Patronising messages about formula feeding on formula websites!

[Gemmy96]

This is a bit of a rant so let me know if it would be more appropriate elsewhere.

I exclusively formula feed my child for good reasons. Unavoidable, not-a-choice reasons. When I was researching different options, I came across something that has really pissed me off. On every website I go on once you click "infant formula" there's an incredibly patronising message displayed that requires you to agree that "breastfeeding is best" before you're allowed to see the page! I'm assuming this is due to some kind of regulation. Screenshots attached below.

Am I wrong to think that men would never be expected to click "accept" or "I agree" to this kind of infantilising, shaming nonsense?! Why do we accept this rubbish? I DON'T agree that breastfeeding is always best, fed is!

People have all kinds of reasons for not being able or not wanting to breastfeed and it's often difficult enough without constant reminders that you're apparently not doing quite enough for your child. Sigh.

Exactly where would I get a supply of donor milk that would have satisfied my son who at one point had five 9oz bottles in 24 hours? He had a massive appetite. He still does.

But all women are bombarded with information about BFing throughout pregnancy. You can't avoid it. The midwives mention it at every appointment, there are posters about it at the GP. The walls of the Children's Centre were plastered with this stuff.

Maybe some women are choosing not to not because they're uneducated or don't understand, but because it's the right choice for them, whether that's bodily autonomy, they're waiting to start chemo until after the birth, an abuse survivor, someone who needs to get back to work ASAP, carrying the baby for someone else?

Maybe they had a friend or relative like me, whose baby was harmed or came close to being harmed by EBF and decide it's not worth the risk?

Maybe they've explored the actual evidence, realised how poor quality much of it is and how dubious the 'benefits' are and decided it isn't worth the hassle?

I am with Burbage. Bodily autonomy is one thing but choosing not to bf just because you don’t want to is putting your needs ahead of the babies which, to me, isn’t anything to do with bodily autonomy, it’s just rather sad - part of being a mum is putting the baby’s needs first (I am not talking about people with one etc here, just those who just don’t want to bf).

I’m not enforcing anything. There’s no law that compels anyone to put a baby to sleep on its back, and no law to compel anyone to bf. I’m saying that both are recommendations based on scientific research about what is safer for babies and both have been shown to reduce risk of SIDS. And yet when well-meaning grandmas advise mums to put babies to sleep on their tummies (because it worked for them/it was the recommendation back in the day), we’re generally inclined to say no, the advice now is to put them to sleep on their backs. But if the same well-meaning grandmas advise that FF is better/just as good, we’re much less likely to question it.

And it makes people very defensive because, understandably, most people don’t want to admit they just didn’t want to bf, they’ll say they didn’t have enough milk or something- which is true for some people, but we know it isn’t true for the majority of people who say they can’t bf or we’d have gone extinct as a species!

Formula is amazing - DT’s were formula fed from day one - my choice. It’s good not bad. Why should it be hidden away in plain packaging as if it’s something bad?

Never wanted to bf. Never tried. I considered my needs and DT’s . Nothing sad about it. Happy parents and amazing healthy babies.

Probably already said but these messages are there to protect women, not to shame them.

The formula companies have a very long history of unethical behaviour and continue to do what they can to get round the strict regulations in this country (eg creating follow on milk so that they can advertise it).

There are loads of threads on mumsnet all the time about formula being just as good as breastmilk - and that is despite formula companies literally stating that that is not true. Can you imagine the claims that they would make if they weren’t regulated?!

It is awful that bf doesn’t have enough support in this country and it must be devastating for those women who want to bf and can’t (for whatever reason). And there are also loads of valid reasons for choosing formula. But none of that should mean that we deny the truth that breastfeeding is biologically better for mother and baby.

I think it's such a sad reflection on our society when women are still ignorant of body autonomy. As literally a separate body we are still being treated as a lesser being because we are advocating for free choice.

Your inability to understand another persons choice isn't relevant to ensuring no barriers to their choice.

Putting your baby's needs first means different things to different people though.

There was so much pressure at BFing support groups, once my milk finally came in at 8 weeks, to keep on increasing supply so I no longer needed to use formula. There was no understanding whatsoever that, to me, BFIng was the unreliable, miserable thing I hated doing and was contributing to spiralling PND, whereas bottle feeding was enjoyable and so much better for my baby.

I don't know why it's so difficult to understand that people are different and have different opinions. I know some of my friends enjoyed BFing and I respect their experience. Its the opposite of mine because I hated it (and that's BFing for more than 3 years!) but that's because we're different people.

That was it! 'Breastfeeding dyad'.

Stupid phrase. I remember people going on and on about it postnatally and then looking horrified when I said I didn't consider myself part of a dyad and I'd given birth so my baby and I were now separate beings and I didn't want to be considered as one thing any more.

