Overwhelming guilt - 10 week old baby with a skull fracture

[Newtotheforums]

I am almost too embarrassed/ashamed to write this post but I am currently in the hospital with my 10 week old baby and need some kind of reassurance that I’m not the absolute worst mother in the world.

We were coming out of a tube station today and she was unsettled so I was holding her, I just popped her back in the pushchair without putting any of the straps on her so my friend and I could carry her up the stairs and she slipped out the back of the pushchair and hit her head once on the stairs, I grabbed her immediately and we went straight to the hospital. She had a CT scan within an hour which showed a fracture in her skull, no bleeding of any kind just a bruise and a bump. We have been put under observation for 24 hours to make sure she has no signs of concussion. She has been feeding, kicking about and smiling as normal, just slightly fussier (understandably so).

I just can’t even begin to forgive myself and have been in tears for the majority of the day. I can’t stop replaying the incident and thinking about everything I should have done differently and how much worse it could have been. I feel completely terrified at the idea of going anywhere with her and feel like my anxiety is spiralling.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Doesn’t get better? I hate that I am making this about me but I am really not coping.

Our stroller had straps for newborns. And child wasn't in a sitting position.
It could fit with car seat as well but this was bought as extra.
Lots of these pram/buggies/strollers for city parents on marked.

We had a pram at home in the garden for naps (Scandinavian style) but it wouldn't have worked on the Tube.

Yes, we had to get one of these because we needed a pushchair that we could put the toddler in while the baby was in a sling, and be able to attach a boogie board for the toddler while the baby was in the, lay flat position, pushchair. That McLaren was a workhorse.

I forgot to strap my baby into his car seat once, heard a thud and pulled over. Couldn't immediately see where he was because he'd rolled into the foot well 😳 Sheer luck that he wasn't hurt.

@Newtotheforums I really feel for you as something similar happened when my DD was about 9 months old. She was in her pram, I had hooked the straps over her shoulders but just hadn't clipped it together for some reason.

We were in Primark and she leant forward and fell head first onto the tiled floor. We were taken into the back of the shop and an ambulance was called. Fortunately no serious damage caused.

But reading your post brought back the feelings of shock, horror and guilt, even over 11 years later.

It will take you a while to get over this and you will be very very vigilant with those straps, but you will eventually put it to the back of your mind.

I hope your DC is ok. Thinking of you both

I once drove a 30 minute journey without strapping my then 2 month old in. I put him in the car seat indoors with a car seat blanket over him and didn’t do the strap and because the strap was covered with that blanket, didn’t see I hadn’t buckled him in when it came to leave. I carried him outside, put him in the car and drove without him being strapped in at all. I still shudder when I think what could have happened.

My toddler broke his leg when he was 2 years old after a simple fall. As he fell he let go of my hand and I was filled with guilt for months that I should have held on tighter.

Accidents happen. The main thing is she’s ok.

it happened ……you did exactly the right thing, took her straight to hospital…..you will never do it again…don’t beat yourself up….it doesn’t make you a bad Mum

Almost every parent has a story like this at some point, to varying degrees. I know that awful sick 'replaying it and thinking both what I should have done differently and how much worse it could have been' feeling. I still shudder when I think of mine (and nobody got hurt - they were just in danger). In some ways it keeps you safer and more vigilant, but it's a tough time while you process it. Be kind to yourself. You made a mistake.

I feel for you OP. Please don't beat yourself up, these things do happen. I messed up loads of times when mine was small. There are two that immediately spring to mind. The time on holiday when DS was a few months old. He somehow managed to fall off a bed onto a tile floor while I was right next to him. As he fell he took a glass from the bedside table with him, and landed on tiles, with smashed glass all round him. He got out of that one somehow without a scratch.

The other was on a camping trip when he was a toddler. We were cooking breakfast and he suddenly shot forward and grabbed hold of the hob, right where the flames were. Blisters all over the palm and fingers of his hand, and he screamed for a good hour, before he cried himself to sleep. He is a healthy teenager now despite my ineptness.

