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Parenting

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Original poster

X accusing me of being an unfit mother for taking DS out in rain

99 replies

Dsmama24 · 22/04/2024 19:49

Hi all, looking for some advice. Have a 2 month old ds with x who wasn’t involved at all during the pregnancy (due to his inferdelity but was his choice to go NC, it was an unplanned pregnancy).
I messaged him to inform him of the birth of DS and said he was welcome to meet ds but I would respect his decision if not and would not contact him again. To my surprise he wanted to meet him.
All seemed to be going well regarding visits and he bought him some gifts.

However today following my daily update regarding ds he has accused me of being an unfit mother because I took ds for a walk outdoors in the rainy ‘freezing’ weather (it’s 11 degrees outside). He then proceeded to block me. I had explained ds was well wrapped up with a hat, jacket, fleece blanket and his rain cover on.
Where would you go from here? What concerns me is if he takes me to court then as he is a Dr, would they take his word more being a medical professional? Ive never withheld contact from him.
Thanks in advance :)

OP posts:

patchworkpal · 22/04/2024 19:51

I'd stop sending him daily updates even if he unblocks you and get on with your life with your child. He's not interested

Menomeno · 22/04/2024 19:52

He’s a doctor of bollocks. Are we only allowed to take babies outside for a few dry days between June and August? Ignore the idiot.

Twistyripple · 22/04/2024 19:53

What an arse. Ignore him, don't send updates. Let him ask for updates and show an interest.....I bet he won't keep it up.

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sashagabadon · 22/04/2024 19:54

Tell him he’s not made of sugar

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 22/04/2024 19:54

God if babies couldn't go out in the rain the ones up here in Scotland would barely leave the house 😂

Amx · 22/04/2024 19:55

Has he asked for daily updates? Sounds like he was getting sick of them and looking for an excuse to block you to me.

Kitkat1523 · 22/04/2024 19:57

He’s a twat…..don’t be giving him daily updates

Mumoftwo1312 · 22/04/2024 19:57

I wouldn't give anyone daily updates, even my dc's loving grandparents, let alone a useless man who deliberately walked out of my dc's life. Monthly update, maybe even fortnightly, is surely plenty

Topseyt123 · 22/04/2024 19:58

Stop sending him any information at all. Don't respond to any of his bullshit and maybe even block him yourself for the foreseeable future. Maybe he'll unblock you, maybe he won't. It doesn't matter.

Doctor or not, he can still be a twat. Plenty of babies are taken out well wrapped up and with the rain cover on the pram in such temperatures. Mine were, so I must also be an unfit mother (and proud of it).

beAsensible1 · 22/04/2024 20:00

He doesn’t need daily updates?

if he wants to see him agree on visitation and that’s it. Stop being pally and chatty with him, he went awol until now.

be guarded and protect yourself until his intentions/consistency is clear

shoppingshamed · 22/04/2024 20:03

Takes you to court for what! Leaving the house in the rain?

Stop sending him updates

Desperatelyneedabreak · 22/04/2024 20:03

Amx · 22/04/2024 19:55

Has he asked for daily updates? Sounds like he was getting sick of them and looking for an excuse to block you to me.

Agree with this. Why are you giving him daily updates and letting him know what you are doing every day? Bit weird..

patchworkpal · 22/04/2024 20:03

Amx · 22/04/2024 19:55

Has he asked for daily updates? Sounds like he was getting sick of them and looking for an excuse to block you to me.

That's a point

Desperatelyneedabreak · 22/04/2024 20:03

How did it even come about? "Took DS for a walk today" just seems unnecessary tbh

Original poster

Dsmama24 · 22/04/2024 20:06

Thanks all for your replies, to clarify he has been the one asking daily how ds is and how his day has been. I’d mentioned I took him to a playgroup hence why he started asking why I had taking him out in rainy weather.

OP posts:

ChunkzByAnotherName · 22/04/2024 20:06

If baby isn't allowed out in the rain then he needs to be doing all shopping for you and bringing it to your door. No, you can't go buy bread and milk from the corner shop because it's raining. He must buy and deliver it to you. He must also chauffeur you to friends houses, cafes etc. If you go to any mother and baby groups etc he must bring them all to your house at his own expense and in his own car. He must pay for a private doctor or nurse to come to you for check ups etc.

Topseyt123 · 22/04/2024 20:07

Actually, I highly doubt that he will take you to court. Isn't it more likely that you could pursue him for child maintenance if he is named on the birth certificate (if he isn't then maybe don't bother but that's up to you).

Simonjt · 22/04/2024 20:11

Does he think you gave birth to Gizmo?

Him blocking you has likely done you a favour in the longterm, if he does get back in touch I wouldn’t be facilitating daily updates.

Greywitch2 · 22/04/2024 20:16

Block him. Ignore. He knows fuck all about babies, and is just having a go at you, and frankly looking for an argument so he can block you and not have to be a father.

He's not going to take you to court, love. He doesn't want the baby. If he genuinely thought you were 'unfit' he would hardly cut all contact/block you and leave his child with an unfit parent, now would he?

It's all a load of excuse and bollocks. Make sure he has to now make a huge effort to get back in touch with you if he wants info about the baby and tell him it will now be through a third party as he was abusive.

He won't bother. He's playing mind games because he hasn't got the balls to say honestly, 'I don't want this baby. I'm not interested in being a father and I don't have any feelings towards it. That's why I was NC throughout the entire pregnancy. I just don't want everyone else to know what a twat I am, so I'm going to lie'.

Godesstobe · 22/04/2024 20:22

In the 1950s when I was born I used to be left outside in the garden in my Silver Cross pram for naps in all weathers, although I would apparently be moved onto a covered veranda if it was actually raining! My mother assures me that this was normal practice at the time and not some unique form of child abuse of her own devising. As they say, it never did me any harm.
I did not do this with my own DC, although I certainly took them out, appropriately wrapped up, when it was raining. Everyone does OP so please ignore this total drivel from your ex- partner. You are not a bad mother.

Original poster

Dsmama24 · 22/04/2024 20:29

Thanks all. As many of you said I think he’s looking for an excuse to get out of being involved and to make me look like the unreasonable one as an excuse.

He even admitted at the last visit that the OW had ‘forced’ him to pretend she was pregnant and tell me during my early pregnancy in the hopes I would have an abortion. Stupidly I have still tried remain cordial regarding updates for ds sake.

OP posts:

takemeawayagain · 22/04/2024 20:31

Maybe he's not aware that children don't dissolve? Maybe he only left the house when it was warm and sunny as a child? Or maybe he's a dickhead looking for any spurious reason to back out of being involved in his child's life because he's got a new girlfriend or something. Whatever the case he's a dickhead so just concentrate on your child from now on - but do claim cm from him.

CadyEastman · 22/04/2024 20:44

What exactly would he go to Court for? To stop you taking your DS out in the rain.

Stop sending updates. If he wanted to know he'd be asking to see DS.

And stop justifying your actions to an absent parent. Only answer texts that are about arranging to see DS.

Have you applied for CMS yet?

Cantgetausername87 · 22/04/2024 20:48

There's nothing to defend here! In the very unlikely event he tried to take it further there's not a court/ doctor/ health visitor in the world that would be concerned. If anything, it shows you're doing a great job. Getting a 2month old up and out of the house is a good thing, off to a playgroup - even better. Don't fret!
Ps what a bellend!

PickAChew · 22/04/2024 20:53

He's a twat. Do not directly engage with him any more.

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