What did life look like for your with a 4 week old?

[QueSyrahSyrah]

Hello Mums

We're expecting our first baby in a few weeks time, and my Mum and Stepdad (who I'm not close to) have booked to come and visit for a fortnight circa 5 weeks after our due date.

They'll stay in a hotel nearby but my Mum, who can be 'a lot', is already talking about days out and so on while they're here.

I'm incredulous that we'll be up for full day trips, especially since DH will be back at work and my Mum's level of 'help' will extend to having a go at pushing the pram. Neither of them drive either so if we go anywhere by car it'll all be on me (assuming I don't end up with a c-section).

In order to try and manage expectations and prepare myself, what did life look like for you with a 4-5 week old newborn, in terms of getting out and about, and hosting visitors who to whom it wouldn't occur to lend a hand with making a brew or doing the dishes, etc

Thanks in advance

This sounds really tough.

I think everyone's experience varies because this has not been the experience of most of my friends with babies. Most are out and about and able to exercise basic self-care. In fact, we all joke how it wasn't as bad as we were made to believe at nct!!

Hope things are better for you now!

I had a c section so was still in a lot of pain. Breastfeeding, sleep deprived.

But also desperate to get out of the house.

Days out would have been way too much but going out for lunch and a short walk very welcome.

After an induction and a very very long labour I’m afraid I was still deep in the wierdworld at 4 weeks. I remember crying to my dad that it was all just too too much and him reassuring me that it was indeed temporary and all would be right soonish.
Daytrips and such like could just fuck off at that point.
Don’t feel any responsibility to do anything at all of you don’t feel like it - it’s a peculiar but wonderful time and you may or may not want to share it - don’t make any commitments to anything specific and be as vague as you can.

Your latest post concerns me even more, then.
You need to consider what emotional state you'll be in and how she might impact that.

It is such a range. I was very lucky and naive so was out n about three days later
On a night out two weeks post birth. But I had no complications, bottle fed and had a baby who was super chill.

I was fleeing my abusive ex

Trying to find houses we got safely hide in

It's a very hard time
The pain from childbirth and the lack of sleep at That point takes its toll

I saw visitors for half an hour only. The rest of my time was spent feeding, changing, cuddling baby and sleeping. That’s all I did at four weeks post birth. Cancel your mother, she is batshit crazy.

Full days out are stressful, even when they’re a few months on from this and you’re physically well again. The amount of stuff you need for a full day out is almost more hassle than it’s worth. Going for a lunch or a walk in a local park would be fine or if it was somewhere you particularly wanted to visit then maybe a few hours but anything more than that I don’t think I’d commit in advance. It also takes you way longer than you can plan to be able to just get out the house in the morning. Just as you think you’re ready to go they either need fed or they have a dirty nappy again/have been sick on their clean outfit 🙈 I’d say lower her expectations from the off and say you can’t plan anything ahead of time, once you see how baby is and when they nap etc you’ll know better

It 100% depends on so many factors.

My ds is 5 weeks old tomorrow, we went for a day out to the zoo 3 weeks ago so when he was 2 weeks old.

I had a vaginal delivery with no issues and bottle feeding so was sharing the nights with my husband until he went back to work last week.

I don't think you can plan anything you will simply need to wait and see.

Horrible. I was trying to recovery from an EMCS and to bf. I mostly remember pain and trying to get my baby to latch.
Things settled down around 3 months.

I've just re-read your OP and no I could never have coped with visitors who were relying on me to look after them or entertain them.

We actually did lots of 'days out' at this stage - but they involved DH driving the car and me and DS sleeping!

Of course - it will depend on how you feel which in itself depends on the birth and how well your baby feeds and sleeps. As a newborn mine was difficult (only have the one) so can only speak from my perspective.

No way - 2 weeks is way too long.
my babies varied but the common denominator was:

• Total exhaustion
• Still in pain from the effects childbirth
• VERY emotionally up and down
• A shittip of a house
• Long nights waking up constantly
• For this first, boobs out for breastfeeding.

I did have my mum as a visitor at that stage for just 3 nights but it was WAY too much. And she DID expect things of me, and even if she waited on me hand and foot the politics and checking what guests are planning that day, if they’re comfortable, taking up the toilet and bathroom space etc - it will be very stressful even with the most accommodating guests.

Have them but cut it short

First baby - 2 weeks overdue, week in hospital after emergency c section, terrible time feeding. If you came to see me 4 weeks after due date you're have found me with tits out, frantic state, a big weepy exhausted mess.

Second baby would have been fine!

I'd ask them to be prepared to entertain themselves. You'll have other things to do!

I was definitely doing day trips at that point, though was lucky to have a fairly easy recovery and breastfeeding experience. In fact my parents had flown out to stay with us when baby was 1 week old and think I've got pictures of being in a different bar/restaurant everyday in the sunshine 😆

But it's all so up in the air until baby is actually here and you know how you're both doing. Perhaps just say you'll hopefully be able to join them in some things, but will just have to play it by ear?

Dazed, groggy, tearful, terrified and exhausted.

It's different for everyone. I was out dog walking first day home, first full day trip out at 8 days to make the most of husband being off. Hosting visitors and going out no issue after the first week really. To be quite honest, they are far more portable and easy to take out at that age than as they get older! I was still a bit weepy at times but generally found getting out and on with things helped. Everyone different through, there is no 'right' and you will only know how you feel when it happens. Just explain that and say no set plans for now.

I went to a wedding a 5 hour drive away at 4w postpartum, it’s doable. But it was really low pressure. It was a friends wedding, DH and I just did what we had to do. It was hard. There were tears. My capacity for people was only a couple of hours.

This 100%

Same! Also every time I got to the front door I had to go back and change a nappy. Possibly easier with the second but I was still in a horrible few hours awake few hours sleeping cycle and felt like death, I cried a lot (I mean constantly).

But all babies and mums are different!

I would maybe have a list in your head of what you would like to do but don’t feel bad if you can’t manage it.

It looked very very peaceful and certainly didn’t involve a 5 week stay from my mother (who I’m also not close to). And to put it in perspective, with DC1 we moved house when he was 7 weeks old, so 4 weeks old we were preparing for that 😄 really a visit from mother would have been far more stressful.

Four weeks with your first is very different to four weeks with subsequent babies. With my first I considered it an achievement to be up and dressed before noon. By my third I’d done a school an nursery run by 8.45 on a weekday, and done trips (although not all day - we were pass holders so could go for a couple of hours) to zoos/theme parks. If you breast feed, those early weeks are incredibly limiting, I could easily be feeding 45 minutes in a two hour period (that improves though as everything gets more efficient and their tummies grow).

I was like the walking dead. Sore, exhausted, bored.
Lasted another three months, stopped bf and went back to work pt.

Yup massive difference between life with your first 4 week old and any subsequent 4 week olds!

@BingoMarieHeeler Gosh it's a two week visit not a 5 week one! Over my dead body would they ever come for that long!

Thanks all for the responses. I'll start setting the expectations now that it'll all be played by ear and that some days we just won't be seeing them at all (especially if DH is still off, because we'll want a last few days as just 3 before he has to go back to work).

Cancelling or delaying isn't an option as once they've been and gone DH's Mum is waiting in the wings to visit, although she'll demand much lower input from me and is less hard work all round. Imagine the responses if I asked 'AIBU to tell the Grandmothers they've to wait 3 months to visit our newborn'

@CheeseWisely ha don’t know where I got 5 from 😄 I’d still be losing my mind after a 2 week visit from my mum haha