are they coping?

She felt that they wanted one of each so when she was another girl, they kept trying till they got a boy.

I have 3. Now aged 26. 20 and 16. Aged 10 and 4 when I had a weirdly desperately wanted 3rd. Husband worked away 27 days of the month. I worked part time then tbf. I don't think I could have done FT with 3. I worked 25 hrs a week. Oldest was M. Other 2 F. I was 34 when 3rd born and ex husband was 39. 2 youngest as F helped as they shared a room until recently actually. It would have made a difference if 3rd was M, ie a bigger house. I went full time when youngest was 7. We had split when she was 4 so childminder helped from then on. It's not easy but I never did find the youngest ages hard...for me the difficult times have come as they have got older into teenage years with the girls. 20s was hard with the boy. Other people manage differently with different experiences. Can it be done? Absolutely. Is it easy? For some yes. For others no

I think if your younger one is only 3 then although you have got past some of tbe hard work baby/toddler phases you haven't got some of the logistical challenges of having two slightly older ones. We are increasingly finding that one has a birthday party in place A and the other has an activity in place B for example. Because we're rural these could easily be 30 mins drive apart. So if they're at the same or similar time it takes both of us to manage it. We also have issues with the older one needing a pickup at 8.30 or 9pm when younger one is in bed already. Then it's a problem if one of us is ill and also makes it challenging to fit in any child free activities I might want to do. If we had another one we would have to end up doing a lot more saying no. If any activities yours might do in future are more local/school based then it might be easier but just something to bear in mind. Especially as there's no guarantee they will enjoy the same activities...

He doesn't need to, he goes to the gym when the kids are in school/preschool and I wouldn't want him to stop his 'hobbies'. He also doesn't need to go part time as his job is also very flexible, he actually part owns the business so can- work around home life if he needs to but I am very aware that not everything works out the way we want it to..

Bless her..hope she is ok now.

I work full time as a single parent to three, so I would think it's ok, yes.

We do this. Our kids are 2, 5, 8.

My husband's job is full-on but somewhat flexible in when it happens. It also pays very little (especially compared to my wage). Financially it would make more sense for him NOT to work but he enjoys his job and we treat it on par with my job, though he does more unexpected emergencies.

We have an au pair and a fixed babysitter. The kids come home every day at 3pm as we don't want them in the afternoon program. We have no family here.

It works but I have a high capacity for work and really enjoy kids and our kids are pretty uncomplicated to look after.

My husband would have preferred to stick with two. I am delighted we have three.

You sound very well organised so I think you’d cope just fine.
I could never do a deep clean of the whole house in one evening, though!

It wouldn't be my choice. I had two kids in a year and a half and was done after that. I quite quickly realised that I lost so much of myself from being a parent and I didn't want to add more years where there wasn't much room for anything other than parenting and working. It sounds like you and your husband really don't mind that family time takes up your evenings and weekends and that you don't have much need for other interactions and socialisation so it might suit you spreading the kids out so you have young kids for longer and you get to enjoy that aspect of it more. I don't think anyone can tell you what the right thing to do is, but whatever you do you make it work because you have to.

We do. You have to be organised but it works especially if you are both actually sharing the load of kids stuff. We have a big chalk board in the kitchen which has the coming week of who is where when etc mapped out on it. It just takes planning and communication and a partner who is actually a partner and doesn't see the kids stuff as default you stuff just because you have birth to them.

This was my first thought also - no mention of any interests/hobbies/social life.

I wouldn't want my life to be defined by parenting & working and don't think it's healthy necessarily not to have outside interests aside from your children's activities. Otherwise they grow up and leave home and you have given up your identity to being a mum.

Only you can decide whether a 3rd child suits you and your life style.
Depends on your job flexibility also!

Agree 100%

You are amazing. Fellow single mum here, working FT with 2 boys (not twins) and honestly I'm wrecked. Hats off to you.

And to you @Almostwelsh

We did it. The last 2 were only a year apart too. It was hard enough at times (no family nearby) but it worked because

Dh pulled his weight

We paid a lot for good childcare

We had a cleaner.

We "embraced the suck" as they say. We didn't try to have the life we had before children. We both did things with them in the evenings We would get up at the weekends together and head out to the park/zoo/whatever with friends who also had kids. We put hobbies (other than exercising/gym) on hold for a few years - picked them up again when the kids were older.

When we had some issues in the teen years, I had built a reputation for delivering at work so was able to be flexible/wfh/take time off if needed.

My middle child is very much a middle child. But she is also really close friends with her younger sister so wouldn't be without her.

Nearly through it now.... Eldest is 24, middle 17 (still in Full time education) and youngest is 14. It was difficult when they all went to different schools miles apart, but I had great nursery care. No family support and I was a single parent when youngest was 5.

Mine are 11, 8 and 4. We’ve had this one year with them all in the same place, as my eldest goes to secondary in September. I love it but am a sahm with no family nearby. I know three or four families who have three and both work full time but I can’t see how it would work for us. My dh has a job with erratic hours and all the juggling between his work, mine and childcare was doing us in when we only had 2. Now there is always someone at home for the endless circus of illness and school holidays. And I am able to do a little for me, quite a bit of volunteering in my community and be there for the kids, their homework, their hobbies etc. The logistics of it all is a lot and they don’t even do that much between them. But it gets easier as your oldest gets more independent.

It sounds like you love being busy, you love being a mum and you (most importantly) want another so why not?

We both work FT but my husband works shifts so is off a lot during the week and works weekends. I mostly WFH so can get stuff done during the day. Ours are 3,6 & 8 and it’s great. Life is busy of course, & it can be a huge juggle, but it’s great. Wouldn’t change it for the world - & I also love being busy! I think you either love the chaos or you don’t.

I do have a cleaner though and my mum does Thursdays (toddler & school pick up). My dad comes round every Saturday morning to see us & he’ll take my son to football. The difficulty is clashes e.g. if they both want to do football & you’d need to juggle, making sure they can do what they want to do without ‘missing out’.

We do, and it's totally fine. Zero family support, just use nursery and wrap around. Not sure that it's really much different with three than two, apart from the expense or hanging on longer before they can all come home after school and not need after school club?

I think my worry is our age, I am mid 30s and DH is early 40s, are we being silly to consider another during this phase of life.

My two were 5 and 8 when I had number 3 (I was 38). It works for us because of the age gap, having three close together would be really hard I think. I now work three days purely because I wanted the time with the littlest, I think working full time is easier when they are nursery age as nursery is open 8-6, I found it hardest to work when the children were starting primary school as I needed to be available from 3 (very little after school club availability here). I wouldn’t say life is relaxing but I love the noise, the business, the chatter. I think as they get older it will be hard for them to all do the clubs they want to do as timings clash but otherwise, the only issue we’ve had is trying to book hotel rooms, it’s really tough to get a cheap hotel which sleeps 5 in one room! My husband and I look out for each other and make sure we get our gym time and we both have another fairly time consuming hobby each but it’s rare our family time is affected.

We had a nanny. It was the only way we could work it. Not cheap though.

Well IME it’s easy when they are all in primary school and pretty ok before that too. It’s REALLY hard now they are all at secondary. Don’t think I know any families w 3 and 2 FT parents (who aren’t divorced…) who have stayed FT the whole way through

What is the issue with your ages? I and my friends didn’t marry and start our families until mid-30s, we had full lives working and being responsibility-free. It hasn’t been a problem for any of us (bar one couple for whom even IVF didn’t allow them to have children of their own, but this probably isn’t relevant to you). You’d have a head start on many many people.