To genuinely hate weekends with kids

[ithinkineehelp]

I need to rant as I can’t take it any more. I HATE weekends, to the point that it makes me question why I ever became a mother. I have two boys 5 yo and 3.5 yo. I WANT to enjoy them but they are too much!!! From the moment they wake up (7ish) to the time they go to bed (8ish) they just want want want. It’s constant!! They keep doing their own things, they scream ALL DAY they whine about everything and they whole vibe at home is so negative.
I shout so much and I become a person I hate, but I feel that I am so sick of this whole motherhood thing. I am so overwhelmed and overtouched and overtalked. I can’t do anything I like or eat anything I like. They won’t eat anything, they won’t watch tv not even for 5 minutes, if they play together they pull all the toys down and make a mess and then they fight over one toy. I have to constantly be on top of them. I have zero down time or any time to catch up on any housework or anything else that's not kids related. My husband is useless so everything is on me (story for another thread, please dont fixate on this!!!).
I also have to batch cook for the coming days (we both work full time), sort out all the weekend meals (my kids won’t eat take out or anything from a restaurant) but then they won’t eat anything anyway. I might need to pop to the shops but if I take one of the kids with me I end up yelling or too annoyed at them. We take them out to parks and stuff but they soon get hungry, won't eat anything and then they are miserable. I love them to bits and I want to enjoy them but I can’t!!! They are too much along with everything else I need to do!! I hate my life and I wish I could just leave or jump out a window sometimes... Everyone keep telling me that I am still in the trenches but honestly when will it get easier?? I just need them to eat the food I make them and watch TV without talking to me for an hour! Is it too much to ask??

Hate to say this but I think you or dh should go part time. I agree with you that they are screaming for attention
(For reference I have a newborn 2 and 4 year old and the oldest 2 will happily play with duplo for 45 (2 year old ) and 2 hours (4 year old) .
The should be able to play by themselves at this age. I think they need more time with you and unfortunately the harder you push against it because of overwhelm, the more demanding and overwhelming they become🙈

You have a husband problem...
Tell him so.
If he gives them treats tell him, he will have to do a time in off an hour alone while you do a chore or shopping alone.....
If he promises ice cream after park visit. He will be going one with them.
Start making him see he is the problem...
Lock all snacks in the boot for now, then refuse to buy more.
I once took my kids to a Tesco 10 miles away, let them fill the whole trolley with stuff.
Then I said because they refuse to be good we were leaving it all.

My children never played up in a shop ever again.

I know this sounds ridiculous....but have you a trampoline with a safety net. Bung them on that for a few hours 😁 most kids love a trampoline and you can sit in a chair and watch/relax.

At that age, it’s always hard. They do need to be taken out for a run every day, a bit like dogs. No matter the weather or the whining, an hour in the park letting off steam really will help. At home, I would stop shouting altogether, be quiet and calm, but very firm. Pick one thing to focus on at a time: mess, noise, eating, etc and just don’t let them get away with anything. You could definitely try a star chart, to add in positive feedback too.

I don’t think that’s enough sleep for them. I’d put in an earlier bedtime if they are up at 6.30. Also in a morning get them some exercise like a walk or run about the park. When mine were little we would go to the garage and get some sausage rolls or sandwiches and have a picnic and a walk so by 10 am everyone was a lot calmer.

I feel for you OP but having read the thread no one seems to be viewing the situation from the children's viewpoint. The probably do miss you if they are in full time childcare and they probably don't want to be scheduled into an activity that takes them away from you again.

I would cut yourself some slack on the food front both for them and you. Stop the batch cooking and settle for easy meals. Don't worry about the housework or get them to help. My DC used to love washing up with me - yes it was messy but they loved it.

Similarly if you want them to watch some tv, sit down and watch it with them. I get that you will probably be thinking about all the jobs you have to do but learn to let it go.

In my experience at this age they just want your time and attention. I'm not disputing that it can be very hard going but it sounds like you need to have some positive experiences with them too. Can you find any activities that make you all laugh together to give you a few moments of joy?

PS - also agree with pps re your DH stepping up or at least not undermining you with the sweets etc.

I have adult children who now have their own DC. I couldn't love them more. They are amazing people and we're very close. However I too hated the early years and dreaded weekends. Honestly they were the worst years of my life.

When my eldest announced she and her DH were expecting I was outwardly excited for them but inside I was thinking "so you're bored of having fun then?"

My only advice would be exercise, exercise, exercise. We used to take a picnic to the park and time the DC running between trees - "now run to that one, now that one". We made a big deal of the timings, personal best etc.

