Honest question: why do people let their children cry next to shared walls?

[Sbishka]

I'm sitting here trying to work. Our neighbours have a small kid who cries a lot. Multiple times a day. He's a kid, he's going through a phase, I get it, I've had them. His room is right next to my office.

Of course I understand if you live in a terrace and every room shares a wall with neighbours. But, that's not the case here. We are in a semi. I know the layout of their house because it's the mirror opposite of mine.

I am just asking, what do you think is going through their heads? Because they know we can hear him. What's stopping them from being aware and maybe shifting bedrooms around so he can cry next to an outside wall? He isn't being neglected but he is left to cry it out, daily.

Has anyone ever had a neighbour approach them about this, and do you have any advice for a nice way to do it? I remember those days as being god-awful sometimes and I don't want to upset them, but you can't sugar-coat it: this is a selfish way to do things when sharing space in close proximity.

@Sbishka

of cost there was a change of tack, it's there for everyone to read.

the more baffling question is why not just work from one of your many other rooms?

Do you have kids??? They cry for any reason an as they get older it's mostly because they want something they can't have!!

Do you have kids??? They cry for any reason an as they get older it's mostly because they want something they can't have!!

That's not true.

She’d still be advised to pick any of the other three bedrooms in her house to sleep in.

I don't leave my children to cry, I cuddle them and I talk to them. Sometimes they still howl though.

At one point we tripped over ourselves with consideration for neighbours when the kids were babies - we couldn't have a room that didn't share a wall with neighbours just because of the layout of the house (semi with the stairs for both houses totally illogically on the outside walls and not the stairs as the point of contact). Cot on the far side of the room, baby removed ASAP etc - however all that happened was they continued with loud living noise and didn't give a shit about us - so these days I care a lot less.

Thankfully since we moved we have minimal rooms that join as the stairs come up the middle of the semis here - but DD1's bedroom is the one that shares a wall (and ours but we don't tend to make noise when we're asleep) - and while we don't do intentionally twatty things like put the telly she plays video games on onto the party wall... I refuse to worry as much as I did in the past these days.

And I WFH a lot - there's a school out the back so I have the playtime squealing and school sports days with tannoys and stuff... it's just par for the course and my issue to deal with - not the school's. I shut windows when I need to hear calls, or I'll move into a quieter room when required.

Or just really standard basic daily stuff - If i'm home alone with my Toddler and my 3 month old and I need to put them both to bed, on my own, inevitably there is some crying. I try to minimise it but I can not split myself in half so one of them is likely upset (then possibly waking the other one up so then they are also upset). Or just getting into the car! They both get upset if they are in their car seats but not moving so the one that gets put in first screams... every. single. day. This idea what you can always stop children from crying if you 'try hard enough' is total nonsense and that is coming from someone who tries really fucking hard to avoid it.

Exactly. They run their home to suit themselves obviously. You do the same.

If the child is 3 or 4 then either they need space to calm down after a big upset, or it is a tantrum and "comforting" is giving in to the tantrum and will only make them happen more often.

Ridiculous post. Obviously move where you work, or get headphones. Your choice to live in an attached house. Kids cry, it’s normal

They probably don’t but sometimes you can’t get them to stop