Honest question: why do people let their children cry next to shared walls?

[Sbishka]

I'm sitting here trying to work. Our neighbours have a small kid who cries a lot. Multiple times a day. He's a kid, he's going through a phase, I get it, I've had them. His room is right next to my office.

Of course I understand if you live in a terrace and every room shares a wall with neighbours. But, that's not the case here. We are in a semi. I know the layout of their house because it's the mirror opposite of mine.

I am just asking, what do you think is going through their heads? Because they know we can hear him. What's stopping them from being aware and maybe shifting bedrooms around so he can cry next to an outside wall? He isn't being neglected but he is left to cry it out, daily.

Has anyone ever had a neighbour approach them about this, and do you have any advice for a nice way to do it? I remember those days as being god-awful sometimes and I don't want to upset them, but you can't sugar-coat it: this is a selfish way to do things when sharing space in close proximity.

Nah, if you don't want to hear your neighbours you need to move to a detached house. Otherwise put up with it. Dear god if my neighbours every complained about hearing my baby cry.... There is no nice way of doing it.

What's stopping you moving your office if it's so easy to completely rearrange a house?

I don't understand why any parent ever leaves their baby/child crying.

I imagine they've arranged their house so it suits their needs and probably didn't factor in their child going through a stroppy phase and how this would impact the neighbours.

Why don't you move your office over to the other side of the house, onto the detached side?

Move your office!!! Bet that's a NO

No one is going to rearrange their house just because of a phase. Just as I’m sure you also aren’t going to move your office.

Their setup suits them, that’s why their house is the way it is. As with most people.

Have you considered working elsewhere in the house?

Babies are loud and in adjoined properties you are probably going to hear them wherever they are, unless it’s a massive house.

I would consider insulating the wall if you are disturbed by the noise of neighbours.

And if it wasn’t a baby - it could be something else. A washing machine. A long building project etc.

You can’t approach them and tell them to rearrange your house! As others have said, rearrange your own house if the noise is causing you an issue.

How would you go about stopping a child from crying? I'm sure you have lots of experience.

Go to them. Cuddle them Talk to them.

Be a decent parent.

Rather than trying to control your neighbours, maybe you should work in one of the rooms that doesn’t have a shared wall in your house?

There is no point in trying to speculate on why the child is crying or where they are crying. If you don’t like it, the best thing to do is to change what you’re doing.

My neighbour is learning the saxophone. She often practises in the room next to the one I work in. If it bothers me, I can move elsewhere.

Outside walls are colder, bed against an inside wall (if the room allows) is preferable. Cry it out is neglect.

Haha, alternative view - why do people make their work office the shared wall of a child’s bedroom who is at the crying stage? Why wouldn’t they move their office? Oh, is it inconvenient?

child crying is normal household noise and you working at home rather than in an office isn’t your neighbour’s responsibility. (I say that as someone who works from home twice a week).

If he us next to your office he will not be disturbing your sleep. You can't expect quiet all day. You could move your office. If you choose to work from home you need to put up with daytime household noise as you are choosing to do work from a residential setting.

Clearly never had a newborn with colic

Have you ever had a baby with colic?? Absolutely nothing stopped DD2 from crying. Nothing.

children cry. Sometimes for long periods. That is living in a community. If you don't like it you need to move away from other people

Babies are loud and in adjoined properties you are probably going to hear them wherever they are, unless it’s a massive house.

Our first rental with baby near 1 trying to get her out our bed and into a cot - she was in the room next to air - end of terrace block.

Both sides could still hear her - though they were nice about it - both DGP themselves - and were checking we were okay more than complaining.

@Thegrassneedsmowing i did this, never did cry is out. My dc still cried! It’s not bad parenting. For us it was colic and she cried in our arms for hours on end. She’s now 16 and lovely. Her first 4 months of life were horrific. Her younger twin sisters cried very little but boy could they throw a tantrum at age 2-3. If both crying sometimes one had to wait. Again, not bad parenting.

Have you invented a magic wand?

What's going through their head 'I wish he would stay crying' 'I've tried x y z and it isn't working' 'this is very stressful' 'I'm not the parent I thought I was' 'I can't do this anymore' 'I'm so lonely' 'I don't understand why he is crying again' 'bey my neighbours hate me' 'I can't take him out because everyone judges me because he cries a lot' 'this is harder than I ever expected' 'I really am trying' 'I'm not good enough for my child' 'everyone thinks I'm not doing a good job'

There you go. Have filled the last five mins for you. Cut them some slack and get some earphones.

how do you know any of that would work for this particular child?

Just because the child is having a strop somewhere, does not mean the parents are not ‘decent parents’. They probably know what works best for their child much better than some judgmental person deciding they should cuddle their child.

Exactly.

I'd tell you to piss off and mind your own however 'politely' you try and phrase it, because there's not a way to do so.

It's their house to use and live in as they see fit.

It's tough shit really.

Invest in earplugs or move your room rather than expecting them to adjust their lifestyle to suit yours.

It takes magic to pick them up? They may still cry, yes, but they aren't being left to cry. If they are crying in pain at least they feel otherwise safe and secure. If a parent isn't coping then it may be safest to put the child down and walk away, but only if necessary.

Goodness! Don't you dare approach them. Move your own life so you can't hear it if it is that bothersome.

100% this ! Or with reflux either. Cuddling did nothing and we wore a path in our house walking round holding ds trying to sooth him. Sometimes nothing you do can make a small baby stop crying