Police Welfare check normal?

[DottyDitsyMum]

Hi,
Apologies and warning this is long!
I wonder if anyone can help with experience/ knowledge about police welfare checks on children.
Last night, at just after 8pm, we had police turn up at our door and demand to see the children. I was in the bath at the time and my husband answered the door. He wasn't allowed to explain to the children what was happening and the pair of them (one male, one female) just went straight up to the kids bedrooms to check on them.
Once they had spoken to each child, they came down to speak to us (I got out of bath - husband had actually been asked if I was definitely in there!).
We were told it was just a routine welfare check, requested by social services, because someone had reported concerns.
They checked our kitchen for food and interrogated us a bit about why we home educate (we have done for past 16 years, are known to LA and never had any issues at all, with older children having grown up, left home and working now). They had read our files from a few years ago, when SS were involved for a whole different story, that was resolved. I was told that it was likely SS will follow up on visit, but that they were "happy enough for now".
Kids were understandably upset and confused.
When I asked if it had been a serious concern raised, due to the urgency of the visit, they said no - "this was normal procedure."
Initially we thought this was our neighbour, who is a major busy-body, and reports anyone for everything possible. She complained to council about some bits of wood and rubbish in front garden, that was waiting to go to the dump, but had to wait a couple of days because husband had injured back. Our poor next door neighbour has constant issues with her reporting things.
However, we'd just had a sainsbury delivery only 40 minutes before police arrived. The driver had been nosing around at the door - our hall and stairs look a state at the moment, due to being mid renovation. We can't remember exactly if he was doing it at the time, but often my 15 year old is very loud when gaming online and shouts things like "No!" "Get away from me!" "Don't kill me!" And just screaming!
My husband anxiety is through the roof, and kids are really upset by it all, due to previous issues with SS. Both would be eased by having a better understanding of what happened, and whether this is neighbours latest vendetta!
Is it really likely that this was routine request from SS? Or do you think that delivery driver called police with concerns?
On one hand, I understand totally the need to check on kids. But the negative attitude towards us home edding and the way they spoke to my husband (who's autistic and was just really struggling to comprehend what was happening at the time) was disturbing. Whole household feeling very confused, violated and vulnerable today 😔

Maybe tell your son to stop screaming about being killed when random people are at the door 🤔

I probably would have reported that too!

Yes, to be honest if I heard that I would have called the police.

The police were concerned for the children’s welfare due to information received and came to check.

if/when SS contact you, engage honestly.

They weren’t being negative with you so much as being focused on the children.

if you’re son is just screaming due to the game they will have ascertained that through either talking with him or SS will.

None of us here will know why it’s happened or if it was your neighbour. If there’s nothing going on then you will be fine. Ultimately everyone wants what best for the children in the house.

The kids were fine, ss were happy, that's what matters. If they keep getting calls to complain about your parenting they will have logged their previous visits and know that someone probably has some sort of vendetta over you. I know it's not nice but it's good that they check on calls of worry, especially after some of the stories on the news the past few years. Your DH and you do not need to be anxious, everything was fine xx

This is not routine police business.

It was the delivery driver and your sons screaming

If you turned up at a stranger's house, saw a hall that was in a "state" and heard a child creaming about being hit/killed (I have gamers - I know what it's like!) wouldn't you be concerned enough to report it?

Your son was screaming and shouting about being killed. I would have called SS/Police too.

You need to talk to your son about the seriousness of that kind of nonsense behaviour.

Why are you allowing your son to behave like that? It's obviously an ongoing thing.

If he shouts turn the game off for 30 mins. Rinse and repeat... You know. Be a parent.

Yeah, if your child is heard yelling along those lines, it's quite right and appropriate for whoever hears it to report it. So really, echoing what others have said, better that he learn not to yell while gaming.

I’d also use it as a point to discuss any behaviours that could easily be misinterpreted. Obviously, we don’t know about your ds, but I think it’s important to discuss why that kind of shouting is not a good idea - not just in terms of police/SS, but also stressful home environment for younger children. It’s not specifically his fault (and he shouldn’t ever feel it is), but he needs to be aware how it can be understood by others. Equally, bring up anything like this you can think of with the other children too.

I imagine it left you all very shaken. I wouldn’t be too concerned and I don’t think SS would be particularly worried, but I would try to tackle any behaviours that risk it happening again. They’re unlikely to be specifically worried about good home education, but they have to ask about it as it can be an excuse for isolating children in abuse situations. I hope you can all recoup and feel better soon.

Yes use as chance to turn gaming off when people eg delivery come to house

"Hey son we got a delivery no gaming next hour go read a book"

"my 15 year old is very loud when gaming online and shouts things like "No!" "Get away from me!" "Don't kill me!" And just screaming!"

Good thing delivery driver is acting
In another house could be serious issue and an actual child being harmed

I’ve heard my son talk to his friends online like that when gaming. It doesn’t actually sound like he’s being abused or hurt, just like he’s excitedly playing a video game. I’m surprised the delivery man phoned the police.

Can the neighbour hear the screaming and shouting?

Your son might sound very different to the OP’s son.

I’d say good on that delivery driver.

can't remember exactly if he was doing it at the time, but often my 15 year old is very loud when gaming online and shouts things like "No!" "Get away from me!" "Don't kill me!" And just screaming!

Christ on a bike, I'd hate to live next door to you. Get your son to stop screaming. No wonder neighbours report you.

Nobody can tell you for sure but I would guess it was the sainsburys delivery driver who has contacted the police. I can understand why based on what youve described, we all have a duty to protect children.

Erm yeah.... shut your kid up

What a waste of resources

Same

I think if I'd been a delivery driver and heard a child screaming about being hit/killed, I'd have called the police too. Sorry OP..but we read so many horror stories, it's not worth taking the risk and ignoring something like that.

If it was this driver (you can't know for sure) then you should talk to your son and say he's got to stop shouting/screaming as it could scare people into thinking you're really hurting him. If it continues, you'll have to apply consequences - the WIFI gets switched off for 30 minutes or something.

Obviously this is very upsetting but hopefully you can now resolve things with SS.

I have a 15 year old-she really doesn’t scream very often! If yours does, it could have been anyone within the vicinity who called the police, surely?!

I doubt it was the delivery man (40 minutes earlier) if police had time to read the files.

I've told my son off in the past for speaking like this, I've warned him about screaming because neighbours can take it the wrong way. No it's not "routine" to have random police welfare checks, someone reported you, probably the driver.

Op if you were dropping something off at a strangers house and saw a hall that's a state and heard a child screaming at someone to get away from them and begging not to be killed, would you call the police?

The police checked, it was fine, SS will either send a letter out or possibly pop by to check you don't need support and that will be that.

I used to work with young people in a residential setting and it's really not always obvious what you're hearing. I once went running upstairs thinking they were killing one another only to find them singing into their hairbrushes... and another time thought they were laughing, but it turned out they were literally ripping chunks of each other's hair out.

On balance, if you heard a child screaming 'don't kill me' in a context where you didn't know for certain that the child was gaming and couldn't check, the safer course of action is to report it. Imagine thinking 'nah, they must just be gaming, none of my business' and then later discovering that you could have prevented something terrible.

I understand why the police wouldn't let dh tell dc what was happening - so he couldn't threaten/cajole dc to be quiet/pretend nothing had happened/cover up abuse (NOT saying you or DH are abusing your kids).

I'd be surprised if they came that quickly for delivery man to have called them and them to have read through past files.

I'd rather have a copper turn up at my door and it be nothing (investigating every potential report) than them not attending something where a child was being hurt.