Most kids say they don’t want to attend an activity at some point. Eg mine loves football but has said a few times he doesn’t want to go but I know this is a on the day feeling rather than overall. I love the gym but sometimes I don’t want to go…same thing. I would suggest encouraging them to stick things out, if that means you staying whilst they do the activity sometimes then so be it, at least you could read a book, be on your phone etc

Reading through your posts its clear that these two children behave totally differently when they are in child care, they eat and play and are happy children

so that great news, as its not happening elsewhere then you know they can behave in a way you'd like them to behave with you

it most probably a case of working out how you create the same atmosphere at home so you have the same behaviour as they do in child care

your number one issue is your dh, by the sounds of it you don't parent together and stick to the same principals

your children are very clever, they know they can't behave like this at childcare but they know they can at home

Suggest something structured- rugby tots, swimming lessons etc. Take a box of food with you and that’s lunch etc. oh does sat morning and you do sat pm - then something on Sunday - you could both go/ share / meet with others ? I’m sure your shattered and stressed but doing things will help a lot and structural or meeting friends means more energy off

You say they want to play with you 24/7, but also that you work from 8am-6pm in the week. No wonder they want to play on a weekend, they must hardly see you Monday to Friday. The 3 year old must be shattered doing 5 full days at nursery, and that’s what I think the problem is, they’re exhausted, exactly like you are. You can’t be arsed to boil some pasta and they can’t be arsed to eat it. You are all completely wiped out and ratty by the weekend. I know it’s not always possible but I think you would all benefit from you reducing your hours at work, a few days off in the week or shorter days. There’s so much emphasis on the weekend because there is no fun in the week and it always sounds stressful.

You should have laid down boundaries years ago, clearly made a rd for your own back, both yourself and your partner. When my children were young if they didn't eat what was put in front of them, well, tough, nothing else until the next meal. They will go to the food before the food goes to them. If they are hungry thy will eat.

It must have been infuriating hearing that patronising remark from him, especially as you had made things easier for him in advance, but maybe he feels his parenting is being judged and this was a knee jerk self-defence response?

It appears as though he doesn't respect the amount of effort you put into their care, and thinks you are making a fuss about nothing, but maybe he is embarrassed about not having a clue what to do and thinks its best left up to you? I often heard comments like this from my husband when my daughter was very young (5 and under) which made me feel totally undermined, and made me wonder sometimes if I would have coped better without him judging/criticising my parenting style. We got through it eventually, and she's grown into a mature, wonderful 21 year old, however I still think he fusses over her too much (constantly offering lifts etc) but I joke with both him and her about how much he dotes on her - but I don't feel in competition with him, as I know she respects and loves me just as much, as I can help her with things that he can't and vice versa.

It does sound as if you need some practical hands-on help at this stage, maybe one evening you should arrange a babysitter (if poss) for both you and DH to go out for an evening to talk about all the practical ways he could help you (without getting irate/critical or overbearing with him) and talk about what's putting him off from taking a more active role - it could simply be he feels inadequate dealing with them and doesn't want to be embarrassed in public with them, hence seen as a 'failure' by other people, on the other hand he might claim to be too tired - well that's no excuse and he needs to consider how tired you are as a consequence of doing it all on your own.

He really is the only person, from what you said, that can make this situation more bearable for you (and enjoyable for your boys) and, as their Dad, stepping up to his role will really increase the bond he has with them - best time to work on it is now, while they are young, as it will become too awkward when they are older - if your relationship can last, given the lack of his input!

I've only read the OP's posts, but is tiredness a thing? At that age mine were in bed at 6.30, - school & nursery is tiring when they're so small. Also always made sure that they did a lot of outside stuff, proper running around.

Your DH needs to be a parent, it isn't optional right now.

What do they eat other than plain pasta? If you go out to the park / soft play just take plain pasta or whatever else they will eat that’s not full of sugar. They need to be out the house tiring themselves out. Plain food is fine if that’s what they will eat. Offer some fruit / veg when you are at home with meals. Your DH needs to stop giving them snacks unless they eat meals first (and not snacks with sugar).

Send them back to activities, if they say they miss you tell them you miss them too and will see them soon. They are old enough to understand this especially a 5 year old. It will give you an hours break. They could even do an activity on a Saturday and one on a Sunday.

Both take one DC out on your own for a few hours if this is much easier.

The things that help my DD focus and concentrate on playing independently is high fat (but low processed sugar) foods and plenty of exercise.

Her breakfast might be sliced fruit with some plain whipped cream on top, or a cheese omlette, or half a tuna mayo sandwich. Or a few tablespoons of peanut butter or hummus straight from the jar. Or porridge with ground almonds and a bit of butter in. Essentially, simple food but very calorie dense that keeps her full and has plenty of fat in. I think fat is the thing that is essential to help them concentrate and feel settled. Whereas sugary things just have the opposite effect. Experiment with foods like that and just see what they gravitate towards. Don't worry if they are not eating proper "meals" but just try and find high energy sources of calories that aren't sugary. Try eating outside, or on a tablecloth spread on the floor. See what they gravitate towards.

I also take her out for either a run around or a scooter around the village at least once a day. Even if they whine to begin with about not wanting to go etc just get everyone out of the door and they soon enjoy it. Let them take a favourite toy if that helps them get out the door, or a special water bottle, or let them find a stick (sticks always seemed to help!). Once we come back home she is generally happy to play quietly by herself.

