Transition to sahm - leaving workforce due to childcare costs

[Sarah8418]

Advice about becoming a SAHM:
We have a 6yr old and a 2yr old.
I currently work in a support role in the NHS full time. Our nursery bill and afsc bill has gone up with col. I've done the maths and after these are deducted what's left of my wage is £3.33ph. Which is what I was on years ago as a student nurse. My husband said today I should quit my job and look after my 2yr old full time. Which is something we've been discussing as the col keeps rising, wages are not and childcare eats around 80% of my wage.
Once the funded hours start, were thinking of finding a playgroup or childminder and I can start my own business or a part time WFH role.

I'm just looking for any advice or guidance people may have around all of this and the transition.

We have no support network.
My dad is housebound and I care for him so it would really help with his care for me to not work full time.
My mum passed away when my little girl was born.
My husband's dad has caring commitments for grandchildren on his wife's side. My mil works full time so we rely heavily on paid childcare for me to work but I'm miserable.

The NHS is broken and everyone is fed up and I can't see any way forward atm. I've been promised progression again and again over the past 18yrs but because of constant cuts and issues with staffing I just can't seem to get any further. I've always sang and during lockdown I got a distinction in grade 8. I would love in an ideal world to perform professionally. I'm a classically trained soprano so maybe weddings would fit or recording work. I don't have many close friends so I really appreciate any support from this group. 💓

Does your DH work? Are you only working childcare out from your salary?

Your household income is £3.33ph after childcare?

If you have certifications I would seek to work just enough to keep those active. I’ve known nurses and other medical professionals who did the absolute minimum number of shifts a year to remain licensed. It always seemed like they were able to pick them up pretty easily since they actually preferred working the non-ideal hours since it worked out nicely for having a spouse watch the children.

Hi OP, one thing to consider is for your DP to pay into a private pension for you while you aren't working, so you aren't missing out on pension contributions.

Op clearly states I've done the maths and after these are deducted what's left of my wage is £3.33ph.

So even if they share the costs, if technically one salary is being eaten up by childcare it would make sense. At least OP won't be stressed with work and juggling it with childcare

Don't do it. Firstly childcare costs are a joint bill. They are not "your" cost.

These threads are filled with women who gave up work to make life easier for the menfolk, leaving themselves up shit creek if the partner decides he's had enough.

It's really really hard. I remember it well. We literally had a couple of hundred pounds spare each month whilst DD was at nursery. But we both worked full time and now as a result we are both doing much better career wise as a result. This absolutely wouldn't have happened if I'd taken a few years off.

Play the long game OP - it might not seem it now, but it will be worth it in the long run

I think if you're really not enjoying your job, you should try being a SAHM and see how it goes.
You've got the singing to fall back on - I think you could make that work round the children. Weddings are usually at weekends, and you might be able to get some other bookings too. How about giving singing lessons?

So why not make it DH's salary? Or why not split the costs and the childcare and both go part time?

That’s why I said ‘technically’. It doesn’t really matter if they share the costs, maybe they already do. But if they did the maths and realised the costs equals one of their salaries, I can understand the thinking that it might be better to not work.

Could you claim Carer's Allowance for caring for your DF? You can still work and earn up to £151 after certain deductions.

I'm content being a sahm although I have dcs the same age and my 2yo is hard work right now! It's tiring and relentless at this stage, and particularly hard work if you're on a tight budget so can't use paid for classes and activities to fill the days.

Working weekends as a singer could work from a childcare poverty but don't underestimate the impact on family life, especially once your dcs are at school/nursery and missing out on fun time with them at weekends.

I’m a sahm. You will have less income and as you say the COL is biting. You will also need to spend more money on activities and toys (not expensive ones but swimming at the local pool, toddler groups, sensory play at home all adds up), more kids meals to pay for, increased wear and tear on the house. You need to consider your pension and getting back into work when the kids are older.

