Messy bedrooms vs respecting their space!

[mellycat96]

My kid's room is a bombsite. She would like it to be tidy, but she uses every storage area to create 'apartments' for her stuffed animals, and gets very upset if I touch anything. There is nowhere to put her clothes and books away! If I get her another storage solution, it becomes another apartment for another stuffed animal.

To get her to tidy her room, I am told I should help her feel responsible for her space, and to create her 'sanctuary', and that tidying it should be an act of self-care and not obedience. I am told I should not move her stuff around, and that SHE should choose where everything belongs. But what if she says everything belongs right where it is? Respecting her space means letting her use all her storage as a bloomin' animal hotel, and the floor to store clothes and books! Those are her choices. So what happens when the kid makes DAFT choices? do you still have to respect them?

Aw bless her! My DD used to do this too, she grew out of it.
Maybe compromise that as long as there's space to store clothes then everything else can be how she wants?

Oh i love your Daughter's room and would be sneaking in there to play when she is at school 😁

Is there room for a hanging rail to put her clothes on?

It is that likely to create a line of hammocks?
I think it's cute and she's set up the "apartments" beautifully

I was entirely with you until I saw the photo! That’s definitely very cute ☺️ Is there room under her bed for pull out drawers for clothes?

I used to do this as well- I’d take everything out of my wardrobe which had shelves on the side and it made a brilliant 6 storey house for my Barbies! Then I’d take everything out of my chest of drawers and make flats for my other toys. Looking back this must have driven my mum bonkers, she’d come in to my room and see my clothes on the floor and ask me why I did it. I remember her putting everything back, it didn’t stop me and she just gave up and my room ended up being a tip! I was younger than 10 but at some point I did grow out of it, I had plenty of dolls houses etc.

I presume I got sick of my room being a mess at some point and put my clothes back but my mum just let me get on with it. Has she always being doing this or is it recent?

Haha I was all in favour of recommending taking a hard line with this but then I saw the photos and now I’d like to come and hang out with your dd and help contribute to the apartments 😂😂😂

My ‘rule’ really is no clothes on the floor, dirty washing in the basket, a window open at some point during the day and rubbish in the bin. No one eats a meal upstairs but they do often have a bowl of popcorn up in their rooms if they are watching films in each others rooms or have friends round etc or other snacks etc which is fine but I do expect it all cleared away the next day.
We have a cleaner that comes once a week and they know their rooms have to be tidy before she comes so that helps.
Mine are much older though; I don’t really get involved in with the older 2, their rooms are usually fine but the youngest is 12 and would happily fester if he was allowed. He is not.

My ds is 19 and I just picked him up from uni. It was a complete shithole. Those creations are gorgeous.
i came on this thread to see if there was any advice as ds doesn’t like me interfering in his room but he is chronically disorganised and I can’t bear it.
i think I’m saying as long as it doesn’t smell, and there isn’t rotting food around, you’re good.

I think this is lovely and I can see the appeal of her wanting to use spaces meant for something else, rather than a ready made dollshouse. It looks like something out of the Borrowers!
Would it work if you let her keep it as it is, but designate a couple of shelves just for books, and then rotate them whenever she wants to change the decor of her flats? A bit of a faff for you but it means you're both happy.

Oh I don't call it mess either! it's great! it's just that with no storage space available everything else is all over the floor, and that IS mess.
(and yes, about the strict household...) but I've decided to let her be her and she'll sadly grow out of it soon enough

true indeed :)

She's done it since she was old enough to line up all her toys and give each one a little blanket at bedtime :)

I think you're right, she'll grow out of it. And it's not like it harmed you, right?

hammocks! haha don't suggest that to her... so far the tiny hanging space is un-animaled.

this is certainly an avenue to explore. thanks :)

The pics are so very cute! I would leave things be. What a girl!

I love the detail of the apartments 😍 so cute!

It is not mess - wait till you have teenage DDs - I had 3 on the go at one time!

Wait for the rotting banana skins and yoghurt pots; the ancient knickers awaiting washing; make-up all over the place; black painted walls; sticky carpet ...........
I used to close the door on it all and say that it was their space and if they wanted to live in a pigsty then it was their choice. They are all adults now and their homes are immaculate!

This is honestly the cutest thing I've ever read on here. Those pictures!!

@mellycat96 unbelievably I don't think she falls out of her bed, it's quite impressive really!

Omg this has made my day! (I used to do similar. I wasn’t allowed Barbies or Barbie houses but my grandma gave me a Polly pocket knock-off and I used to make her rooms on my book shelf).

One thought: could you make some plush, properly decorated “apartments” with wrapping paper as wallpaper & fairy lights and move the toys into more luxurious communal spaces, freeing up some shelves for books/folded clothes?! 😂

Otherwise leave it. Life is too short for ironed kids clothes! What a fab kid you have 👍

This is freaking adorable and so imaginative and creative. She sounds a lot like my 9.5 year old. She loves her soft toys and has far too many. She organises her stuff in ways that seem quite random to me but it’s how she likes it- a big organiser intended for stationery is stuffed full of random fidgets, blu Tac (which she is obsessed with), handmade jewellery and random bric a brac, floor space is taken up by her squishmallow collection, don’t even get me started on what’s in her desk! She doesn’t like me re organising. I actually love the mess and chaos in there. I do insist that rubbish is binned, dirty clothes are brought down, and that I’m able to move stuff temporarily to hoover and dust. I also like her to keep her clothes fairly organised and her drawers her labelled because I can’t abide when they get into a mess. But other than that I leave her too it

Nup I’d be leaving her to it, it’s her room, as long as there is no food, rubbish or dirty clothes around then let her be. So her clean clothes sit in a washing basket instead of the storage units. She looks very imaginative and tidy, I wouldn’t end that before she’s ready.

I have 3 girls sharing, 6, 10 & 12 as long as they keep there things in their own space, pick up dirty washing and if they somehow get food past me they dispose of the rubbish. Most importantly in a triple bunk they don’t leave dirty clothes and rubbish in their beds. If they stick to those rules I’m happy. We have dirty laundry baskets and clean, the clean are just as full as the dirty, but kept in our room so we can control it. It’s chaotic at times but they aren’t children forever. I’d rather give them their own space to enjoy than worry about where I put the clean washing.

It sounds like she's crying out for a multi-room dollhouse! Or one ceiling height Billy bookcase that you decorate on the outside to look like flats, then they could "move out" of the wardrobe and her clothes could move in?

Echo the its adorable sentiments, so nice to see a 10yo playing creatively and not just on bloody skincare!

Is this all a really convoluted humble brag? 😂

im just playing ofcourse, take a step back op shes 10, tell her she has to keep the place tidy but the front of the shelves can be arranged as she see’s fit.

She will still access her books, it’ll give her an excuse to check in on her tenants

My teen's room is a disaster.

When I want to hoover in there I throw everything onto the bed, and then leave him to sort it out. And he knows nothing gets washed unless it is in his laundry bag.

Otherwise, I don't tidy his room. It would be like trying to hold back the tide. 😁

I'm a tidy person and my children are 10 and 12. I will knock on the door if they're in their rooms but I insist on cups, plates, rubbish bring cleared daily and regular de- clutters so we can hoover. They put their own clothes away and dust their own rooms. I want them to grow up being tidy and clutter- free too.