What did life look like for your with a 4 week old?

[QueSyrahSyrah]

Hello Mums

We're expecting our first baby in a few weeks time, and my Mum and Stepdad (who I'm not close to) have booked to come and visit for a fortnight circa 5 weeks after our due date.

They'll stay in a hotel nearby but my Mum, who can be 'a lot', is already talking about days out and so on while they're here.

I'm incredulous that we'll be up for full day trips, especially since DH will be back at work and my Mum's level of 'help' will extend to having a go at pushing the pram. Neither of them drive either so if we go anywhere by car it'll all be on me (assuming I don't end up with a c-section).

In order to try and manage expectations and prepare myself, what did life look like for you with a 4-5 week old newborn, in terms of getting out and about, and hosting visitors who to whom it wouldn't occur to lend a hand with making a brew or doing the dishes, etc

Thanks in advance

Everyone is different, but I was still very much in a haze of weeping, squirting breast milk all over the house and not having much of a clue what u was doing. It was all like a surreal, sleep deprived dream. Getting out at all was a challenge, never mind a day out...

I could easily go out for a couple of hours, but days out wouldn't have been at all enjoyable.

Sleep is still very broken at that stage and you're sort of living in a time loop of feed/nap/change bum. I found everything was manageable and quite enjoyable when I was at home and in my routine, but if I had to go out for longer than a couple of hours and disrupt it all then my brain was constantly spinning thinking about what time it was and how long since last feed etc.

I would certainly be planting the seed that you will not be doing lots of driving. If you are sleep deprived then you will really not be up for this. I would promise very little, say you will see how you and babe are at the time. With younger ds i was fully back to normal at 4 weeks with elder ds i was very much still recovering. Put yourself first.

You have cleverly had your baby in the late spring so you will be able to enjoy a lovely summer with a newborn. (I have two spring babies.)

If the weather is nice then hanging out in the beer garden of a pub is a lovely thing to do with a brand new baby. Drinks, food and toilets all on tap along with (if you pick the right one) nice seating and shade.

Driving to a day trip 4 weeks post partum? HARD pass.

You will be sleep deprived and probably still bleeding (if no c section). If you're breastfeeding baby will probably want feeding every couple of hours at the absolute latest. You will be massively behind on housework because you'll be holding the baby 20 hours a day. You will probably not brush your hair in a few months. Showering is a luxury, not a given. As are meals for yourself.

When you get visitors just point them in the direction of the kettle and tell them to help themselves.

(I'm not trying to say that having a newborn is the worst thing ever - actually I thrived on it. But it's incredibly intense and I wouldn't even THINK about a day trip with a baby that age. I remember one time when my son was tiny, I was making my own lunch and burned my hand; I have to call my mum to come and physically hold the baby so he wouldn't cry while I ate and held my hand in cold water. Newborn stage is all about survival - day trips are for a few months down the line)

I was out and about a lot. I found it worse being home all the time

I was only just starting to leave the house at that point-usually still in PJs at lunch time etc! Was just starting to go out for a couple of hours here and there, deffo not full days out, and could barely find time to make our own meals let alone host! Xx

Well it's hard to say depending on the birth and if your baby is fit and well. But even if you have the best birth and a baby that sleeps sometimes you will be exhausted at 5 weeks. If planning on breastfeeding 5 weeks is still early days too and if it all goes fine the baby will still be feeding every couple of hours and you might not be quite confident with feeding in public yet.
I had fairly straightforward births but with my first I would have found full days out hard at 5 weeks, I went out with my mum for an afternoon in the first month but she is very supportive.
I wouldn't have been up for dinner out and getting myself and the baby ready for a certain time would have been stress I didn't really need.
I think it could be lovely to see your family but you and they need to be realistic about how it's going to work out, be prepared to be flexible basically

A blur! I maybe managed the odd short walk but no day trips at that point!

At 3 weeks postpartum with my first I made it to a restaurant that was a half an hour walk away. It was a lot of organisation and energy though and we literally just walked there, ate and walked straight back!

I wouldn't have managed a full day out nor would I have attempted it. Just small simple trips. And in my family it's the done thing to help when you are visiting someone with a tiny baby e.g bring food, hang washing etc.

@PorcupineSpongeTeeth are you me?! Exactly this!

Also re driving, I didn't have a c section but still didn't actually drive for 5 weeks with the first just because I was uncomfortable from stitches for the first 2 weeks and just felt too much to go out by myself with the baby at that stage. I wouldn't have wanted to drive for a day out unless it was very close by

I was like a zombie.....my son wouldn't sleep. I was struggling with breastfeeding and crying most days. If I got to the end of the road it was a triumph. He's now 18 and taller than me so I didn't get it too bad Lol. Seriously just see how you feel on the day. Point them in the direction of the kettle/kitchen and relax 💐🍀

I was out and about at 5 weeks, but would visit relatives, go for a walk in the park or meet friends for lunch. I was lucky that DD1 slept through from a couple of weeks so I was getting some rest and I was bottle feeding so DH would help with feeds, etc. I did have a c-section so I wasn't driving. My MIL and FIL came to stay with us when DD2 was born, she arrived the day after I came out of hospital, but she was super helpful and FIL would take DD1 out to the park, etc. so having them here was a help.

