5 year old ate my Mother's Day chocs

[fishstiks]

Just found DD has sneakily been getting my Mother's Day box of chocolates from my bedside drawer and has eaten 3 out of the box. We only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert. Obviously the temptation was too much! A few weeks ago she found a large bar of chocolate belonging to DH and ate more than half! When we found it she owned up straight away and we banned all sweet treats and chocolate for a week (no chocolate spread, no sweets or chocolate, no biscuits and no milkshakes)

Should I punish her for the latest chocolate stealing? Are we too strict overall with sweet stuff?

She's a really picky eater she survives on crumpets with sugar free chocolate spread (we only introduced the chocolate spread as she won't eat butter and then will eat no toast or crumpets etc) berries, tofu, rice, pasta and cucumber mostly.

Any advice on the picky eater stuff or appropriate discipline would be appreciated

The more OP types the worse it gets,

"This post was only ever intended to get other opinions on how best to deal with kids taking our stuff."

Our stuff, what, a couple of chocolates? Stolen by your 5 year old. The fact you even came on here looking for 'advice' tells us how mental you are. It was a couple of chocolates ffs. Get over it. Also, so argumentive with everyone. You honestly come across as hard work.

And do you think she fully understands all of this?

She’s not being picky just to be awkward. She has food issues and you’re punishing her for them.

Boy are those pre teen and teenage years going to be fun. Buckle up.

I get you op, you’re just trying to encourage a healthy diet but lots of kids go through a super fussy phase. Mine like yours like plain pasta, pizza, they only eat healthy foods in the form of sweetcorn, cucumber, avocado, broccoli, carrots, apples, strawberries. So I just give them everyday! So long as they’ve eaten a reasonable amount of dinner (even if it’s plain pasta with a side of sweetcorn) they can have a chocolate/sweet/ice cream. I ate the same as a kid but now I eat most things. You just get to an age where onions, mushrooms etc aren’t as horrific as you thought 😂

My sister started off saying her boys couldn’t have sweets, but when they had access to them they went mad, whereas my DCs took them for granted.
To impose a strict regime around sweet treats cultivates an unhealthy relationship with them e.g comfort eating, and guilt feelings. But if she sees you and your husband eating chocolates, and is deprived herself, what is she supposed to think?

Completely agree with this!

op the responses on here make it very clear why there is a children's obesity crisis. Parents allowing their children unrestricted access to high sugar and fatty foods such as these responses are advocating is tantamount to child abuse. It's our job as parents to ensure children have a balanced diet, not just let them eat cakes and chocolate at will. You've removed desserts and sweets in response to your child choosing just the sweet options, and none of the savoury, you didn't restrict them prior to them choosing that path. I would speak to someone regarding her diet to try and get to the bottom of why she has chosen such a restricted diet, because from what you are saying her savoury choices have generally been varied. As far as the stealing chocolate, she has taken something that wasn't for her. I would personally say something, but not punish for it. The chocolate was a present for you and it was your choice to share it or not. If you'd come on here saying hubby had eaten it the pack would be baying for his blood, but because it's a child it's suddenly ok , well it's not. As you've repeatedly said ( even though many posters are ignoring it) your taking away desserts is due to child refusing savoury, not because you didn't want them having sweet at all.

@fishstiks Please, please don't make ''sweets'' a powerful thing.

My mum was really strict about sweets.

I wasn't allowed them and it made them so very powerful.

I craved them, they had a massive value, the ''Forbidden''.

I remember a lovely family offering me a Mars bar on holiday once, and mum said ''NO'' - the family said ''Eat it now, quickly!''...I remember choking it down fast, without enjoyment.

My son was allowed as many 'sweets' as he wanted. {Sweets after school on a Friday and at weekends}

Surprise ,surprise he wasn't really interested

Even now as an adult, I feel a guilty thrill buying jelly babies!

We never made sweets/choc etc forbidden and have been chilled with it. When my daughter has ‘treats’ she is now chilled herself with it and rarely finishes it as she knows there will always be other treats to have. My nephew on the other hand experienced what you are doing now gorges. Good luck

If you'd come on here saying hubby had eaten it the pack would be baying for his blood, but because it's a child it's suddenly ok , well it's not.

Er, yes 😂

There's a big difference between an adult man & a 5 yo child!

As for the 'obesity crisis' - yes, parents need to educate & model healthy food choices. Unfortunately that's not what OP is doing (not castigating her, she just needs help with it). It's far more likely if OP continues on the current trajectory with her DD that a pattern of disordered eating will be established.

OP clearly wants to improve matters but needs some support from professionals to do so.

Couldn't agree more!

It really does make the ''Forbidden'' sweets have a value that they ought not have.

Absolutely agree with everything @ffoghead said.

OP how involved has she been in making foods with you? Like making muffins and asking her to choose banana or blueberries and having her make them.

I think dessert as a level of reward is totally fine as it promotes everything in moderation.

Also perhaps reduce the size of the plate and the amount of food you are giving her. Roll it back so she only has to have smaller amounts to start with them gets the pudding.