Breast feeding doesn’t make you a good or better mother
Sounds like you’d prefer that mothers don’t have any choice how they feed their babies.

Just because you can’t understand another mothers decision - doesn’t make you right

I didn’t breast feed at all and don’t have a single regret. Am well educated (1st class honours degree and post grad qualifications). DH is a doctor. Nothing unusual about it. It’s personal choice.

From the moment you are pregnant, breast is best is shoved down your throat. I find it hard to believe that the vast majority of women aren't educated about the fact that breastfeeding is recommended over formula feeding.

Formula is a good, safe alternative if a woman doesn't want to or can't breastfeed. I was very comfortable with choosing formula from birth and had no interest in breastfeeding, even just for one day. Thank god for body autonomy.

Thank you @SouthLondonMum22 I totally agree 1000 percent.

Breast may be nutritionally ‘optimal’ but there are so many other factors to bear in mind - such as impact on maternal mental health, as well as the division of roles between both parents.

I hear so much from friends of mine who breastfeed who are struggling, exhausted - which is impacting on the quality of time with their baby. This is more likely to have more significant downstream consequences than the nutritional content of formula!

Exactly.

It's certainly not going to be a good start to motherhood or in the best interests of a baby if it involves a woman feeling like she has to force herself to breastfeed despite the fact that she dreads the thought of it and really, really doesn't want to.

One of the big benefits for us with formula feeding is that it isn't just me that can do the feeding which means DH and other family members can also do feeds. It's especially come in handy as I've had twins this time! I can't imagine doing all of the feeds, especially with twins.

Exactly! I ended up limiting BFs to 3-4 a day from 12 weeks because I hated that every never-ending day revolved around doing it and it was such a miserable experience it was stopping me bonding with my baby and my PND was getting worse.

I'm glad I stood up to the HV and bullies at BFing support and refused to increase my supply any further. Bottle feeding formula and limiting those BFs meant I was a much happier mum, could share the feeds, wasn't spending so much time doing something I hated which ultimately had a much more positive effect on family life. My one regret from the first year is not stopping BFing right at the beginning but I was under so much pressure to do it.

A lot of my friends EBF and now have children with allergies, eczema, food intolerances, lots of time off school with illness etc and I do wonder if they think it was worth all the hassle of BFing when at the time they were adamant they were doing it because it would prevent all these things happening to their child!

I wouldn’t say that’s a valid point though as I could also say exactly the same thing about friends who formula fed though. There are also plenty of people who EBF whose children have not suffered with any of those things!

@RidingMyBike I had a very similar experience with my newborn starving while midwives and other HCPs tried to convince me it was all part of the normal journey to EBF. I like to think I was well informed about breastfeeding and I was completely unaware of the risks of starvation and dehydration in newborn babies.

Had a sympathetic paediatrician not found me sobbing on the postnatal ward in the middle of the night and convinced the midwives to support me to supplement his feeding, my son could well have been at risk of brain damage.

I still struggle with the fact that one of the first things I did as a mother was to allow the midwives to convince me to ignore my maternal instincts in a way that could have cause my son lifelong harm.

My son and I thrived when we switched to formula and I will be formula feeding my next baby from birth.

I do understand that it can feel very patronising from their side. But looking from the point how nature has intended the breast is the best.
I believe this is to do with formula aggressive marketing many years ago, before the regulations got changed and the infant formula is not allowed to be advertised. In some Western countries they formula feeding was almost like fashion trend over breastfeeding because breastfeeding was almost shameful, and it was nothing to do with inability to feed the baby or any health reasons involve that are to do with breastfeeding. It's great that we have such alternative so no babies go hungry however it is still ultra processed product.
Don't take it personally, it is all about what nature has intended for us to do .

What some may perceive it’s what nature has intended is less important to me than a mother having a choice over how she decides to feed her baby. Her choice is paramount

I don't really get why that message is a problem. If you're old enough and adult enough to choose how to feed your baby, why is a message on a website upsetting you? You're going to spend the next 18 years to life being told something you've done has affected your child adversely in some way. Formula feeding is the least of it.

No one is saying that women don’t have a choice - of course they do.

The NHS and other bodies make all
kinds of health recommendations - nobody is forced to comply with any of them.

If women have a choice, why so much negativity when someone positively decides to use formula?

@carseatconfused I'm so sorry you had to go through this too!

There was so much patronising advice in that awful first week that it was normal for babies to BF constantly, never settle or able to be put down. Everyone I spoke to egged me on to keep on EBFing and kept on and on about normal newborn behaviour, fourth trimester etc. Whilst my instincts were shrieking that this wasn't right and my baby was starving. It was so undermining and dangerous.

Ironically, I spent time on maternity leave with some local 90-something year olds. Poor area, would not have had any access to formula when they had their babies decades ago - they were very well aware of the dangers of EBFing and horrified that babies are now put at risk when a safe alternative is readily available.