Patronising messages about formula feeding on formula websites!

[Gemmy96]

This is a bit of a rant so let me know if it would be more appropriate elsewhere.

I exclusively formula feed my child for good reasons. Unavoidable, not-a-choice reasons. When I was researching different options, I came across something that has really pissed me off. On every website I go on once you click "infant formula" there's an incredibly patronising message displayed that requires you to agree that "breastfeeding is best" before you're allowed to see the page! I'm assuming this is due to some kind of regulation. Screenshots attached below.

Am I wrong to think that men would never be expected to click "accept" or "I agree" to this kind of infantilising, shaming nonsense?! Why do we accept this rubbish? I DON'T agree that breastfeeding is always best, fed is!

People have all kinds of reasons for not being able or not wanting to breastfeed and it's often difficult enough without constant reminders that you're apparently not doing quite enough for your child. Sigh.

Fed is best is such a strange statement. We all need to eat but nobody says ‘fed is best’ in any other area of life, certainly not in adulthood. Fed is best to keep your baby alive… but not nutritionally best for your baby.

Only if we are asking the question 'is it ok to not feed my baby?'!! Which I think we are not. Its ok to say one option is best, and its ok to say, there are reasons I am not taking that option. It's not ok to say I won't feed my baby, of course, but no one is.

That's awful @RidingMyBike. How horrible that must have been for you.

Totally agree, this was my first thought on reading this post.

Genuinely, how do you think regulations are preventing this now?

@RidingMyBike fed is the minimum and it isn’t all that matters. Saying things like ‘all that matters is that baby is fed’ really dismisses mother’s experiences and emotions.

women’s emotions and experiences matter. Their wants and parenting aims matter. Their mental health matters.

It’s ok to want to breastfeed and it’s ok to feel a sense of loss or grief if that doesn’t happen. It’s ok to feel angry or let down by HCP.

I completely agree that women in the UK are not set up to meet their breastfeeding aims. So much of the support is volunteer led. Funding is hard to come by. GPS in the main don’t have ANY lactation training. Yet they are often the first port of call for parents needing support. Not every midwife has full lactation training either, some will have their own prejudices and views on feeding.

breastfeeding education needs to start WAY before women are pregnant. Ever noticed how most dolls are sold with bottles? Notices for feeding rooms show bottles. Baby shower decorations include dummies and bottles. Bottle feeding is the norm we are brought up with.

My kids were learning about mammals at school. They weren’t told that what defined a mammal was it feeding its young on milk from the mother!

The evidence shows that where breastfeeding is a normal and visible part of a society, breastfeeding rates are higher.

What if you don't want to breast feed? Force them to do so?

Withacat - if there is no medical/mental health reason not breast feed other than just not wanting to I personally can’t understand why someone would have a baby? Breast feeding should be the default, with lots of support to get it started, imo getting formula should involve a bit of effort.

@Meadowtrees this may be really difficult for you to understand - women have body autonomy. And my right to choose not to breastfeed is as valid as your choice to. Any talk of anything less brings society back millennia so please don't be that ignorant.

I chose (see the wording? - I chose? ) to have babies, I also chose to formula feed. This was successful for my healthy now taller than me children, for me and my body, and my family. What on earth that choice has to do with anyone else baffles me.

Why and how can you actually believe that anyone than the person who owns the breasts can/should have a right to them? Your ability to not understand a persons choice of anything is your issue not theirs. Hope that helps.

The same as my choice to access/not access abortion/contraception/be a blood donor/have sex with men/ etc - can you see how none of those choices are anywhere outside of the persons personal choice? Hope that helps.

Thank you, yes, it was a horrific start to motherhood came close to causing my DD lasting damage and led to me then spiralling into severe PND.

The awful thing I found out later was that the hospital had had to open a second SCBU ward to cope with all the readmissions caused by EBF. Which they were definitely not mentioning at the BFing antenatal class held in the same building!

But women in the U.K. are strongly encouraged to set completely unrealistic BFing 'aims'. It's apparently entirely reasonable to expect to EBF and that all women can do it. Not only that but EBF for six months and BF for at least two years. It never crossed my mind this wasn't realistic.

BFing is very normalised in my area - very common to see women BFing out and about, loads of support available. I was the only person at baby class using formula (or at least admitting to it publicly - there's a lot of stigma around formula use). I doubt those BFing stats appear anywhere as the infant feeding survey is no longer undertaken.

There's nothing like setting up women to fail by telling them they can all EBF and then gaslighting them about their low milk supply, which no amount of support will improve.

I'd have probably thought this before I had my baby, although I hope I'd have the sense to keep the thought to myself. But I'd have assumed it should be the default.

I definitely wouldn't EBF a subsequent baby. Too risky, too unreliable and too dangerous for both mine and the baby's health. Maybe I'd consider combi-feeding, but I always found the bottle feeding half of combi-feeding far more enjoyable than the BFing half.

Marbles - and this may be difficult for you to understand too but my opinion is different from yours. My opinion is that everyone who is able should try to breastfeed their babies. And yes, you are right, I don’t understand what reasons (other than medical or mental health) there are for not breastfeeding that outweigh the benefits of bf for the baby. Breastfeeding is hard to start with but it’s what babies and boobs are designed for. I just don’t get why you wouldn’t want to if you could.
I don’t disagree with your right to choose, but I don’t think that making it an easy choice is right. I think that artificial milk should be unbranded, FREE on prescription for medical reasons, and only over the counter for those who don’t want to bf. There should be much more support for bf. All promotion / branding should be banned including so-called follow on milks. I’d like to take commercialism out of the equation completely. It shouldn’t be seen as normal to bottle feed through choice. It should be seen as a life saving solution to medical / mental health problems.

