What did life look like for your with a 4 week old?

[QueSyrahSyrah]

Hello Mums

We're expecting our first baby in a few weeks time, and my Mum and Stepdad (who I'm not close to) have booked to come and visit for a fortnight circa 5 weeks after our due date.

They'll stay in a hotel nearby but my Mum, who can be 'a lot', is already talking about days out and so on while they're here.

I'm incredulous that we'll be up for full day trips, especially since DH will be back at work and my Mum's level of 'help' will extend to having a go at pushing the pram. Neither of them drive either so if we go anywhere by car it'll all be on me (assuming I don't end up with a c-section).

In order to try and manage expectations and prepare myself, what did life look like for you with a 4-5 week old newborn, in terms of getting out and about, and hosting visitors who to whom it wouldn't occur to lend a hand with making a brew or doing the dishes, etc

Thanks in advance

I was able to get up and go out for a few hours.

I had a c section and was driving a week later. (In a different country which didn't have same rules)

But I was tired. I couldn't manage full days if that means 9am until 8pm including cooking and hosting etc.

I'd say a walk in a country park and lunch would be my limit. Then home for a nap (me and baby!) and arranging to meet next afternoon would be the most you could manage providing you're fit and well.

I could barely get out of the house at 4 weeks! I was still in pain after a third degree tear and struggling with a baby that was born with some health problems that were, at that time, present but still undiagnosed.

When my mother came, exh stopped helping around the house because my mum was here but mum didn’t help at all because she didn’t want to impose/it was not her place so I had a useless husband for a couple of weeks and an untimely visitor to entertain at the time I only wanted to sleep when DS was not feeding or crying.

If my mum had come with yet another adult to entertain I would have been raging. Now, you can walk everywhere from where I live but if I needed to be driving the pair around that would have been fucking inconvenient, and two weeks??? No, get your mother to come for a weekend on her own and that’s it, unless you come from one of those cultures were mums become the carer fully so their new mum daughters can rest and have a time to recover and enjoy their baby without to much stress (The fact your mum is bringing in another person to worry about makes me think she is not that kind of mother at all. She is just thinking of what works for her).

Bloody chaos and I look back and wished people had left me alone! In and out of hospital unwell myself and poorly baby, not a clue whether we were coming or going, what we were supposed to do just getting through the day.

SIL on the other hand, went to a huge family party the very next day after giving birth and admits she found it all very easy. Not jealous btw just showing you two polar opposites. You really can't tell how it's going to go.

Same

Ask them to lend a hand and so the fishes. You aren't there just to provide holiday entertainment for them.

I was very lucky and was pretty happy and settled with baby by then. I’d had a C-section so had to be a bit careful but was very comfortable generally. I did go out and about, for short and for longer trips, and it was very easy as we’d properly established feeding by then and he was just an easy little thing, either in his pram or in a sling.
I’ve just had a flick through my old photos - week4-6 we went to see various different friends, both out and at their houses, we went to ‘meet’ father Christmas (I’m sure DS remembers that one 😂), we went to a big Christmas market, a walk around our local fancy pants gardens all lit up for Christmas with the baby in a sling, all that sort of stuff.
I wouldn’t have liked to have felt any sort of obligation though. There’s no guarantee on your rate of recovery, mental health etc. I think I would be setting expectations low now and then you can always do more nearer the time if you want to and feel like it.

Four weeks for us was 24th of Dec 2020. I was still relatively injured from a 3B tear and mentally unwell with PND.

We moved house that day 😂

I'd recommend just going with the flow. You won't know how you'll feel until the little one is here. Take it a day at a time :)

I've been out and about each time ive given birth within 24 hours and life continued as normal. Took me a couple of days after twins were born to figure out how to get out with 2 tiny babies and 2 toddlers but ye I wouldn't want to stay indoors if I didn't need to

Had a very chilled newborn who slept most of the time, and overnight sleep in 3 hour blocks (very good!).

But still no to all day trips at 4 weeks!

They need to be fed every 2 hours max (cluster feeding likely), and between that and nappy changes/clothes changes because of poonamis/trying to catch up on sleep yourself you don't get that much down time to be wandering around National Trust properties.

It's also just quite a mission to get out of the house at that stage when they need feeding/changing so regularly. They always seem to do a massive poo that requires a full outfit change just as you're about to leave. And they don't like being in the car seat for long, nor should they be in it for longer than 30 mins as a newborn.

That sounds very negative, and please don't take it as so. Having a newborn is spectacularly wonderful and amazing! But the less pressure to do anything other than be in your bubble, the better.

Pub lunch and wander round town are good level of outings at that stage.

At 4 weeks dh was back to work and it was just dd and me. No family close by so I was out of the house most days at baby clubs or meeting nct friends. I generally dislike being at home and I found it easier being out amongst other mums. Everyone's different though.

At 4 weeks I was recovering still from the birth and mostly on the sofa with the baby, watching Devious Maids.
By 6 weeks, I was going out and about.

My DC were born before paternity leave and I was very lucky with DC 1 who took to feeding very well. We moved at 4 weeks so had packing up and saying goodbye to family and friends as well as Christmas to prepare for so I could easily have accommodated trips out.
DC2 was very miserable and needed very frequent feeds but I had a tiny toddler to deal with as well as home duties so we were constantly out of the house and again would have been fine to have visitors.
I had a section for DC3 and was absolutely fine by four weeks in myself but they were in hospital for most of that summer which was, of course unpredictable.
No real way to know how things will be for you .DC3 was a good feeder but I was nearly 40 by then and found the sleeplessness harder to deal with than when I was in my 20s which is another factor to contend with .

I was alright about 4 weeks postpartum but it partly depends on the baby- it's unreasonable for them to want to make ANY plans beyond 'play it by ear' as you don't know how you'll feel, whether baby will be colicky, any number of things. Mine was a reasonably easy newborn so I didn't mind going out in the early days once I'd physically recovered a bit (although he made up for his easiness at about 4 months old 😆).

BUT I avoided driving at that stage, with broken sleep I just didn't feel safe behind the wheel. So I spent a lot of time going for gentle walks with him in the sling, sitting in a cafe with a book and so on. But a lot of my friends were perfectly happy to drive quite soon- everyone's different.

But as neither of them drive, I'd be putting the kibosh on the idea of day trips with you doing all the driving! It would be a bit different if they were able to do all the driving and give you as much help as you wanted with nappies etc, but it would still be more than reasonable if you still didn't fancy jt!

It varies depending on your confidence and the baby's temperament.

DD1 screamed a lot, cluster fed, spit up and as we were using disposable nappies the poop leaked out the back over her outfits and I leaked breastmilk as I had an oversupply that hadn't settled. I needed changes of clothes to go out!

DD2 was a content baby, happy in the pram or sling, feeding settled early, nappies never leaked. We could take her places easy that early but I would not have liked to be pressured.

4 weeks was great. Fully recovered from the birth (c-sections), back in my clothes, driving, no bleeding. And baby was content to be pushed around wherever in the pram, slept a lot, they had a bottle every 4 hours so it was predictable, were getting a decent amount of sleep overnight. With my first who was a summer baby we did lots of walks, pub beer gardens. I look back on it so fondly! Second baby was a similar temperament but was a winter lock down baby so we didn’t get out much and I really missed it. But no one knows how your baby will be, and how you’ll be doing so don’t make any firm plans would be my advice.