Is this neglect

[rob38]

My son lived with his mum in 2020 from January until October (he was 9 years old). From February until October he stopped going to school. In October he came to live with me and returned to school.

From September last year until the present my son has lived with his mum full time. From September last year until the present he stopped going to school. This week after Early Help involvement failed to make a difference, I started driving over to my ex-wife's house and getting him up and off to school. He has been in school this whole week.

He does not have ADHD or ASD. He has lots of friends at school, and does not suffer depressions, social anxiety etc.

The problem is solely that when he is left in his mothers care he stops going to school.

In not getting him to school, is his mum being neglectful?

He isn't a teenager he's 9 isn't he?

I would be inclined to put pressure on Social Services as he is clearly being neglected

Absolutely not acceptable for Mum not to get son to school. I’d be thinking about taking this to Court as a Specific Order. Could your son live with you? If so you may be able to get an order to put this in place. Mum is neglecting your child.
good luck

Oh jeez

He was 9 in 2020

Hecwas 9 in 2020. He's 13 now

Is this neglect

No, itsnot. And that is shit.

I'm a Safeguarding Lead. Situations like yours are (a) far too common and (b) not at threshold for social care. There is literally nothing we can do if EH is declined or males no difference, apart from fine - which doesn't achieve or solve anything.

The fact that non-attendance at school due to lazy parenting doesn't meet social care threshold makes me so mad. But literally, you can give kids spending 1, 2, 3 years not attending and get nowhere. Because help is offered, but Lazy Parent doesn't want or need help. So nothing changes. Basically schools try to hassle parents into change with letters, phone calls, home visits etc.

So sorry I totally mis read

He doesn’t go to school when his mum gets him up each morning, but happily gets in the car with you to be dropped off?

It's great that you have finally gotten involved and started this week to get your son back to school, but your version of events in this thread is different to the information you have provided previously.

The way this reads today, you are an actively involved father who is worried about the lack of parenting from your ex. In your other thread you had stopped seeing your son because you believed he was the cause of your migraines and that those migraines were causing you permanent brain damage and putting you at risk of dementia.

Your poor son appears to have a multitude of reasons why he may not be wanting to go to school and they all appear to be caused by his parents.

On one side according to you he apparently has a mother who couldn't care less about whether he's at school and makes up lies about his dad abusing her. On the other side he has a dad who blames him for his illnesses, so just stops seeing him.

13 yo son hasn't been to school for 8 months, I got cross with him yesterday www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/5063344-13-yo-son-hasnt-been-to-school-for-8-months-i-got-cross-with-him-yesterday

It sounds like you have a strong case there in it being in his best interests to be with you on most school nights at least!
You need to find support for your mental health in dealing with the courts for your sons sake

Would mum agree to you having him
Sunday- we'd and Thursday Friday and sat? And her have more school holiday time to balance out You could do the morning pick ups on Thursday and Friday for a while

You should at least have your phone on voice record when you go in and out of house (do tell her this though don't secretly record)

To add to this question, having noted your previous posts, who is your daughter living with? Does she have the same mother as your son, and if so, does she go to school?

You’ve previously mentioned that your son was in a lot of trouble at school, resulting in the threat of expulsion. Also that he blackmailed you and gave you migraines so you decided you couldn’t see him any more. At 13, most young people take personal responsibility for their own journey to and from school. Were the behavioural issues in school resolved? Have you reconciled with him after you wouldn’t see him? Does he still have therapeutic support from CAMHS? (Who don’t have the best reputation by the way).

It sounds like this poor lad is struggling big time.

Has he had any support or counselling for the emotional abuse he suffered? And is he safe now from it?

Seems there's not much point posting advice or opinions to you, as your other threads show how much you aren't listening. You are both letting your son down, you want to blame her and even blame him, a child, your little boy even at 13, while you don't have the courage or the responsibility required to actually do the right thing and look after him. Oh I can't this, I can't that it's too hard, I am too traumatised by it, its too difficult for you, an adult grown man who is a parent? You don't want to more like. Seeking validation for your own neglectful choices on here. That's being the dad or the mum, doing the harder thing, day and night, so your kids don't have to raise themselves while you both ruin their future lives, prospects, mental health and happiness. Shame on you both for emotionally abusing this poor boy.

Agree, there is fault on both sides and you are deflecting it all onto your ex. Your dc have become piggies in the middle and probably don't know who or how to please. Your feelings and needs have to become secondary to theirs including health worries, in the short term to try to resolve this. It would be interesting to hear ex side of things.

Let me guess does one go to Shut and the other to B*** High.......what a joke 🤣 🤣 🤣