What did life look like for your with a 4 week old?

[QueSyrahSyrah]

Hello Mums

We're expecting our first baby in a few weeks time, and my Mum and Stepdad (who I'm not close to) have booked to come and visit for a fortnight circa 5 weeks after our due date.

They'll stay in a hotel nearby but my Mum, who can be 'a lot', is already talking about days out and so on while they're here.

I'm incredulous that we'll be up for full day trips, especially since DH will be back at work and my Mum's level of 'help' will extend to having a go at pushing the pram. Neither of them drive either so if we go anywhere by car it'll all be on me (assuming I don't end up with a c-section).

In order to try and manage expectations and prepare myself, what did life look like for you with a 4-5 week old newborn, in terms of getting out and about, and hosting visitors who to whom it wouldn't occur to lend a hand with making a brew or doing the dishes, etc

Thanks in advance

I was happy to be out and about doing days out at four weeks. I hosted Christmas dinner for family at that age with one, travelled across the country for a wedding, and I was camping in the lakes by that age with another. I looked and felt fine at four weeks, was back to light exercise - classes, light runs, and lucky to have no wounds to heal.

So, it’s not all doom and gloom. I felt great after giving birth after utter nightmare pregnancies. Having the baby was like a new lease of life and newfound freedom. I was out for a walk within hours of each birth and delighted with my babies. The babies varied in difficulty and one had medical appointments every day for weeks - I had to travel to hospitals every day with all dc in tow so no choice but to be out. But having a baby around is really lovely and to be celebrated- congratulations!

Yup, those early days are fucking hard work.

With my first, I was all over the place with feeding etc at 5 weeks pp and generally pretty anxious about baby. I wouldn't have wanted to make any concrete plans. With my second, (which was a section), by 5 weeks we were out and about, mainly because my first was 5 years old by then and we were up and out for school run x2 a day. Anything is possible, but it is impossible to predict how you'll feel.

I’d had a night out by six weeks and left dc with grandparents - they all had a lovely time. I wouldn’t rule it out if it’s something you’d like to do - you sound lucky enough for your baby is being born into a family - not a couple. It’s lovely they are excited and want to help. It doesn’t last forever.

I was fully functioning by week 4 with both of mine - 1 vaginal delivery 1 ELCS but I don’t need much sleep and am happy with disturbed sleep and I also couldn’t breast feed ( medical reasons not choice) . I was driving 2 weeks after my section and prior to that my mum was driving me for the school run and to visit our horses . I had horrendous pregnancies with HG both times so felt much better after the births ( after about a week )

So I was fortunate to have relatively easy births and found breastfeeding easy. I wouldn't do a day trip with the pram but with a sling I absolutely would and did. In fact I spent a lot of time doing day trips to the zoo as my toddler could charge around all day in a car free space and I could feed my baby in the sling while chasing him. So all in all, it really depends on your birth and how feeding goes, which you won't know until they arrive. Oh, and whether your baby hates the car or not. My first did, my second was fine.

I spent the early months with each of mine sitting in a chair bfing on demand. There was also a bit of general wrangling of the other DDs and long walks to school. But mostly sitting and staring at the baby.

4 weeks postpartum now and on my second week I went to a birthday party, did a day trip, visited relatives, did school pick ups and after school clubs and just this weekend and last week after school I did after school clubs and then playground for older ds and today got home at 7pm because I went for a meal and then playground to tire out my ds. The first two weeks though the weather was shit and I was very sleep deprived and had issues with feeding and latching on boob but now baby has hacked it, even when I'm very tired it just feels 100% better to be outdoors and doing things than sitting at home waiting for baby to grow and get easier.

This is second baby though so I have to carry on for the the sake of first child as life goes on whereas first baby I was home all day for weeks, anxious, not comfortable feeding in public but now it's a different ball game with second child as I have said life goes on and the baby has to fit around your current routine. There's no time off, there's no putting feet up and resting and recovering.

@CheeseWisely how would you feel about this visit for that length of time without a a baby?

Start from there.

Nobody can answer how you might be, as you know.

Had I written this ten years ago, I would have said fabulous go for it. Five years ago I would have said not a chance.

I wouldn't want anyone here for two weeks, in a hotel or not.

I would suggest you cancel, postpone, and suggest dates and length sorted once baby here and settled.

My first I could have done it, my second no chance, my third covid so no option, fourth same. It's not about you entertaining them, it's just about you and baba. Good luck

We had an allergy baby. It was...bad.

As others have said it'll look very different for everyone.

At 4 weeks I was still recovering from my planned section. Everything was going as it should and I was starting to feel myself again but still being very careful. Truthfully I know I absorbed as many lovely cuddles etc as I could but I mainly remember that time as a happy blur. I was up feeding ds every 1hr30min day and night and was exhausted and one thing I wasn't prepared for is how intense that is and how much it affects your memory and cognitive functioning. I still felt quite emotional at times and felt quite anxious about leaving the house but was glad when I did. My mum was coming up once a week to take me out since I still couldn't drive. I had to make my own way to my community midwives appointments which ran until week 6 and was in the local hospital. At that point I was able to walk there and back but it was tiring. Still was very much working on figuring out breastfeeding and ds
was on average latched on to me at last 9-10hrs a day (24hrs) on and off and dh found that difficult as he felt like a bit of a spare part, however it meant I needed him to take the lead on everything else in the house. I still wasn't confident feeding in public but was trying to force myself to do it and it did get much easier with time and practice. By week 4 I was just arranging visitors to suit me as I found it was stressful having too many people coming while trying to get to grips with feeds as you're quite exposed in the early weeks. It was all very much figuring out as I went and trying to trust my gut! Great to get an idea of it (and make sure your partner does his research too) but don't feel like there's any right or wrong way for you to feel. Every baby and every experience is different and valid.

hosting visitors who to whom it wouldn't occur to lend a hand with making a brew or doing the dishes, etc

Hard no. Also, at 4 weeks I wouldn't be spending more than 30 mins with anyone I didn't feel comfortable breastfeeding in front of. But then my baby struggled to latch so BFing was quite hard work to begin with.

