How much do you talk to parents at the school gate?

[posieflump]

Or do you just drop off and leg it?!!

I really want to talk to the other mums in the playground, but I do the drop and run thing because I feel so awkward. I'm baffled at how other mums develop friendships [inadequate].

I have friends among the mums at both DSs classes so I usually stop and chat. Sometimes were there still chatting when the caretaker wants to lock up [blush
If I'm feeling antisocial I'll deliberately arrive late so I don't have to chat.
The mums at our school are very social and we frequently have nights out together or meet for coffee.

If I'm early (rather than - just in time!) in the morning's I'll chat whilst waiting for them to go in. Then I dash off because I have work.

In the afternoon - again - if I'm early then I'll chat to one or two that I am familiar with, and if there are some walking in the same direction at the same time, I'll chat.

I dont make a pointed effort to, but I certainly don't run away! I've got to be going there for at least the next 7 years, 5 days a week, 36-38 weeks of the year!!!!

i drop and run with the exception of 3 people! one is mum of a family i used to childmind and the other 2 are childminders.
i used to stnd and chat for england at ds infant school! but we moved now and his junior school parents all seem v. clique, possibly cos they've known each other from several years of school drops/pick ups. I'm quite shy in rl as well so doesnt help being the newbie!

Reading these threads makes me realise that I am not the only one who has problems with small talk.

I am useless at it.
Everybody else seems so at ease with other moms I feel really hopeless.

I also try the getting there at the last minute trick to avoid having to make conversation, when in reality I know its the wrong thing to do as its not going to do me any favours.

If I don,t see the usual couple or so moms I speak to on the playground I stand on my own feeling quite awkward.

I especially find it awkward when there is a group to edge in. I am always on the outside of a conversation never feeling much part of it.

Hey, I'm really shy in rl and I'm no good at small talk.
But I've made a real effort to get to know the other mums, forcing myself to strike up conversations, becoming a class rep so I have to speak to people, inviting mum and child for a playdate (nursery class only). It's really worth it and it only takes a few months to get to the point where you know everyone. We also organise lots of boozy nights out which really helps to break the ice.

Too busy with dc to chat.

We just wave at each other when dropping off and probably chat a bit if the children take longer to go out. However... I have breakfast with most of the other mums of DS's class once a week

And whether we like it or not... it is the highlight of the week!

I tend to drop off and go, but at pick up I have to wait a bit and do chat a little. The nursery and primary school exits are at opposite sides of the school though, so once the door opens and lets dd out I have to go round the other side for ds, by which time all the mums I got to know from last year have already left, so I'm starting to be left out of the y1 group now, not that I ever was a real part of it, but still. Hopefully should get better again next year when dd is in reception.
Funnily enough I was much better at getting to know the other mums and organising play dates when I was an au pair (a good 10y ago) and doing it for another family.

In response to the people who have problems making small talk I appreciate your dilemma. I come at this problem from the other angle in that I do get shy and nervous but over-compensate by being extra jolly and chatty. I am in fact the embodiment of an overweight and over friendly baker's wife. I just can't bear the silence and feel like if I don't break it, noone will. I then get hugely paranoid that everyone can't stand me, although feel I have contributed by giving them someone to slag off, thus encouraging conversation! My DS is starting a new nursery tomorrow and I still haven't decided how to play it.

I talk to quite a few of them. I have made some really good friends since ds started nursery. He's only in reception now.

I made a real effort in the beginning and organised nights out. We've been out loads. To pubs, meals and on big nights out!! Very drunk nights too but thats another thread.
Its usually the same few who come and its great.
I'm even going into business with one.

Its worth the effort in the beginning.

I know friends who have real bad feeling between the mums and the atmosphere is awful.

I talk to a few virtually every time, others I seek out for a quick 'hello how are you', and the rest I will smile and say 'hello' to, even if I don't actually know them.

I have made some great friends at the schoolgate since ds started school nearly 5 years ago.

I'm a SAHM but being shy hardly speak to any other parents at the door. Unless one of them speaks to me I just keep quiet. There is an air of feeling excluded but I think that is purely because the majority of mums already know each other and I am yet to be vibrant or interesting enough to get to know. My solution is to get involved with the committee and that way I get to know other mums' names at the very least.

drop and run, the conversations are always so dreary, the mothers wearing tracky bums with no makeup and no aspiration. drives me insane. more interesting talikng to 3.5 year old in car on way there. i'm not posh but do work full time and have to be suited and dressed respectably for my job, at my son's nursery if you've not totally let yourself go your stared out of the car park anyway by a bunch of women that use childbirth as an excuse to permanantly wear fleece!!

I enjoy the 'dreary' chit chat at the school gates.

Since my dd started school I have struck up casual friendships and some more meaningful ones at school.
Have nothing in common with most of them, and we have completely different lifestyles and outlooks, but I can usually find something to chat about.

I have learnt, since making friends with those who I wouldnt have pre dd, not to judge people at face value.
Friendships dont have to be confined to people who are exactly alike.

As for tracky bums and no make up, it certainly would not prevent me chatting to someone.

Crikey that's an assumption and a half Callan. I certainly do not wear tracky bottoms or fleece. Neither do a lot of the other SAHMs at our nursery. Grant you that a couple do. Just because you wear a suit/dress respectably for your journey to work you could be putting on a shop overall when you get there

I make an effort in the mornings. Not office type wear but do my hair and a bit of make up and I think I look ok. I think its very judgy of you to say things about the mums just cos they are wearing fleeces.
Maybe they work form home? Or maybe they are perfectly happy not working. Maybe they stare at you as they can tell you're the type of person to make unkind judgements about their lives.

at the snobbery on here..

I am a working mum but currently on maternity leave and dd started full time nursery last sept.I chat to anyone and if I see someone on own I will attempt to strike up a conversation.Sometimes you get somewhere sometimes you dont.I have friends from all backgrounds so never see any barriers.I dont see me as being any different from any other woman.We all have one thing in common and thats being a mum.

I have hooked up with one in particular and have done some social things with the kids as her dd is friendly with mine and they enjoy being together.

I dont wear tracksuits or fleece either, callan, but its nice to know that if I did there would always be someone far superior to sneer at me

People thinking like you callan, dont help all the mums who have posted on here saying how they find it hard to talk to other mums.

no, you're right, i wouldn't "not speak" beacuse of a pre consception that could inevitably be mis placed, and of course i love my tracky bums like the next person (just not in public, everyday). however, i suppose i do feel distanced from the other mums, they seem to have the time to stand and chat and i don't. they do talk about the weather and i couldn't care less. but the ones whose small children are friends with my son and vice versa i make the effort and they are perfectly nice. i just have to talk to people i don't always want to for 10 hours a day. i do concur that motherhood can give you an "affinity" with some people you may not have previously considered. not always though.

Also my dds school is a faith school so I would hope that we should practise as we preach.My sisters dds go to another local school which is very snobby and when I pick her girls up it feels so different to our school.