It is really hard sometimes but sweets and shouting will only make the situation worse in the long run. Look after yourself and consider part time working. Schedule time for short breaks for yourself and you will feel less run-ragged.

OP it’s one of the hardest times this age . You will and are getting through it with your equally overwhelmed husband.

Give them the plain pasta and don’t stress - fed is best . My nephews only ate plain pasta and are both now over 6ft3 . My kids are fussy too - but both train , play sport and are getting pretty tall .

Fundamentally your kids want to be with you - that’s natural . At that age I had a pile of printer paper on the kitchen table and a pot of pencils . My kids would sit and draw while I cooked .. It worked too if they were shattered and cranky. I also had a kids kitchen squeezed into my kitchen and they would play cooking while I cooked .

At the risk of being shouted down at 5 mine had a tablet and Minecraft - another way to buy you some space to do what you need to . Brains haven’t been fried and both boys doing well at school.

There is no such thing as a perfect parent , we all make it up as we go along and make mistakes .

Great that you are taking them out in the morning - boys definitely need a good run like dogs. With the snacks may I suggest something like homemade flapjacks - BbC food have a good very easy recipe to which I add milled seeds . It would be sweet but considerably better than the sweets .

You are doing a better job than you realise OP .

Oh you do have my sympathy. I loathed my boys at that age!
You've had lots of good advice so I won't repeat it. I would just say, don't have sweet stuff in the house. It will be tough for a while but you will reap the benefits. Cookie for breakfast just sets you up to fail. If they are refusing a decent breakfast, they are old enough to understand that they will be hungry later. Shrug and change the subject. If the sweet stuff isn't in the house then your DH can't undermine you with it. Your dentist will thank you later!

I had two with that age gap and my husband was mentally unwell and easily overwhelmed. He had them quite a bit in the week, but I took over at weekends. I didn't have the eating problems, but in terms of occupying them what helped me was that we had to be out the door early both days - on Saturday for swimming lessons and on Sunday for church. It was stressful getting them ready but the flip side of it was that when they came home a couple of hours or more later, they were tired and ready to eat, and they were happy to have a quieter afternoon. They played in the garden a lot - do you have one? We had a swing, slide and seesaw which got a lot of use, and later a trampoline. The swing and slide were next to each other and also doubled up as a sort of climbing frame!

The two activities we had also gave me a break - a short one while they were swimming and then a slightly longer one when they were in Sunday school at church and playing with friends after. Is there anything you can go out to, to provide some structure to the day and take the pressure off you?

I think this post nails it x

This was my thinking.

Overwhelmed dh
Dc behave at school but can’t at home.

When my ADHD dd was 3( we didn’t know she had it then) l went to my gp on the verge of a breakdown. She was so demanding l felt like l was losing my mind.

The health visitor managed to secure a nursery nurse to come 3 hours a week. ( this was under a different Christ it was a life saver.

Parenting is tough, no doubt about it. The most obvious thing with parenting is no, our needs don’t come first- it just doesn’t happen and doesn’t for a long time. I think you’ll find it easier once you accept this. You said you have a full time job so your longest time with them is at weekends? All week you are having time away from them but feel overwhelmed by them?
I guess if your husband is useless you feel like a single parent but single parents manage sometimes with more than two children.

Sorry to come across negative but the things you have mentioned OP are all part of being a parent.

I feel for you, being a mother is hard. On days where I feel like this ( I have 3 they're 4y,2y and 7m) I take a minute away, deep breaths, I list what I need to do in my brain in levels of importance and I get my kids to help me with it. Dishwasher? They both load it, one grabs me the tablet the other presses start. Washing? One hands the other clothes, the other puts it in, one does the fabric conditioner and the other does the fabric soap.
As for screaming and getting rowdy, I put songs on that will catch their attention so they can get their zoomies out; shake your sillies out, floor is lava, Zumba kids - if they want me to join, I do. Sometimes I don't want to, but it sometimes helps to regain their focus.
Food? I offer multiple different items on a sectional plate but I don't over complicate it. So I do a fruit/veg, a protein, a dairy item, a main item like sandwich/pasta and a treat like a KitKat, that way they have choice over what they eat. I also tell them they have to eat half at least if they want snacks after.
I hope this helps, take a day at a time being a mummy is hard, good luck xx

I can totally sympathise. Mine are older but exactly as you describe. My eldest will not eat any pizza or pasta with sauce or cheese on either, it’s all plain stuff. You’ve got good tips here some of them I will be following too. Goodluck

Erhhh I feel you! The struggle is real honestly kids are exhausting and I know lots of people can relate to your thread. (1) your husband needs to step up a bit. It's not all on you, he is a parent too. My husband was very limited in his help for a long time until we had a long conversation about expectation and he's been much better since. (2) Can you hire some help? Someone to spend a morning or afternoon with the kids on the weekend to entertain them? or to entertain one so you can spend some time with the other independently?