Thank you all. This all pretty much matches up with my expectations, so just to hope for the best and try to do some managing of her expectations in the meantime! I did laugh out loud when she suggested that DH and I could have a night out while they were here

A huge slight complication is that due to some serious conflict around boundaries and privacy in my early teens the thought of breastfeeding in front of her makes me deeply uncomfortable. Ok if we're at home as I can take baby off into another room (and lock the door, as I have no doubts that she'd burst in) but obviously very much harder if we're out.

My dad was visiting. He kept encouraging me to keep the baby warm when the health visitor was telling us not to let the baby overheat. I spent ages getting ready for my first trip to the NCT baby group, and he made me put a coat on her and then she started crying and I had to feed her and change her again and I missed the bus and was extremely late and walked into the baby group and burst into tears in front of a group of complete strangers. And they were all really nice and made me feel much better.

I'm out and about doing trips and whatever else at 4 weeks. You will just have to see how you feel but I don't think it would be out of the question that you will want to go on some day trips and some days out. Probably not all day 9-5 but certainly a few hours.

I've got a daytime hen do at around 4 weeks PP this time. I'm planning to get the train there (about 1.5 hours), do the lunch and a few drinks and then get DH to collect me afterwards late afternoon. Baby will be coming too of course.

Breast feed, sleep on me, change nappy, breast feed, sleep on me, change nappy. Cry.Strap baby into sling go for a waddle (c section) manoeuvre boob to bf on the walk. Get hone, Bob around so as not to wake baby. Breast feed. Change nappy. Cry.

It's hard to say, really, as everyone has different experiences. By 4 weeks, I would have been fine for days out, etc. I was lucky and had a quick recovery. I think you need to play it ear, really. And speak to your mum to let her know what the situation will be like.

I was out and about every day from a few days (planned sections) though not driving, as I hadn't passed my test yet

My husband was around as well, and it was kind of like a big long holiday with our baby. Sleep deprivation was manageable so it was genuinely fine 😀

I'm looking back at my photos for 'evidence' of when we did stuff for first and second babies.

Within the first week

• pub lunches, church, supermarket, going to visit friends in another city (2nd baby). Having friends over for dinner (2nd baby)

1-2, weeks

• visiting friends in another city (1st baby)
• going out in the evening for dinner with baby in the pram, going out to a bbq with friends with baby in sling.
• going to soft play (2nd baby only)

2-4 weeks

• day trip to the zoo (1st baby), day out to the science museum (2nd baby to celebrate being 2 weeks), and other less increasing day trips - maybe 1/2 a week
• I hosted a baby sprinkle for 30 guests at home, with a lot of baking. (1st baby)

4-6 weeks

• went abroad for a week (2nd baby)
• threw a birthday party at home for my second (2nd baby)

For my first there were no real difficulties getting out. My second baby was a bit trickier, and I breastfed her which took some getting used to doing it in public, but other than that, it was fine.

I don't anyone ever did my washing up or made me a coffee (husband aside), but it wasn't needed. Best few months of my life both times.

However, I took to newborns like a duck to water (which surprised me). I found later down the line far trickier. I had no baby blues and a very supportive family. Postpartum is a very odd time. Some women find it very difficult, a lucky few find a burst of energy and adrenaline and float through it (me). Neither people are 'better', and you can't really predict how you'll find it.

I came on here to say basically the same. It was a very strange time.

Out and about from day 4.
I had a summer baby and the weather was hot. I found it harder being in the house.
I had been in hospital 4 days with being induced etc I just wanted to be free. I had a loooong labour and had a second degree tear.
Being out and about lifted my mood. Yes I was tired and constantly feeding but had a supportive husband and didn't rush about on his paternity leave of 2 weeks. After that I was comfortable feeding in public and got into the swing of things/meeting friends etc

I am 4 weeks post partum now with my third baby who is my best sleeper so far. I have managed a lunch out and another day a neighbours daytime party for 3 hours. Both made me so tired I needed a day at home to recover. Baby breastfeeds and sleeps. He is only awake and alert for a few hours a day.

I have only recently started to enjoy visitors and showing off baby but I only want to have them for 3 hours tops. I like going out for an hour or so then I want to come home and sit on the sofa and take my bra off.

4 weeks or thereabouts was when my PND kicked in. I was fully functioning on the outside was an emotional and hormonal car crash on the inside. There's no way I'd have planned any outings at that stage.