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Original poster

Is this neglect

43 replies

rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:13

My son lived with his mum in 2020 from January until October (he was 9 years old). From February until October he stopped going to school. In October he came to live with me and returned to school.

From September last year until the present my son has lived with his mum full time. From September last year until the present he stopped going to school. This week after Early Help involvement failed to make a difference, I started driving over to my ex-wife's house and getting him up and off to school. He has been in school this whole week.

He does not have ADHD or ASD. He has lots of friends at school, and does not suffer depressions, social anxiety etc.

The problem is solely that when he is left in his mothers care he stops going to school.

In not getting him to school, is his mum being neglectful?

OP posts:
PinkSunsetSky · 17/05/2024 19:14

Yes of course it is.
What have the authorities said about this non attendance ?
Why is your child back with the mum if this is happening ?

countrysidelife2024 · 17/05/2024 19:16

yes it is, she may be ruining his future. He needs an education. and no doubt if she cannot be bothered to get him to school then she is probably neglecting in other areas too.

GeckoFeet · 17/05/2024 19:16

Why doesn't he live with you when you are questioning his neglect?

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Original poster
rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:20

@PinkSunsetSky

I have raised his non-attendance with Social Services and my concern that it is neglect, they have told me that the Early Help Worker involved has seen no evidence of neglect, which make no sense to me.

I tried to get custody of my son in 2020, but his mum was given custody. He is meant to be living with me about half the time but his friends live near his mums, and he is able to stay up really late, etc. at his mum's which he is not allowed to do at mine.

OP posts:
LIZS · 17/05/2024 19:21

Presumably 2020 was during Covid. Why does he not go? Is he refusing or can she just not be motivated to get him there, perhaps due to her own mh issues?

PinkSunsetSky · 17/05/2024 19:22

Can you review the custody situation in light of this new evidence of non attendance ?
Can you raise concerns directly with his school ?

Original poster
rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:24

@LIZS

He stopped going a bit before the schools were closed I think. It seems to be mainly that she cannot be motivated. She does wake him up in the mornings, there are no consequences for not going to school, there is little to no encouragement given to him for him to go to school.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 17/05/2024 19:27

Does the intervention pick him up ? I would just keep picking him up and maybe apply for custody to be upped so he's at yours more, does he not want to go what does he say about it?

Original poster
rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:27

Yep, I have made a new custody application but the last time we were in court was traumatic and I am not sure if I am able to go back to court, as I get nightmare, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts etc.
School are involved but there is not much they can do I don't think. As an EHW is involved they are not able to fine his mum. They have offered lots of advice to his mum but she has not taken on the advice.

OP posts:
FlabMonsterIsDietingAgain · 17/05/2024 19:28

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Mrsjayy · 17/05/2024 19:30

rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:27

Yep, I have made a new custody application but the last time we were in court was traumatic and I am not sure if I am able to go back to court, as I get nightmare, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts etc.
School are involved but there is not much they can do I don't think. As an EHW is involved they are not able to fine his mum. They have offered lots of advice to his mum but she has not taken on the advice.

It sounds like you also don't cope well with stress and motivation either. It sounds like his mum struggle school and you are involved in supporting her to get him to school.

PinkSunsetSky · 17/05/2024 19:31

If your son was 9 in 2020 he is 13 now and that’s a really important age to be going to school, getting prepared for picking subjects and beginning GCSE or Standard grade journeys .
Why can’t the mum be fined for non attendance ? Sorry , I didn’t understand that bit ?

Original poster
rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:31

Yes picking him up is working. I am not likely to go back to court, also it would be good to resolve the issue while he is still living at his mums so he can stay living near his friends.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 17/05/2024 19:31

The school has intervened so they see a problem what else do you want to happen?

Whisperingsummerishere · 17/05/2024 19:31

My exh unregistered our ds from school.. With the plan to homeschool. He told ds on the way home he wasn't doing that shit... He falsified school work. I reported him with ds's backing. They refused to look into it.
Fast forward a few years..... I take dc out of school for a trip.. Get threatened with court and a fine..
Load of absolute bollocks the education department...
Imo.

Original poster
rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:33

@PinkSunsetSky as I understand it, because an Early Help Worker is involved in supporting my son and his mum, his mum cannot be fined - I am not 100% sure on that.

OP posts:
PinkSunsetSky · 17/05/2024 19:35

I don’t think it’s sustainable for you to drive over 5 days a week to get a teenager out of bed and to school ?
This must impact your work ?
Also it’s not fixing the root cause or teaching any self discipline or routine …

PiggieWig · 17/05/2024 19:36

Why does your son say he doesn’t go to school? If it’s purely down to his mum not getting her act together in the morning then yes, she’s failing him. However a 13 year old refusing to go to school is a wholly different situation that’s very hard on everyone.
Work with the school and early help but if taking him yourself is working then I’d carry on.

PinkSunsetSky · 17/05/2024 19:37

I would be asking for custody mon to Fri so that you can instill the routine and tough Luck if he is away from his friends during the week.
his education is far more important .
He can see his friends at the weekend and go back to his mums then.
This really is make or break for this child’s future

Pizzaandcakes · 17/05/2024 19:37

Did you meet with the Early Help keyworker? Does your son tell you why he doesn’t go? What does his mum say about why he doesn’t go?

i think it is generally recognised fines make little difference and a keyworker takes a more active role - addressing underlying issues (like health needs).

Mrsjayy · 17/05/2024 19:41

rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:33

@PinkSunsetSky as I understand it, because an Early Help Worker is involved in supporting my son and his mum, his mum cannot be fined - I am not 100% sure on that.

They would probably rather he gets to school than threatening with fines although I'm not sure of the system where I live there is no fines.

Original poster
rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:41

@PinkSunsetSky Yes that is my thoughts exactly, also his mum made false domestic abuse allegations and false rape allegations against me in the past so it is a risk for me to drive over to her house every school day. I did voice that to Social Services but they glossed over it.

OP posts:
Original poster
rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:44

@PiggieWig there is no real reason, he just would prefer to stay at home, and game and then mess around with his mates after they finish school. It take little effort to get him out of the house though and to school, which I have done all this week.

OP posts:
LIZS · 17/05/2024 19:45

Are his mates at same school? Not sure he is as attached to them if so, and a mve may benefit everyone. How far away do you live?

Original poster
rob38 · 17/05/2024 19:47

@Pizzaandcakes there isnt really a reason, he is very open and would tell us if there was one. It seems to be that like most teenager he does really like getting up in the mornings and off to school, but where most parents would encourage a child to get up he is not getting that encouragement and just allowed to stay home.

In 2020 he was suffering emotional abuse I think and not going to school was a way of him protesting against that.

OP posts: