Police Welfare check normal?

[DottyDitsyMum]

Hi,
Apologies and warning this is long!
I wonder if anyone can help with experience/ knowledge about police welfare checks on children.
Last night, at just after 8pm, we had police turn up at our door and demand to see the children. I was in the bath at the time and my husband answered the door. He wasn't allowed to explain to the children what was happening and the pair of them (one male, one female) just went straight up to the kids bedrooms to check on them.
Once they had spoken to each child, they came down to speak to us (I got out of bath - husband had actually been asked if I was definitely in there!).
We were told it was just a routine welfare check, requested by social services, because someone had reported concerns.
They checked our kitchen for food and interrogated us a bit about why we home educate (we have done for past 16 years, are known to LA and never had any issues at all, with older children having grown up, left home and working now). They had read our files from a few years ago, when SS were involved for a whole different story, that was resolved. I was told that it was likely SS will follow up on visit, but that they were "happy enough for now".
Kids were understandably upset and confused.
When I asked if it had been a serious concern raised, due to the urgency of the visit, they said no - "this was normal procedure."
Initially we thought this was our neighbour, who is a major busy-body, and reports anyone for everything possible. She complained to council about some bits of wood and rubbish in front garden, that was waiting to go to the dump, but had to wait a couple of days because husband had injured back. Our poor next door neighbour has constant issues with her reporting things.
However, we'd just had a sainsbury delivery only 40 minutes before police arrived. The driver had been nosing around at the door - our hall and stairs look a state at the moment, due to being mid renovation. We can't remember exactly if he was doing it at the time, but often my 15 year old is very loud when gaming online and shouts things like "No!" "Get away from me!" "Don't kill me!" And just screaming!
My husband anxiety is through the roof, and kids are really upset by it all, due to previous issues with SS. Both would be eased by having a better understanding of what happened, and whether this is neighbours latest vendetta!
Is it really likely that this was routine request from SS? Or do you think that delivery driver called police with concerns?
On one hand, I understand totally the need to check on kids. But the negative attitude towards us home edding and the way they spoke to my husband (who's autistic and was just really struggling to comprehend what was happening at the time) was disturbing. Whole household feeling very confused, violated and vulnerable today 😔

I think it’s understandable that home educating is seen as a red flag, or at least a risk factor.

Firstly, a lot of HE kids are home educated because they are neurodiverse, or have some mental health problems, leading to them struggling with school. These same problems make them more vulnerable in general.

Secondly, there are parents who deregister their kids, claiming they’re home educating, when in fact they just can’t be bothered to get their kids to school.

Thirdly, no one knows how these kids are, because there are no external third parties (teachers) seeing them in a daily basis. So they could be ill, starving, neglected, dirty, bruised. No one knows.

Of course the majority of HE kids are perfectly fine, with caring loving parents doing a good job. But it’s easy to see why home education would be a way to conceal abuse. So the bar for checking on these kids would probably be lower.

Ridiculous to say that no third parties are seeing HE children !!!!

My dc are seen by the dentist every 6 months , the optician every 6-12 months, the gp every now and again for appts or vaccinations, the HV for the younger ones up till age 5 so she saw the older dc when came to the house.

We have a HE officer who does a yearly visit and we do a report for each child.

Don’t be daft - the massive difference here is that you know it’s your child, the delivery driver doesn’t.

🤯
You had someone come to the door, and a 15yo upstairs, out of sight, ‘possibly’ screaming things like "No!" "Get away from me!" "Don't kill me!" And just screaming!, and you are wondering why police rocked up and have your nose out of joint that they went through your house to make sure anyone there was safe. And it seems you have had a prior incident which had social service involvement. And your other gripe is that it upset your DH who has autism. Wow.

But it may well have been the neighbour who despite what you believe can hear your ds screaming. You have no idea what she can hear unless you’re in her house. That does NOT mean it’s malicious. Maybe she’s fed up of the noise?

So you’ll agree that no one sees them on a daily basis apart from yourselves. In fact, it could be months before they are seen by someone in a professional capacity.

I think that if a delivery driver has concerns then they absolutely should report and a welfare check is the correct outcome. From what you have posted, and assuming it was the delivery driver, I think his actions were correct.

People hearing noises do call police as they don't know what is going on and do get concerned.

So your children clearly see very few people and there are many months in between.

My children do go to school but one of them went seven years between GP appointments because they just aren’t a regular occurance for most young children. Other than the dentist every six months, my children could easily not see anyone else for years at a time.

My hall is in a bit of a state too. Need to decorate it this summer.

I don't think I would necessarily report the screaming because I have a child of the same age who does similar. I would probably listen for a bit longer because usually you can tell it's a game when they start laughing and talking normally a few seconds later.

Seeing the dentist etc every few months is not the same as seeing a teacher every day.
I don’t think the HE officer visit is a standard thing in all areas. I know a couple of HE parents who have never had a visit and didn’t even have one when they started home educating.
Surely you can see that it would be much easier to hide abuse if you HE your child than if they go to school.
There’s no need for you to get defensive. I’m made it clear in my post that most HE families have no problems at all, but that opting out of the school system means that children are seen less often by fewer people. It’s not a criticism, it’s a statement of fact.

They go to weekly home Ed groups too - 2 have a maths tutor so there are more regular times they are seen but by actual‘professionals’ I stated above when they are seen and I think it’s fine

The problem is it’s optional whether to have home visits and most home Ed families refuse and are allowed to. I’ve been kicked off fb groups for admitting I allow visits and provide work samples and told I make it harder for others by doing so

We only home Ed now after the school my dc were at wrongly accused us of FII (munchausens) so we de registered all the children and never looked back so for us it was the opposite - there was no abuse but they tried to say there was

Are you always oblivious to reality? @BasilBanana 🙄

It's your son. Children screaming about being hurt or death gets lot of attention. You should tell your son to put a lid on it; otherwise he might find you and him have to speak to social services.

Some of these posts😂
Tell me you don't have a gamer in the house without telling me you don't have a gamer in the house.

That sounds awful op, how scary for you and your family. I hope you get some follow-up and resolution.

I have a gamer in the house but he's never been allowed to scream and shout the way I see other teenagers (or adults!) do. Very very early on it was made clear that wasn't acceptable and that it would result in the immediate removal of the game. Never had a problem since.

Me too, I’d be having words.

All those things are not just infrequent (not daily or weekly or even monthly)... but they're at the parents' discretion. If you don't register your child with an optician, they won't see one. Lots of families choose not to vaccinate.

So yes, some home schooled children might not be seen by opticians, dentists or GPs. And as you say HVs stop visiting pretty much once the kid reaches school age.

Wow! I very rarely post on forums like this and this has just made me realise why. What a bunch of judgy unpleasant people you can be. And turned into a debate, full again of misconceptions and judgement, about the safety of home education. Maybe I should have posted on that section instead, for people who understand.

Thank you for those who have spent the time to properly read my further posts for clarification and trying to understand. It is obviously difficult to get a full description of a situation in a handful of posts.

I'm so glad so many of you have such perfect children and family lives that you don't have such worries!

I KNOW the neighbour can't hear - because we are detached and he can't be heard outside.

Yes, when excited he can be loud- as kids often are. It is interspersed with laughter usually. He isn't actually playing inappropriate games - not that anybody bothered to consider that! Just like a younger children might run around and shout "bang, bang, you are dead!" in a playground... he is playing online with friends and having fun.

The trauma I mentioned - was from previous malicious allegations, that were found to be untrue ... but the process of being investigated by SS and Police was traumatic for the children. THAT was scary and unsettling. THAT is what the children were upset by then and THAT was what they were triggered by again - the prospect of repeated questions from professionals and the other horrible things that happened then.

He, and his siblings, are polite, respectful and considerate children. They are social, seen by other adults several times a week, have friends, are fed, educated and cared for. They have rules and expectations of behaviour and upsetting each other is not accepted. They are, however, allowed to let their hair down and be themselves, within reason, within the privacy of their own home!

As neighbours, we are quiet, keep ourselves to ourselves and considerate to the whole street. Said neighbour has reported almost every person in the street to one authority or another at some point or another. She even told us how often she called SS and police about the previous residents of our house on the day we moved in! She took photos of our next door neighbours visitors to show her ex partner. The council apologise when they have come around, saying that they are just coming to shut her up, because she says that if they don't respond to all her demands that she will get solicitor involved. This is not a concerned, community conscious person, but someone who disapproves of everything that is not what she wants/ does.

I don't have issue with police coming, or for driver complaining/ being concerned. I'm not looking for someone to "blame". We have discussed it with the children. But, due to past experience, anxiety is running high right now with all household and I had been hoping to find some helpful advice. NOT how to "shut things down". And, as I've said - more than glad to see the system works.

Anyway, I don't have to explain myself, but for those who have tried to be understanding thank you.

Something about this just doesn't ring true - the prospect of repeated questions from professionals and the other horrible things that happened then.

What 'other horrible things'? If the complaint was baseless, why did it take so long to investigate?

It's lucky for your dc that you're not abusive, because what you did - deregistering then HEing - would mean they might not see another person for months on end and there would be no one to look out for them.

As an aside I never thought of delivery people as being a group that needed safeguarding training, but I suppose they do! I imagine they must see and hear all sorts!

Its a catch 22 situation

We all want children to be safeguarded, for people to report concerns etc, better safe than sorry.

But that means some innocent situations will be reported, and cause anxiety.. or worse.