Messy bedrooms vs respecting their space!

[mellycat96]

My kid's room is a bombsite. She would like it to be tidy, but she uses every storage area to create 'apartments' for her stuffed animals, and gets very upset if I touch anything. There is nowhere to put her clothes and books away! If I get her another storage solution, it becomes another apartment for another stuffed animal.

To get her to tidy her room, I am told I should help her feel responsible for her space, and to create her 'sanctuary', and that tidying it should be an act of self-care and not obedience. I am told I should not move her stuff around, and that SHE should choose where everything belongs. But what if she says everything belongs right where it is? Respecting her space means letting her use all her storage as a bloomin' animal hotel, and the floor to store clothes and books! Those are her choices. So what happens when the kid makes DAFT choices? do you still have to respect them?

she uses every storage area to create 'apartments' for her stuffed animals

Sorry op but this is adorable!

So what happens when the kid makes DAFT choices? do you still have to respect them?

Of course not!

I'm all for 'respecting space' and giving freedom BUT within sensible boundaries. It's absolutely reasonable to tell a child that they can't use x cupboard or shelf for toys/playing as it's needed for clothes.

For my teens the rule is this...
'You do what you want in your bedrooms and I won't mess with it or get involved or touch ANYTHING, EVER - as long as you put all dirty clothes in the washbasket, clean clothes in your wardrobe, rubbish in the bin and any cups/crockery in the sink EVERY SINGLE DAY. If I ever poke my head in and see discarded cups or dirty laundry piling up, guess what you're spending three hours this Saturday doing, with supervision? That's right, cleaning every inch of it with me breathing down your neck so it's done to my exacting standards'.

I've followed through with this a couple of times and made them do a full rip-apart clean on a weekend which they hate. They now keep their rooms looking respectable 99% of the time.

How old is she? My daughter was absolutely awful at clutter everywhere in her bedroom. I tidied it up, took out the dirty washing, got rid of rubbish until she was about ten. Thereafter ultimatums were given. If it isn't tidy, no friends are allowed in. I always knew when she wanted a friend round 😂. All washing had to be in the upstairs hall when I was doing a wash. No exceptions. If there were wrappers etc on the floor, I gave her one warning then I would go in hard, with a hoover and put all toys etc in bin bags. Did it work? Nah, not really. Her house is an absolute tip because she married someone who is worse. 😂

I don’t know how old your daughter is OP, but creating apartments for her stuffed toys is really adorable and something you will remember fondly about her long after you’ve forgotten her messy bedroom.

Both my children used the carefully designed storage space I'd created in their bedrooms to make houses for soft toys so I do feel your frustration OP!

It does pass. I helped them tidy up from time to time but have generally let them organise their belongings the way they want to.

It's their space.......even if it is frustrating that stuff is everywhere when it could be tidied away!

Could you get her a high rise apartment block (something like an Ikea Kallax storage unit) for her stuffed toys? Then they can move into that, freeing up storage space?

My DD is the same tbf, every animal has to have a space.

even if it didn't work, it sounds like a good approach! She's 10, so I guess it's time to start getting tough...

How many toy apartments does she have? I would get her something specific for this as suggested above and then work with her on general tidying, but not too strictly.

haha that's the problem! her storage is already mostly Ikea Kallax, and they DO look like high rise apartments to be fair to her...
I have managed to get some books into some of the shelves, but she just creates a smaller 'bedroom' in front of the books so you can't get them out 😓

I genuinely don't understand the problem with putting a soft toy in front of her books.

How will her health or development be improved by stopping her doing this?

I think this may be a you problem!

I mean, I love the attention to detail, with the posters on the wall and miniature homework sheets that she's created (and graded!) but still...

It's every shelf in her wardrobe, and every bookshelf outside it! 😂😖

I used cube-drawers in the Kallax storage for her clothes as they take up all the room on the shelf so it can't become a bedroom, but that doesn't work for bookshelves, and I'd rather the books be READ rather than a place for Flopsy to hang her decorations...

at the same time, she's being really creative and I don't want to stifle that or disrespect her choice/space. gaaargh.

This is utterly adorable and so creative.

They grow up so fast, I bet this phase will be over before you know it. If it was my child, I'd be won over by this wonderful reason for a messy bedroom, and just live with it.

My teen was like this, then changed overnight, decluttered, put teddies away and keeps a tidy room. I admit I miss the playfulness in her room! 😢

this is so true. thanks for that perspective 😍

I would love to do this, but at the same time it would break her heart (and kind of mine too!) to disturb all her creations. I think the solution is win the lottery and move into a bigger house where we can get new, potentially animal-free storage.

you're right. she's 10, it won't last much longer, and I'll probably miss it when it's over.
If she's still at it when things get serious at secondary school, maybe I'll get tough then!

Tbh as long as no rubbish /dishes / manky dirty clothes on the floor let her be a kid! And she sounds a lovely kid!! Stop pushing your luck trying to have a lovely AND tidy kid!!

I'd sneakily use her empathy for stuffed toys to your advantage. I'd give a book or a pair of jeans a sad voice, and animate them a bit, as they say: I don't have a home! I wish I could hang in a wardrobe and chat with all the other clothes/ cuddle up on a shelf and swap stories with all my bookmates but there's no space for me.

See if that makes her want to tidy them.

DD is also 10 and her room is a bombsite and absolutely full of soft toys, I really get where you're coming from! I try not to interfere, but it gets to the point where her room needs cleaning so I have to. We're also trying to move house so I can't leave it in a state for viewings. I don't know how DD manages to sleep, there is no space on her bed

Oh no, I get your annoyance but this is SO cute 😂am wondering if there’s any storage that wouldn’t be appealing to the toys- maybe a basic clothes rail for clothes to be hung on at least?

This is freakin GENIUS

@RandomUsernameHere
Right? Does she fall out of bed because the animals take up all the room? Mine used to, and I had to be really strict about no more than 5 on the bed. So now we have the nightly decisions and long apologies to the ones who didn't make the cut...

That picture - that is NOT mess.

It is creativity.

Did you grow up in a strict household? I think that picture looks nice

Honestly I would probably put her clothes in my wardrobe and books in shared book cases elsewhere. This won't last much longer so I wouldn't buy more storage.