If you do go ahead then you need to make friends with other Mums or you will become very isolated. I consider being a sahm as being a bit like a job, I need a schedule daily/weekly with a toddler and make plans. You and DH need to consider your expectations. If you have a 2 year old who sleeps for 90 mins or 2 hours a day then I assume you will get loads done but what happens when they no longer nap?

Can you both go part time to share the burden until you've got your escape career more developed?

If working doesn't pay, then do what makes practical sense and what makes you happy.

More time to enjoy your singing and spend time with family and children sounds divine. Go for it.

As others said, childcare is household cost not yours. Plus you're also earning pension and NI contributions and keeping yourself employed which makes getting other jobs/ promotions more likely. It should only be a couple more years. Could you go part time and/or take shifts when your husband is home to reduce childcare? If you want to persue singing go part time, start booking those gigs on the side and see how they go?

Would it be possible to take a career break for a year and see how you feel in 12 months time .

Working for the NHS means you get sick pay, maternity leave, and pension contributions. Childcare costs are high whilst a child is young but don't forget to think long term.

self employment is hard, rarely pays well and doesn't include sick pay, mat leave , pensions etc.

I think far too many women disadvantage themselves by giving up work when really couples should accept childcare is a joint cost

Agree with lots of people. Consider your pension. Get good advice about a break in service and how that affects your pension benefits.

Make sure that your DH is on the same page re finances. I personally couldn't ever be financially dependent on anyone. Too many stories about sahms living in poverty while their partners swan about in luxury.

Add in your pension to get a true cost of your salary as it's critical everyone has a well funded pension.

Becoming a sahm does alter the balance in the relationship. Work out how finances would be, will you have to ask for cash from your DH? Will you be 100% responsible 7 days a week for childcare and house duties?

How easily would you get a part-time job, once children are older? Singing seems great but the hours are likely to be antisocial and pay will be irregular. What income would you need to get decent post tax, ni and pension? Have you checked rates for events?

I was earning minus per hour when I had 3 children in childcare - but we didn't look at it like that as we had 2 salaries. I was contributing to my pension, had health and insurance benefits, and was building my career. I have a significant pension pot because of those years.

Think long-term here if you can, OP, and if you do go ahead and quit don't do it until you have a frank discussion with your dh about how to mitigate the financial hit you will take - because you will take one. This site is full of women who went parttime or took time out when kids were little because of childcare costs and then also ended up caring for elderly family members. If you do this, make damn sure that your contribution is recognised and there isn't going to be a scene of "well the youngest is in school now why aren't you working and earning as much as me" or "well that pension was earned by me not you" or even "well I go out to work all week so you should at least have all the housework done"

You’d be batshit crazy to leave an NHS pension, childcare isn’t forever, you have a tiny number of years left.

Get a different role, but don’t stop working, that’s silly.

Leaving your job because of the childcare years is incredibly short sighted. You make a "profit" of over £3 an hour even when (wrongly) allocating all childcare costs to your wage and not joint income. In addition to giving that up you're losing pension contribution, making yourself less employable, and permanently reducing your income potential.

Stay at home with your kids for a few years while they are small.

You've got years ahead of you to work especially now we have to work till we're 67.

You can always make more money, you'll never make more time.

I was a sahm for 9 years I don't regret it at all. It was the best time of my life. But it's not without it's issues, you need to pay into a private pension and as another poster pointed out it comes with its own costs, extra food, petrol, activities etc. I definitely spend less money since I went back to work full time!! It's also hard to get back into work afterwards and can feel very daunting! But if it's something you actually want to do, then do it. Like I say I don't regret it at all, I loved every minute of that time with my children.

I went back to work 3 days a week. When I had 1yo and 3yo, if you subtracted the childcare from my salary I took home £100 a month. It went up a bit when 3yo got 15 hours, and childcare costs continued to decrease. Now dc are 10 and 12, we don’t pay much at all. It’s very important to look at the long term.

if you are thinking of a career change though, that does change things and maybe it’s a good time to quit.