You can also try healthier puddings, sliced banana with jam and whipped creams, yogurts with honey and rice pudding. Stuff that will fill her up but gives her the satisfactions.

You have to keep rotating with kids. Keep going back round and trying all the things again, and different things. Involve her in her food choices.

@YourSnugHazelTraybake

You also sound like hard work 😂

Don't confuse parents who neglect their children's health by allowing over indulgence, with those who don't mind their children having sweet stuff occasionally alongside a balanced diet.

When I was pregnant with my first I overheard a posh mum in a supermarket saying 'No Tarquin, treats are only for parties'. Poor wee Tarquin, think that was his name, or something similar.

You’re being too harsh, it’s 3 chocolates, she’s 5.

Gorges.... Yup.

My schoolfriend's parents who worked for an Embassy in London, and got gifted really fancy chocolates {and other comestibles} from Fortnums at Christmas.

A new 5lb box was given to us to ''help ourselves'' by her mum.

The thrill was immense- the scent of them, the glossy, smooth shiny chocolate with the violet decoration on the top.. the sweet strawberry fondant inside.. the violet creams, the orange cream.. oh heavenly.

I ate to the point of nausea.

My friend ate far less, as sweets to her were nothing special.

The gorging of the chocolates at was initially so pleasurable - probably the first five.. and then descended into a filthy nausea.

I remember saying ''I need an ambulance'' 🤢 half in jest {aged 11}

Ironically I grew up with free access to alcohol..and never was interested in it.

She's 5, it's your fault for leaving it where she could get it, of course she was going to eat it, you set her up to fail and are way too strict 🤷‍♀️

I’m baffled by people saying sweets are freely available to their children and this teaches them regulation. In my experience different children will behave differently and for some having sweets around is a temptation they can’t resist and they need to learn to not always have it. My step-children are a case in point for this as one is very overweight while the other is not because they will endlessly eat unhealthy food at their mom’s house or at school (breakfast and after school clubs really don’t help) while their sibling eats in moderation.

That being said we absolutely do not go to the ops extreme of not allowing pudding/biscuits etc. In our house we just enforce the idea of a balanced diet and eating fruit and vegetables too.

I honestly think though that you need more help than a mumsnet thread give your daughters reduction in food choices and would suggest the doctors as a first port of call.

I’ve only read the ops posts.
I have a child with food issues.
Things that have helped are school dinners. Yes there were a few days at the beginning he hardly ate anything. There was a point school suggested he had packed lunches because he ate so slowly. But now he’ll eat most of the school lunch

I buy healthy food he likes, even though it’s costs more. So he has strawberries, grapes, premium bread for toast, the spread he likes on it, the right sort of cheese. Then he can eat cheese sandwiches, toasted cheese sandwiches, cheese on toast, nachos. I cook things like pancakes and I’m careful with the toppings a little of that chocolate ice cream sauce goes a long way. There’s usually a list on the fridge of savoury meals/snacks he’ll eat. So I’ve always got a reminder.

I don’t cooked things in sauces, everything is cooked separately and served separately not touching

Plenty of exercise, it’s surprising what a child will eat after walking a couple of miles

With the chocolates I just would have said that’s a shame if you had asked me you could have had one after dinner. My mother restricted sweets for me, it was the thing to do at the time, I eat far too many sweets now. With my siblings she took a more relaxed attitude and they can take the or leave them.
My children know they’ll get a share of the chocolates or sweets but it might not be immediately

It’s not easy and can be stressful having a very fussy eater. Any progress made is extremely slow.

This is so sad. No wonder she’s got issues with food and her being sneaky with it.

My DS is one of those kids who would never stop eating them.

Terrible parenting. No desserts is ridiculous and yet you and DH are allowed whatever. Sweets once a week? You are setting your child up for an eating disorder. Do better!

I disagree with a lot of the stuff here. Informed healthy eating in childhood never sent me reaching for sweets and crap and I think you have to have a disordered relationship to food for that to happen. The idea that “sweet treats” are an important part of life is why 60% of the population is overweight or obese. Good eating habits start in childhood.

However, we did have a pudding every day - yoghurt, fromage frais, rice pudding etc and as we got older we had a biscuit box with Penguins, Clubs, Kitkats etc, but probably not at 5 years. But we never had sweets in the house and only had patissier chocolate for cooking. Result is that I don’t have that stuff in the house as an adult and my kids don’t get excited by them either.

I wasn’t as fussy as your DD though nor did I have a sweet tooth. I think she’s eating a reasonable range of food, given her restrictive tastes, and you’re right not to indulge demands for ice cream. No-one needs sweets every week.

@TerrifiedOfNoise I’m baffled by people saying sweets are freely available to their children and this teaches them regulation. In my experience different children will behave differently and for some having sweets around is a temptation they can’t resist and they need to learn to not always have it.

Agreed. Look around at the size of the population, people aren’t learning regulation but overindulgence to the detriment of their health.

Thanks. I agree that nobody needs sweets every week. Regarding the box of chocolates I had only eaten one since Mother's Day so I can take it or leave it tbh and I see kids having bags of sweets every day at the school gates and I do think it's too much!