Police Welfare check normal?

[DottyDitsyMum]

Hi,
Apologies and warning this is long!
I wonder if anyone can help with experience/ knowledge about police welfare checks on children.
Last night, at just after 8pm, we had police turn up at our door and demand to see the children. I was in the bath at the time and my husband answered the door. He wasn't allowed to explain to the children what was happening and the pair of them (one male, one female) just went straight up to the kids bedrooms to check on them.
Once they had spoken to each child, they came down to speak to us (I got out of bath - husband had actually been asked if I was definitely in there!).
We were told it was just a routine welfare check, requested by social services, because someone had reported concerns.
They checked our kitchen for food and interrogated us a bit about why we home educate (we have done for past 16 years, are known to LA and never had any issues at all, with older children having grown up, left home and working now). They had read our files from a few years ago, when SS were involved for a whole different story, that was resolved. I was told that it was likely SS will follow up on visit, but that they were "happy enough for now".
Kids were understandably upset and confused.
When I asked if it had been a serious concern raised, due to the urgency of the visit, they said no - "this was normal procedure."
Initially we thought this was our neighbour, who is a major busy-body, and reports anyone for everything possible. She complained to council about some bits of wood and rubbish in front garden, that was waiting to go to the dump, but had to wait a couple of days because husband had injured back. Our poor next door neighbour has constant issues with her reporting things.
However, we'd just had a sainsbury delivery only 40 minutes before police arrived. The driver had been nosing around at the door - our hall and stairs look a state at the moment, due to being mid renovation. We can't remember exactly if he was doing it at the time, but often my 15 year old is very loud when gaming online and shouts things like "No!" "Get away from me!" "Don't kill me!" And just screaming!
My husband anxiety is through the roof, and kids are really upset by it all, due to previous issues with SS. Both would be eased by having a better understanding of what happened, and whether this is neighbours latest vendetta!
Is it really likely that this was routine request from SS? Or do you think that delivery driver called police with concerns?
On one hand, I understand totally the need to check on kids. But the negative attitude towards us home edding and the way they spoke to my husband (who's autistic and was just really struggling to comprehend what was happening at the time) was disturbing. Whole household feeling very confused, violated and vulnerable today 😔

I should probably clarify- my son is told regularly to stop screaming, quieten down, etc or he'll have to come off. It isn't tolerated or accepted. He just gets over excited and, to us, that's obvious that he is gaming.

Likewise, I am totally understanding if delivery driver was concerned - I would be too and am happy to know they respond so quick. Had I witnessed something worrying, I would want to know police attend.

He worried himself that his shouting could get misunderstood and apologised to us. He just gets very into his game. We have regular discussions about what is appropriate and what can be misinterpreted by others, etc.

No - the neighbours can't hear him. He is in a corner of the house, away from neighbours. But would be audible from front porch, with door open. If we thought he was disturbing anyone, other than us, we would be even firmer with him. His shouting and screaming is not full volume, just excited game playing. Our other neighbours are far worse than anything we do. He is told to stop and given consequences. We were just busy with other things at the time and couldn't remember if he'd been gaming/ noisy at the time ...

Ultimately, if this was the reason they came out - that is very reassuring for us. That would be a genuine and understandable reason. It is the concern that someone may be stirring up trouble intentionally for us that causes worry - because that is what happened previously and we have only just recovered as a family from that trauma.

That sounds like a really stressful experience for all of you.

From what you've described, it could well be that the delivery driver had concerns that a child was at risk of harm. His experience of the situation may have been that he saw a house where the hall (all he could see of the house, probably) was in "a state" and heard screaming coming from an unseen child about wanting another person to not hurt them.

You know that it's renovation work and an over-excited teenager who for some reason screams a lot when gaming. The delivery driver wouldn't know that. Therefore he would have to make a judgement call on whether he'd be able to live with himself if he didn't ask someone to check everything was ok.

