Transition to sahm - leaving workforce due to childcare costs

[Sarah8418]

Advice about becoming a SAHM:
We have a 6yr old and a 2yr old.
I currently work in a support role in the NHS full time. Our nursery bill and afsc bill has gone up with col. I've done the maths and after these are deducted what's left of my wage is £3.33ph. Which is what I was on years ago as a student nurse. My husband said today I should quit my job and look after my 2yr old full time. Which is something we've been discussing as the col keeps rising, wages are not and childcare eats around 80% of my wage.
Once the funded hours start, were thinking of finding a playgroup or childminder and I can start my own business or a part time WFH role.

I'm just looking for any advice or guidance people may have around all of this and the transition.

We have no support network.
My dad is housebound and I care for him so it would really help with his care for me to not work full time.
My mum passed away when my little girl was born.
My husband's dad has caring commitments for grandchildren on his wife's side. My mil works full time so we rely heavily on paid childcare for me to work but I'm miserable.

The NHS is broken and everyone is fed up and I can't see any way forward atm. I've been promised progression again and again over the past 18yrs but because of constant cuts and issues with staffing I just can't seem to get any further. I've always sang and during lockdown I got a distinction in grade 8. I would love in an ideal world to perform professionally. I'm a classically trained soprano so maybe weddings would fit or recording work. I don't have many close friends so I really appreciate any support from this group. 💓

If you’re eligible for child benefit, you’ll be eligible for TFC and funding hours for two year olds. Check childcarechoices.gov.uk

No just over 50k

Sorry edited because I realised I’d got it wrong

To be honest, considering
the costs are joint not yours
you have an NHS pension
this is only medium term

i think you’d be crazy to become a SAHM. You’ll spend more money. You’ll lose years of Pension and you’ll set your career back (even if you think you don’t have one now, you’ll have even less later). Don’t do it!

Threshold for tax free childcare and funding is £100k.

As a nurse myself I personally would quit, and do bank shifts/agency around your husband. To do your return to work is costly and time consuming, you have your pension and overall you worked and studied hard to be a nurse... please don't give it up.

Do two bank shifts a month around husband, like on a weekend or a twilight.

So op loses out on pension, and experience, and ends up on minimum wage when she reenters the workforce?

And to all those people saying don't quit... I missed my babies first steps yesterday as I was dealing with an aggressive patient. I'm not going to see that again :(

This is sad certainly . I have 5 kids and missed this with at least 3 of them. But now they are older, (youngest 8), I earn nearly 6 figures, and can afford the expenses that are incurred by teenagers (which was a choice I made and now I - and my bank manager) are glad I did.

Definitely quit. Took 6 years out and was there all the time until my second started school. Such a happy time. No regrets whatsoever. Now earning the same as I did when I quit (was high earner) but on my own - so any employers view of my career break is utterly irrelevant.

So should her husband quit too?

We get tax free childcare but the childcare costs are £1400 a month. Pm I earn £1700 so we have £300 left from my salary. As others have said we've based our calculations on my full time earnings not being very much post childcare.

I'm going to apply for PT jobs in NHS to keep my foot in. I've seen a role for 15hrs which would be good and it's means I'm bringing in £800 a month as I'd be under the bracket for tax/NI. When 15hrs kicks in in sept I'd have my 2yr old for 3 days and do the school runs etc for my 6yr old. I run the house ATM anyway in terms of cooking, cleaning etc so it's no big change there.

What does your DH contribute to childcare costs?
i completely understand where you are coming from, I gave up work for my children because we couldn’t get childcare at all.
20 years on and I’ve bearing any savings, just started contributing to a pension and my old age looks financially bleak and I’m reliant on my DH’s money.
If I could go back in time, I would have spilt the childcare/finances much more evenly so I didn’t take the full force of the financial penalty.

I would try every other option before becoming a sahm. Part time/opposite shifts so you don’t need childcare. Re train/wfh anything but lose financial independence completely. Do you have savings?

Being a sahm is such a vunerable position. The years go by quick (the days are long and boring) but you'll loose all the hardwork of your career so far. Effectively you start from the beginning. It's so much easier to get another job whilst being in a job. You also loose confidence and relationships very quickly can default into an unhealthy power dynamic.

It's a big decision. It's tempting to look at the immediate childcare savings but it's the longterm ones that screw you. If in that time you're a sahm your partner doubles their salary takes on more responsibility so has more unsociable hours your left doing all the childcare only able to do part time/minimum wage because it seems sensible to prioritise your partners higher earning job. Once you're in that trap it's hard to get out. School hours are less than nursery. If you don't have wraparound or help from family you'll only be able to work 9 to 3 in potentially a lower position then not able to put in the time and hours to progress up. Then there is school holidays to cover. If you're shoe horned into the lower priority workers role it'll be you footing all of them. If you was to split your partner takes their career and their high earning wage that you've facilitated for years with them. Leaving you (usually)still in the same position of default childcare potentially relying on benefits then untill children are older to look after themselves.

I know it's a lot of ifs but please consider them. I imagine your partner doesn't fully appreciate all the aspects of it as it wont impact them the same as you.

I'd personally ride it out, find an alternative role if you aren't happy in your current one. Childcare costs are not great but they are temporary.

But she’s proved that working DOES pay. It pays her enough to fund nursery costs and after school care costs plus pension contributions, then still leaves her with around £40 a week. If she stopped working, the family finances would be down by the £40 a week plus the cost of paying into a private pension. On top of that would be extra heating costs if she were to be at home every day.

I was at home when both my babies took their first steps but I missed it both times because Id handed them over to DH when he'd finished work hours and they'd clearly 'saved' their performance for the working parent. I wouldn't base huge decisions on these trivial milestones.

This is a better idea OP, although I am a bit suspicious that you run the house whilst you also work full time - why doesn't DH do his fair share?

I wince every time I see a woman talking about being a SAHM, I know it's a perfectly valid choice for some families but having seen the aftermath of quite a few divorces nowadays it leaves women so vulnerable even when married.

He does do bits and the DIY and manages all the finances so it seems fair I do most of the home. I'd rather eat well when I cook then eat badly when he does tbh.

Obviously the DHL salary pays the bills.

I think you should both need to look at it as joint pot money rather than it’s your wage that pays the nursey, you bring home £1700 , if he’s on around £50k he brings home say £2800?
Chuck both wages together you’ve a decent amount left after bills and nursery. If you want to be a SAHM that’s okay too… you don’t need to justify it!

Seems very short sighted. But if you’re confident you can step back into a role really easily in a year or two’s time then maybe. But you’ll still be worse off financially in the mean time. Your 2yo is not far off an age where it’s really beneficial for them to be in a group setting and will get their free hours before long.

Yes @Sarah8418 THIS is the post you need. Don't just fall I to this blindly. This needs a LOT of discussion. You might end up as the unpaid, unappreciated maid.

Also it depends if you just no longer want to do your job anymore. I think the singing sounds like wishful thinking. If you want to do that, make concrete plans for it BEFORE quitting. You may find your husband is not supportive afterwards.

Don't do it. It's very shortsighted.
There was a recent thread asking what things people had done they had no regrets about (or something like that). Most of them were about carrying working and not becoming a sahp.
I carried on working when I was not making very much. It was tough at times. But god am I happy I did! Now DCs are nearly teens, I make over 80k in a job I love, with amazing pension. There is no way I would have been here if I became a sahm.

My friend is divorcing she was a SAHM for about 13 years, her shit for brains ex ran off with a younger woman after almost 30 years together. . To say she is financially screwed now is an understatement.