When DD was about 2, I put her in a high chair at the top of a small set of 3 steps which lead down into our kitchen, not sure how she managed it but when I had turned around the high chair had tipped forwards down the stairs and DD had landed completely on her head. It was a horrible shock and I beat myself up for days that I didn’t position it further back. As PP said, it’s a valuable lesson although the feeling is HORRIBLE. Your DD will be ok, but you won’t be for a while. Lots of cups of sugary tea, keep reminding yourself she’s ok, it’ll take a while for the shock to fade 🌷

You made a mistake, you're human and you were very unlucky that on this occasion it resulted in an injury to your baby. We have all been there honestly and most of us are lucky that it doesn't. Please forgive yourself. I'm sure that the medical staff see this ALL the time and don't blame you in the slightest. The shock and guilt are obviously at the forefront of your mind at the moment, it's still fresh. You little one will be fine and your feelings will calm down too in time. Just imagine if this happened to one of your friends, what would you say to her? Be kind to yourself 💐

She will be fine and heal quickly!

I think of things like this as being heaven/universe sent to avoid something worse. Because of this incident you will always use the straps religiously. Therefore you daughter might be prevent from an accident in future that would have been catastrophic if the straps weren't on. But they will be now. Xx

Do be prepared for a phone call from social services/ a conversation with your health visitors.

It’s nothing to worry about if there’s nothing else that they would be concerned about but it’s best practice now to follow up every A&E visit.

I slammed the boot of the car onto my toddlers forehead. He's 19 and still has the scar.

@Newtotheforums - please stop beating yourself up - I know that isn't easy to do, but what happened was an accident caused by a momentary lapse of judgement.

I am willing to bet that almost every parent has had a similar lapse of judgement - the only difference being that, in most cases, it doesn't end up in a hospital visit. Many may not even have noticed the lapse. I remember doing things, and thinking immediately 'My god, that was a stupid thing to do, X, Y or Z could have happened to my child!' - it was pure luck that it didn't, in my case, and pure bad luck that it did, in yours.

Sending hugs. We are all human and we all make mistakes. I hope your little one recovers quickly x

I know exactly how you feel. My dad picked up a teapot in a cafe that I had put down too close to her and poured boiling tea on her foot. I replayed the incident for months, felt like a terrible mother. It was a mistake because I was tired, not thinking etc.
And yours is a mistake too. Try and accept you made a mistake you won't make again and it looks like no real harm was done. Don't beat yourself up over it and yes, the need to replay and the trauma of it will fade. But gosh, it's an awful feeling and my heart goes out to you. But honestly every mum makes at least one mistake, likely many as caring for a baby is really hard and no one trains us for the job. Try and take it as a life lesson but accept many mums drop their babies, have them roll off the bed, burn themselves on tea, slip off chairs... because we are tired, busy, and also just human.

Oh how awful, but please don't beat yourself up you are doing your best and accidents happen. I have twice forgotten to put my daughter's seatbelt on. The first time she was a couple of months old (luckily I didn't have to break hard). The second time she was about one, and I had to break suddenly and she came out of her seat and went into the seat in front. I felt awful. Luckily she wasn't injured but it could have been a lot worse.

Something very similar happened to my niece age about 2 weeks old! She was in one of those prams where they lie flat with no straps, my MIL and SIL were carrying her up the steps (a stranger was helping me with my 3yo in her pushchair) and somehow my niece slipped out and fell onto the concrete steps. She’s now age 13 and absolutely fine.

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, offering words of reassurance and also the bits of tough love. I really really appreciate all of the responses and it is nice to know that I am not the only one who has done something similar and also that it doesn’t make me a bad mom.

We made it home from London yesterday afternoon (we do not live in London) and I am starting to feel a lot better. My daughter is completely back to her normal self and the bump has completely gone already.

For those asking about the pram/pushchair it is an adjustable one that can either lie flat or sitting up and is safe to use from newborn (providing you use the straps).

Thank you all again xxx

thanks for the update, I have been wondering how you are xx

That's a great update op.
Please be gentle on yourself, there is not one parent on this earth who hasn't made a mistake, some where the consequences go unnoticed, some with more serious consequences but mistakes all the same and if any parent says they haven't made a mistake they are lying.

Be kind to yourself, it was a mistake! I'm sure every parent has made one. I didn't put the car seat on the base right the other day, drove home and when I got out I realised that it wasn't secure on the base and could have easily tipped over. I felt so guilty.

Omg! In bet you won't make the same mistake twice though and your baby survived