Riding - you are right! I wouldn’t say this ‘out loud’.l, thought I thought the opposite to you and feel more strongly about bf since having dcs.

So you want to make it more difficult for women to have instant access to food for their baby ? and the comment "should be seen as a life saving solution to medical / mental health problems." really? are you that ignorant of a woman's choice to not BF? my goodness I am blessed not to have women like you in my life.

I have already clearly stated I support a friend who is a lactation support person - I simply hold a different view. The key core difference between her and you is she will fight beside me for my right and know I will do the same. I pity your such narrow view point - it brings women back so far it isnt funny.

@Meadowtrees I happen to eat healthily but also have no choice but to trust the "powder of chemicals" for my newborn - do you think i care more about whats in my food than hers because i dont. I have no choice as i cant make her milk myself. Do you have to be so bloody judgemental, mums have it hard enough.

I am not judgemental, I don’t discuss bf in ‘real life’, I just happened to click on this topic. I do know that our bf rates are too low. I’ve repeatedly said that there should be more support for bf, I’ve also said that I think formula milk should be FREE for those who need it, which hardly implies that I’m trying to stop people using it. Nomore - if you can’t make milk I think you should be entitled to medically regulated, top quality formula milk without paying. I don’t think it should in the supermarket, on the shelves with everything else, it’s serious and important stuff, too important to be treated so lightly. I hate the commercial aspect of the industry - the fact that some people who need it have to pay so much, the cynical marketing and people voluntarily paying for something when they could have something better for free! It is true that I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to bf your baby if you were physically and mentally able, I have obviously never said this to anyone though because people tend to be very defensive of their parenting choices.

People tend to be defensive because it is absolutely nothing to do with anyone else - that is the point you are actually not seeing.

You can not say - people have a choice but I want their choice to be made more difficult. It is ignorant and bloody insulting to women's intelligence.

Marble - it does affect everyone else though. Not on an individual basis, but on a population level - there is a nationwide health and financial cost due to our low bf rates and each individual is part of the population. When i am thinking about policies concerning bf I’m not directing those thoughts at any individual, I’m thinking about what we can do to improve bf rates, which is in the whole population’s interest.

It’s the same idea as the eating 5 fruit/veg a day message - something we need more people to do to improve health / reduce cost at a national level. I don’t take it as a direct criticism of me when I’ve only had an apple that day.

The trouble is that only making formula available for medical reasons is who decides and where is the line drawn?

Bearing in mind I had multiple people (including qualified lactation HCPs in a hospital rated at the highest level for BFing support!) denying there was a problem with BFing for me. My baby is alive now because my DH could rush to a shop and buy formula (she was readmitted several hours later - if we'd waited until then it would probably have been too late).

Who makes the call that someone's mental health is too adversely affected and they should be 'allowed' access to formula? Some women find BFing is beneficial for their MH, others it's incompatible with the medicine they're on. I found BFinghad a devastating impact on my MH but no HCP would suggest stopping BFing - that was always put first, above everything else.

I do think separating formula from formula companies would be sensible - if there was a bog standard, easily available 'National' formula at a sensible price, and available as both powder and ready to feed. That would stop gimmicky unnecessary products. And that includes gimmicky BFing products like those awful teas and cookies.

And I think restrictions on advertising should be on both sides - no advertising of infant formula, but also no advertising/promotion of BFing without stating actual evidence-based statistics for supposed 'benefits' and a ban on terms such as 'liquid gold' or subjective statements (convenience, cost) that aren't backed up with objective facts. And a risk assessment should be included - eg if you EBF your baby has a 1 in 75 chance of being readmitted.

@meadowtrees you are back peddling - first it was you pondering anyone other than medical/ MH reasons to chose to BF - now you are concerned of behalf of the whole of your nation.

I have news for you in Ireland the BF rates are lower, our life expectancy is increasing - financially we are doing very well. Spain - not so great on the old health and finances - yet has multiples of BF. hmmm .......

Reading this and your other comments have made me realise you're completely ridiculous and theres no point arguing with you! You're basically sating why have a baby if you're not planning to breastfeeding!? Madness!!

I could breastfeed and chose not to because it wasn't helping me bond with my baby. They were getting plenty of milk but I was bleeding , in agony and hated every second of it. I could have continued but made the choice not to as I know about attachment and chose that benefit of stopping verses the many other benefits of which im aware. So because I was physically and mentally able you would have me have to ask for permission via requesting a prescription rather than nip out to my local tesco? Wise up! Only people like you care so much about how others feed their children and should mind your own business. Shaming women isn't going to promote BF rates.

You are very anti feminist wanting to make it harder for women to choose formula. I don't see how that's not judgemental just because you don't say it in person.

Marbles - not backpedaling. I do think that bf rates should be higher. And I do find it puzzling that some people decide not to bf before the baby has even arrived. You clearly did try and want to bf.

Nomore - you would go to the pharmacy counter in your Tesco and buy a cheaper, better quality, better regulated unbranded formula, rather than one for which you were paying more than you needed for a heavily branded and promoted product. The pharmacist would be able to advise you on which milk would suit your baby and how to make it. Yes, I do think that would be better for everyone (except nestle etc!).