5 year old ate my Mother's Day chocs

[fishstiks]

Just found DD has sneakily been getting my Mother's Day box of chocolates from my bedside drawer and has eaten 3 out of the box. We only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert. Obviously the temptation was too much! A few weeks ago she found a large bar of chocolate belonging to DH and ate more than half! When we found it she owned up straight away and we banned all sweet treats and chocolate for a week (no chocolate spread, no sweets or chocolate, no biscuits and no milkshakes)

Should I punish her for the latest chocolate stealing? Are we too strict overall with sweet stuff?

She's a really picky eater she survives on crumpets with sugar free chocolate spread (we only introduced the chocolate spread as she won't eat butter and then will eat no toast or crumpets etc) berries, tofu, rice, pasta and cucumber mostly.

Any advice on the picky eater stuff or appropriate discipline would be appreciated

Thanks for your first bit of advice I appreciate it.

We've only recently said no high sugar foods as she was being offered a wide variety and only selecting high sugar foods so we felt like we had to step in a change something.

I don't get it

I understand that but you dont really know how she will see you when she is older.
Her take on things growing up is gonna be different to how you see it.

I think that that might help, OP. Maybe it will help with a feeling of agency/ appetite self regulation.

re: the discipline question though- my strong advice to you would be “don’t”. I think there are more than enough food issues going on already, that you haven’t got to the bottom of. Regardless of your ideological position on whether a child should EVER be considered as transgressing for eating any food in the home (I would say “no, never”- of course you’re entitled to disagree), Im sure you can see now that in her case it would be most unwise?

Well you are clearly quite a strict parent. Spare the rod and spoil the child.
Sounds like she needs a damn good thrashing for eating your chocolates

We only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert.

Therein lies your problem.

Maybe the increasing restrictiveness of her choices of food is a reaction?

The poster was obviously making the point that the sudden change in her behavior is very likely linked to the fact you've just had another baby.

Nutritionally it might benefit her to actually have the desserts. E.g. a homemade apple crumble doesn't have to have loads of sugar in, but would give her apple, almonds, maybe oats. If you make the custard then she gets eggs, milk etc

Thank you. I was only asking about discipline in a broad sense like would just a chat be appropriate or taking away one of her privileges? I grew up in a household where I was verbally abused daily and have thankfully totally broken that cycle with my own kids. Very happy to say I never shout at them ever. My husband grew up with no rules or consequences so we're both just trying to figure out how to navigate and unsure how to proceed considering she stole twice in a month, make a big deal out of it or not? The general consensus is to not!

This is only a recent change as she was only eating high sugar foods every day when we were serving her loads of different stuff

We've only recently said no high sugar foods as she was being offered a wide variety and only selecting high sugar foods so we felt like we had to step in a change something.

You're not wrong, obviously but doing this in isolation is problematic.

You need to talk to her about appropriate food choices, then give her some options. So non-negotiables around breakfast, lunch & dinner, then freedom within those.

No commentary if she doesn't eat at any one particular meal.

No fuss about treats - just decide when you are having them, and let her have them, regardless of anything else she eats.

Gently, you've created this situation. You were allowing her really poor choices of food in an unrestricted way (biscuits on demand), then you went completely the other way & you've confused her.

Buy a good book on children's diets; work out a clear household plan on food, and then say nothing else. On a given day she may not each much, but over time she'll adapt, as long as it's consistent & lacking in pressure.

Don't talk, ever, about 'stealing' food, and don't punish her.

Her take on things growing up is gonna be different to how you see it.

Maybe let OP deal with that problem another day.

Today, she needs help with her 5 yo DD & her diet, not an adult DD going NC 🙄

But we stopped the desserts after dinner as she would eat no dinner and just the dessert.

Why didn't you just do the more usual thing of saying you have to eat your dinner first before getting dessert? Why were you giving desserts when she'd eaten no dinner?

Thank you so much for your comment this is safe advice and I feel like you've really understood what I've said and our situation.

I will provide more low sugar foods that she can snack on whenever and go back to having desserts after dinner and let her have it no matter if she's eaten dinner or not and hope that her choices improve!

Because this is using dessert as a reward for eating dinner and I thought your weren't supposed to do that

'I was asking about how to discipline'

Seriously?

She's 5.

Good parenting at that age isn't about disciplining her for eating a few chocolates because she was desperate for a sweet treat.

I'm old fashioned and strict but this is completely over the top and downright nasty of you.

I was verbally abused daily and have thankfully totally broken that cycle with my own kids.* *

You say you have totally broken the verbal abuse cycle so are you saying you were like that thats what it sounds like.
I think you need parenting classes.

Sounds good OP! It's hard in the situation to see what to do, especially when you have had a very difficult time yourself as a child around food 😔

No I'm saying I've never shouted at my kids ever, my mother was shouted at by her mother and I got shouted at every day until I left home. I went into parenthood with my eyes wide open, aware I was abused and very aware to never let myself behave in the same way towards my kids, and I never have and I'm really proud of that.

You're being a hypocrite. If the kids aren't allowed chocolate, you and your husband should stop eating it too and quit hiding stashes of it round the house. What's sauce for the goose.....
My mum was like this and it did me absolutely no favours whatsoever.

I used the word discipline in a broad sense like would a chat be appropriate and leave it there? Or would you say like no tv after school? Because obviously saying no sweet stuff for a week didn't work

It sounds like you had a really hard time as a kid yourself (fellow abuse survivor here! I get it) and what’s not “clicking” for you on this, is a fundamental principle- I.e. that your little girl didn’t “steal”. You can’t, IMO, steal food that’s in your home, whether it’s special, intended for you, set aside, or not.

Given she’s eaten a treat that has been a gift to you, and that clearly matters to you (rightly or wrongly), in some families it might be said (of a child without food issues) that it’s mischievous. An older child WITHOUT food issues some might say was being thoughtless. (As I said- in my house it’s all shared … sometimes rather unequally, depending on whether my son or I are in the munching mood!)

But a child is never “stealing” when they do something like this. And whilst it might (in circumstances without food issues) be grounds for a chat about asking/ thoughtfulness etc. - that’s just about teaching manners and thoughtfulness, not about discipline.

I think there’s more going on here, OP, for your DD and you. And I wonder if a counselor for you, and a chat with the GP for her about possible ARFID would be helpful?

Best of luck.

And to your last post.

no sanctions. None at all. Don’t even TALK to her about it it, until you’ve got to the bottom of the broader food issues and understand what’s going on.

It seems like its turned in to all about you and your past.
Maybe get some counselling for yourself.

My mother was like this when i left home i never went back.