Life carried on, I already had a 7 year old, 12 month old and then a new born, the day after I came home from hospital with my 3rd, I had to walk 7 year old to school!
I came home on a Friday and cooked a roast on the Sunday.
it was much the same with my first, my friend had her baby when my 1st was 2 weeks old and I caught the bus to go and visit her,
when my 2nd was born I had to walk eldest to school the next day
You just get on with it like you did before you had a baby, only difference being you have to remember to take the baby with you 🤣

I had a section, and was in hospital for four days. But after a day of people dropping in we went out for lunch - breastfeeding in public for the first time - and it was fine! Not all day, and of course I didn't drive.
After that - I started post natal classes when he was three weeks and got out every day. I used to do walk a three mile triangle. One mile to post natal group or baby clinic, one mile to coffee shop, then one mile uphill to home. It was great to get out (babies are pretty boring). Then think when he was a bit older I went to the gym three days a week (they had a crèche). He must have been above every x weeks as I had to drive. I returned to work when he was five months.
So, I guess I was pretty active from the start. You won't know until it happens how you will be. But do not drive until you feel ready.

@hjrl That's a great question, and a fortnight is a double the time they'd usually come for!

That said, when they're here for a week they do usually spend a good part of it pottering about under their own steam (luckily we live in a desirable tourist destination!) but I'm sure the combination of the baby and my not being a work is likely to increase the time they want to spend with us.

I'm very thankful that my DH is not only very hands on generally, he's also very good at being a bit of a human buffer when my Mum and I start to rub each other the wrong way. If baby is a week or so late he'll still be off work for the majority of their stay, so fingers (and legs!? ) crossed for that...

I remember going to a wildlife park when second was very young. He spent all day with a sheet over his pram as it was very hot and sunny! I also remember trips to the shopping centre and going to a friend’s house when he was less than two weeks. But I had a 7 year old so sitting about at home didn’t for us. With the eldest, it was lovely weather and I remember going to a family occasion and staying overnight around 3 weeks, although I would have preferred to stay at home as he cried all the time.
We had visitors but none who expected to be waited on. Family visitors always brought shopping with them and helped out.

Totally and utterly depends on what kind of baby you have. If they're easy then you will probably be fine for day trips (if a bit tired)

If they're unsettled and you're not getting sleep then it will be too much. I was very much at the stage where a short walk was a big daily event. Unless you are very lucky it's likely you'll be in survival mode at that stage.

I don't really understand what your mum is hoping to achieve by coming if she's not willing to help out? Surely that's the only reason to visit at such an early stage? I needed my mum badly at this point, would she definitely not be a helpful presence?

@Edenmum2 Maybe she'll completely surprise me and be a great help but I doubt it given my experience as her child. Ultimately I suspect she's coming to push the pram, have cuddles, and take pictures to brag to show her friends and random strangers back home.

They booked it way back in December when I was only about 14 weeks and it still all seemed a bit surreal.

Oh that sounds stressful, be firm with what you want from her. You just have no idea how you'll feel, it's such a mad time - you might be happy to have her there, it's honestly just so nice to have somebody to hand the baby to at that point so she may be useful even if she does the bare minimum!

Sounds like you have a complicated relationship so it's hard to compare. Ultimately don't let her presence detract from your mental health or enjoyment of your new baby

4 weeks is early....

You MIGHT be totally fine for whole day trips.

My experience:
Eldest - I could have done a full day. I was out and about for short walls etc from day 4 (day 3 was a write off due to baby blues! Hit me like a truck). But at 4 weeks I think looking back I was probably anaemic. My tear had healed but I was still bleeding very heavily and I felt really weak. I remember being amazed that my mum could hold baby on her shoulda one handed and use the vacuum cleaner with the other. My muscles just felt watery. Baby was also VERY tetchy and started cluster feeding from 4pm onwards, so morning and early afternoons were fine but evenings were rubbish.
Twins: c section. Couldn't have walked all day and wasn't able to drive either. They slept very well at that age though, so I could have done a day trip of someone else drove and the walking was slow.
DC4: easy recovery despite her being my biggest baby. No weakness and very little bleeding by that stage. Was doing day trips no trouble.

You don't know how the birth/recovery will be. So you can't predict how well you will manage day trips. But I think the odds are that they wouldbe tough. Aim to stay close to home and be flexible. Evenings are usually the tough part with a newborn.

The boundary issues sound concerning OP.

My first I was out all day pretty much everyday, my second I've hardly gone out at all and she's now 5 months. Suns finally been out and I'm feeling the urge to go out more now. I had a winter baby and I've been happy in my bubble. First was summer born so I think for me it was weather dependent 😂.

It's not a coincidence that I've lived on a different land mass for the past 20 years.

Out and about like normal at 4 weeks with my first.

I have 2 week old twins this time and had a c-section so doubt I'll be up for a day trip in 2 more weeks.

This!

The best advice I got given was newborn babies are portable and much easier to transport around than older babies/toddlers.

Baby will settle into own routine at 7/8 months so no need to force it unless you feel the need to do earlier.

Go about and live your life and bring baby with you. If bottle feeding, bring bottles, formula and hot water.

I was out about 4 days after birth (had my nails done with baby in sling!) and I had a c-section.

We regularly go out for days with my 20 month old and have done since the first week, just pack a big bag of bottles and formula!

Good luck!