Transition to sahm - leaving workforce due to childcare costs

[Sarah8418]

Advice about becoming a SAHM:
We have a 6yr old and a 2yr old.
I currently work in a support role in the NHS full time. Our nursery bill and afsc bill has gone up with col. I've done the maths and after these are deducted what's left of my wage is £3.33ph. Which is what I was on years ago as a student nurse. My husband said today I should quit my job and look after my 2yr old full time. Which is something we've been discussing as the col keeps rising, wages are not and childcare eats around 80% of my wage.
Once the funded hours start, were thinking of finding a playgroup or childminder and I can start my own business or a part time WFH role.

I'm just looking for any advice or guidance people may have around all of this and the transition.

We have no support network.
My dad is housebound and I care for him so it would really help with his care for me to not work full time.
My mum passed away when my little girl was born.
My husband's dad has caring commitments for grandchildren on his wife's side. My mil works full time so we rely heavily on paid childcare for me to work but I'm miserable.

The NHS is broken and everyone is fed up and I can't see any way forward atm. I've been promised progression again and again over the past 18yrs but because of constant cuts and issues with staffing I just can't seem to get any further. I've always sang and during lockdown I got a distinction in grade 8. I would love in an ideal world to perform professionally. I'm a classically trained soprano so maybe weddings would fit or recording work. I don't have many close friends so I really appreciate any support from this group. 💓

Congratulations on your singing grade 8! How about going into singing teaching for your local music service? Term time flexible hours which you can move around your family commitments?

i make more than that in a job I love and had 6 years out when my two were babies and toddlers. Every situation is different. I loved those years - one of the best periods of my life.

The problem is not work😥. The problem is that you are working full time and also doing all the house hold tasks an child care. You giving up work is only going to reinforce you being the maid and house keeper 😭. If he is already leaving everything to you now, then you are in for a rough ride. This will end in tears .

You need to make him do more in the house but that will be like getting him to donate a kidney 😭

I wouldn't stop. Your husband could leave or die and then you'll need employment

Working at least part time is a good plan. How do you feel about the split of chores/childcare? As long are you ok doing the majority then go for it.

It sounds like there is no career progression where you are now.
Everyone is fed up and you come away after all your hard work- giving it to someone else to look after your kids. I can see why you want to leave. I would find that soul destroying.

I loved being a SAHP. It was a "risk" I was more than happy to take. I am back PT school hours now he is at school, and the work-life balance is great.
From your recent thread, it sounds like PT is a great option for you. It will give you time with your kids and the opportunity to look into a job (singing) or starting your own business.

Do what is best for you, and your family.
Everyone's situation is different and to think because something worked for others it will work for you, might leave you disappointed.

I have just done the maths £3.33 an hour is £124 a month plus pension contributions .

That is a lot to absorb a month plus like previous poster said you pay more for groups activities .

can you go part time? Work a few long days and get Dh to drop / collect from nursery .

you are reaching funded hours and the age they really enjoy been in nursery

Could you do bank shifts for your trust? Or see if there is anything part time? It will reduce your nursery bill and keep your hand in. You could always do some singing at weekends/evenings if you wanted a bit extra cash.

Have seen so many women give up work in similar circumstances
All of them found it very difficult to get back at anything like the same level
And a few had a very difficult time when the marriage broke down
Think very carefully before making this decision

Yes, I agree, why is it default the mum quits her job, your childcare bill should be split propionate to your salaries. They're joint children so joint expenses.

You'll get no pension constitutions either.

Why don't you go part time and so does he? Or compress hours if possible to take a day?

Why is it always the mother who has to give up work
Will we ever get equality

@Simonjt yeah, fuck it. Why not.

@SilverBranchGoldenPears lucky you with 6 figures. Yipee.

@Withswitch trivial milestone seeing your baby take their first steps? Whats a significant one to you?

Milestones are what you make them. First step, first word, first 3 steps together, first sentence, first day at school, first writing their name, first speaking in a school assembly, first riding a bike, first swim, etc etc etc. No matter what you do you won’t see them all.

I think of things I've taught them rather than natural developmental stages. First time they went up on pedals, first unaided ring round the roller disco, first music piece they play, first sentence they read etc.

Oh right