In another situation, if it was him who made the call, his actions could have saved a child's life.

Now, I actually enjoy a bit of gaming myself and know people of all ages who game. It is absolutely possible to play with friends and solo without screaming and yelling. I can coordinate a midnight multiplayer raid in one room without waking the DC asleep in the next room. Screaming, especially screaming about violence, is unnecessary and can have real-world consequences. I think you need to tell your son that this has to stop, and have a plan in place to enforce it.

Without seeing your hall, it's difficult to comment on how bad it may or may not have been, but you might want to start a habit of a quick clean-up in the area in advance of scheduled deliveries and similar. If I know someone is coming in, like a delivery driver or an engineer or plumber, I always have a quick check that the hall is vaguely presentable and the toilet is clean (just in case!).

You mentioned SS were involved in the past too - depending on the reason/nature of this, that could have influenced how seriously any reports were taken.

And yes, I totally understand why my husband couldn't speak to the children first. It was just all very urgent and abrupt, which is what was making me wonder if it was delivery driver and serious concerns about harm .... rather than someone trying to cause trouble for sake of it.

This is exactly what we are HOPING is the case. Because that is understandable and something we can address with son. We had to have similar conversation with younger son in past about what he was shouting at his siblings.

Police attending for concerns that someone was in immediate danger is totally what you'd want to happen and we have no issue with police or delivery driver for that.

It is the thought of another long investigation, based on malice, that is causing stress. Especially as this neighbour has done this to another resident in the street.

My husband nearly took his own life due to previous experiences and the children are still traumatised by the investigation from years ago. Whilst our reports say things were satisfied, they won't remove things completely - understandably - in case of further concerns raised.

Usually I do have quick check around, but had been too busy this particular night.

The hall and stairs have no carpet and tatty looking floorboards, there are a few pieces of wood at bottom of stairs, waiting to be used. There are kids shoes loose, but tidy. A fair bit of dust. Biggest issue is that one hand rail is clearly loose (I have them in both sides, not just one), where adaptive services have poorly installed them for me recently - I'm awaiting them to come and repair them. I have mobility issues and have had OT assessment for various adaptions that are partly completed at present.

It was just all very urgent and abrupt, which is what was making me wonder if it was delivery driver and serious concerns about harm .... rather than someone trying to cause trouble for sake of it.

We had police on doorstep few years ago insisting on coming in and doing a welfare check for someone we'd never heard of but wouldn't take our word for it - came in searched house while keeping DH and I in kitchen trying to prove we didn't know the person. Our then young kids were in back room without a by your leave went in and started questioning them I realised and went in corridor - lots of leading questions - stopped when saw me and after getting lots of bemused answers.

They radio back for more information- turned out it was distant relatives describing a 30 year man as vulnerable but no information as to why and deciding based on Facebook it must be us he was visiting someone in Wales - not even our city - DH grew up in roughly same area was only link. Only gave up as severe weather conditions were worsening.

So I wouldn't assume a malicious serious report - just them checking situation as quickly as possible.

Well done to that delivery driver. 👏👏👏

It’s probably due to the shouting and whoever (neighbour or delivery driver) reported it, they were likely trying to do the right thing.

Years ago I lived in a shared flat above a family whose teenage son gamed until the small hours, he screamed the most awful things and sounded like an adult man. We ended up calling the police at 1am one particularly bad night because we were worried someone was being abused and too scared to knock on. We’d seen the son and he was a weedy pale wee lad so we didn’t think for a minute it was him!

The police have to check promptly - can you imagine if they didn’t and a child or partner was battered to death. It’s better safe than sorry when it comes to safeguarding.

The police wouldn’t visit for social services unless it was urgent and significant concerns had been raised. I presume they were responding to your child shouting about being killed and were satisfied there was a reasonable explanation.

You have already traumatised children who are also playing games where they are actually screaming out don’t kill me etc. Seems appropriate 🤨

Anyway, well done whoever reported and the Police for a quick response.

For the police to turn up it was because there was a report of a child currently being harmed/at serious risk of harm.
They wouldn’t investigate a neighbour moaning about your parenting.

What did your kids say they'd asked them?

The delivery driver absolutely did the right thing if they did contact police!

I really feel for you OP - you probably have ptsd from previous involvement. We had false allegations of FII (munchausens by proxy) in 2016 (we also home educate) and it was harrowing and the investigation was awful. This sort of thing will bring it all up to the surface so be kind to yourself

Look at your parenting OP before seeking to ‘blame’ others for the Police visit.

Home education is seen as a red flag in safeguarding - I'm not sure there is good evidence as to why, but it's taught as one.

Add to that your previous involvement with social services.

Add to that possible complaints to SS from your neighbour.

Add to that a child screaming they are being killed audible from your house.

I think a police welfare check would be expected - but now they can go back and report that they have spoken to your children and they are unharmed, the house has food available - not sure what they might have reported due to the renovations 'mess' - this will be passed to SS for their information.

I'm sorry that happened, after your previous situation, this must have been very scary. Frankly it would be scary even if it hadn't been for the previous situation.

yours sounds like a pretty normal family home. Busy, mid work being done, noisy gaming teenager!

I hope you get it resolved quickly & can move on.

im sorry you have limited mobility, but pleased you're getting adaptations (shame they're moving slowly!!)

try to put it to one dude over the weekend!!

We can't remember exactly if he was doing it at the time, but often my 15 year old is very loud when gaming online and shouts things like "No!" "Get away from me!" "Don't kill me!" And just screaming!

has gone to

His shouting and screaming is not full volume, just excited game playing.

So you're backtracking and/or minimising here.

I think without the background of previous SS involvement it's hard for people here to advise you. Threads like this also makes me a bit uncomfortable as some MNers give advice on how to "close things down" and tick box answers as to how to deal with social services.

I would suspect the delivery driver too. He did the right thing imo because you never know and don’t want that on your conscious if something was wrong.

I would have said something to the delivery driver about your son being melodramatic and he’d hopefully understand where you’re coming from. My son has sometimes got shouty playing games but there’s laughter in between the “cover me !!!” comments so it wouldn’t take long to know that he wasn’t being tortured.

How long does your son play? Someone who is unaware of gaming headsets etc (your neighbour?) might be less accommodating of listening to hours of shouting.

It's absolutely not standard procedure for police to carry out welfare checks unless they are concerned there is immediate risk of harm. I assume the delivery driver reported it to police or social services out of hours and they acted quickly because of the terrible noises. I'm sure nothing will come of it if it was as you said.

Obviously this was upsetting and you felt violated, but try to see it as something to be grateful for, that if your children were ever at risk that someone would be looking out for them.

And maybe get your son to stop screaming, that's going to be frustrating for any neighbourband definitely won't help with a difficult neighbour.
I mean, I don't think it's good for young people to play violent games anyway but at 15 he is old enough to control his noise levels.

It’s great to see the system works if your son is shouting like that, someone overhears and reports it. The Police probs contacted ss to see if you had ever been on their radar, which you have. They will have then done the welfare check. All that they did was perfectly reasonable.

What a nasty little post. Did it make you feel better?

OP@DottyDitsyMum You don’t sound as if you are a straightforward family, You have 1 autistic parent who previously has nearly committed suicide, 1 parent needing input for mobility issues….at the end of the day only you know if your kids are fine or not but it’s very hard as an outsider to assess family circumstances on a one off visit, so do try not to get too stressed about a follow up ss visit. Sometimes we have to accept that it’s a good thing that other people are looking out for the kids and families in our society. I have a ND child who likewise sounds horrendous in a meltdown, but I would really ask you to think about whether your son is playing appropriate games…..if he has a history of trauma it could be creating far more anxiety and over stimulation, there are lots of non violent games available.