5 year old ate my Mother's Day chocs

[fishstiks]

Just found DD has sneakily been getting my Mother's Day box of chocolates from my bedside drawer and has eaten 3 out of the box. We only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert. Obviously the temptation was too much! A few weeks ago she found a large bar of chocolate belonging to DH and ate more than half! When we found it she owned up straight away and we banned all sweet treats and chocolate for a week (no chocolate spread, no sweets or chocolate, no biscuits and no milkshakes)

Should I punish her for the latest chocolate stealing? Are we too strict overall with sweet stuff?

She's a really picky eater she survives on crumpets with sugar free chocolate spread (we only introduced the chocolate spread as she won't eat butter and then will eat no toast or crumpets etc) berries, tofu, rice, pasta and cucumber mostly.

Any advice on the picky eater stuff or appropriate discipline would be appreciated

@Kwasi DS bedtime is 7pm. He has global delay and is a very messy eater, I tend to feed him non messy foods for breakfast and lunch (to save my sanity) and then for dinner I give him whatever we're having so curry, chilli whatever and then yogurt. He's normally covered head to toe by the end of the meal in food, and when he's finished eating (which doesn't take long at all) he's desperate to get out of the high chair and I chuck him straight in the bath and to bed afterwards. my worry if if he ate earlier his bedtime would still stay the same so I would bathe him and then let him play? And then I run the risk of him having reflux with his dinner which is a whole separate issue really but had happened a few times

Just out of curiosity, why would you give her a plain wrap? She seems to eat quite a lot of foods.

I've also found safe foods she's happy to eat at home she won't touch in her lunch box

I am also confused with this. If he eats earlier, he might get reflux but not if he eats closer to bedtime?

What's wrong with your son playing after the bath and before bed? My two children have always done this (indoor play, not in the garden getting muddy!).

You sound quite rigid with all the routines (and I do get some children need routine as I have a child with autism). But they seem unnecessary and not set up due to your children's needs.

Does your DS eat limited foods?

I would be harsher with her at violating my privacy than at stealing chocolates. You need to get to the bottom of the food issues regardless.

@Kwasi her request! We have fajitas sometimes for dinner and she started eating them then, she calls them flat pancakes. She's picky in the way even when she asks specifically for something it's 50/50 if she will actually eat it. And when we were serving sweet foods around these foods she stopped eating any of this stuff and would only eat dessert or biscuits or sweets. That's why we banned desserts and sweet stuff and recently has been eating more varied food, but like today she did great at lunch time although refused to eat the one thing she asked for when it was put on her plate and then ate nothing at dinner

Try to make life less stressful for yourself - cook one meal for all of you to eat together - put something in the slow-cooker/oven timer for nights when there's rainbows etc. Make the new rule that she has to eat one small spoon of everything on her plate. Put more stuff in the 'fruit bowl' and give her unlimited access to it. Berries, crackers, breadsticks, carrot, cucumber, cheese etc.

At 5 she should know not to steal anything - maybe find books that reiterate that. Big punishments stretching over days are never appropriate - and I say that as a parent of teens. Just give everyone else 2 chocolates but give her only 1 because she's already eaten some.

You know that 3 slices of ice-cream was a mistake and has added to her confusion but forget about it now and move on - good luck!

He has a chromosomal disorder where he has hyperphagia and hypotonia, so the desire to overeat and then poor core muscle strength to support his digestive system so sometimes when he's eaten a lot simply leaning forward in the bath before bed causes him to vomit his food back up, so I tend to serve him plainer simpler foods with a less wet texture in the morning and for lunch so it helps him keep it down and then in the evening I serve him much more varied stuff hoping he doesn't massively overeat and keeps his food down in the short intermission before bed. If I let him have his normal dinner of more varied foods and then let him play afterwards he would vomit his food back up most definitely

The people this post are insane. I'm sorry OP it sounds really tough and you're trying to do what's best. I wouldn't feel comfortable giving my child dessert and sweets all the time if they weren't balancing it out with healthy food too. I think you might have touched a nerve with lots of mums who dole out the sweet stuff whenever their kids want and don't want to fell guilty about it perhaps. It's the only reason I can think for such vitriol. I don't really have any advice other than have you tried speaking to an expert about it as her eating does sound worse than your usual picky eater. I wouldn't punish the chocolates though, maybe talk to her about it. I really hope it improves as it would be shit if it carries on until she's 18, like it did with you.

Sorry, OP, but you definitely shouldn’t be fulfilling that kind of lunch box request. DH can choose his dessert but not the rest.

It sounds like you have a lot of stress with your DS that it’s impacting your mealtimes. How much support do you get from your partner?

I would honestly love to do this, this was one of my previous tactics, cooking a main meal and saying she has to try a bit, just a tiny bit and this was the evening she vomited at the table after chewing a small piece of boiled new potato. I understood in that moment that she wasn't doing it on purpose, you can't make yourself sick like that on command, it made it clear that she really struggles with some foods and after that is when I started serving her her safe foods for every meal. And also offering dessert afterwards like normal, and then she slowly stopped eating her safe foods but would always beg for dessert

Does she have sensory issues? Is she finding eating at school overwhelming with all the noise, smells etc and so isn’t managing to eat much, or can only cope with ‘comfort’ foods like the sweet things?

I think the reason she is doing this is because you are way to strict with sweet things, this only encourages them to be greedy for them, the more you can't have it the more you want it, I also notice the rules don't apply to DH and yourself he has a large bar of chocolate and you have Mother's Day chocolates, I bet you didn't eat yours only once a week.
You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of food issues, no dessert ever and chocolate once a week, they will then binge rubbish when they're older when they can, this is a very serious ground you are treading on they could then end up with bulimia or something, due to your approach to foods, this is exactly what happened to my friends son due to her and her husbands rules, they ate crap though.
You need to give them a health balanced diet, give them a treat after school if they eat all their dinner, a yogurt or a small chocolate bar. But only after they have eaten their dinner and a piece of fruit, make healthy alternatives too like flapjacks, it doesn't have to be chocolate everyday.
But what you are doing is setting them up for serious problems

Have you not read any of OPs posts?

@Kwasi yeah if he eats earlier and then plays after he's running around and bending over picking up toys, rolling around on the floor = much more chance of reflux. Whereas he usually goes straight from eating into the bath, and then we try and keep him from running around while we're getting him changed or from bending over lots and once he's in bed he falls straight to sleep and is usually fine.

DH is great and really helpful, fully on board with trying to implement things to help DD eat better, we are a team and show a united front at the dinner table of chatting about our days and not mentioning food or how much she's eating etc

I think it’s terrific that you have broken what can be a cycle of abuse that can continue for generations.

I wouldn’t link punishments to food. I would just tell her that she can’t take chocolate that was for the whole family - and that you were going to share it after dinner or whenever. I would explain that eating too much chocolate can make your tummy sore and it can stick on your teeth.

and then move on. It’s perfectly normal behavior at this age.

This sounds very stressful - have you got any expert advice from a doctor/dietician, on how best to get her to eat a wider variety of foods and to get enough food?

Could it be a control thing with her - I have a family member who had quite restricted eating when she was a child and into teens, very easy in every other way. She thinks that it was a control thing for her, she could refuse food types and no one could make her eat them, it was a lot of power for a small child.

I completely understand why you've gone no sugar, as that's all she was eating, but could you try to introduce some healthier desserts a few times a week eg apple crumble with lots of oats in the topping, pancakes with lots of egg and blueberries, frozen Greek yoghurt as home made ice cream, to increase her food intake?

About the stealing, I think a weeks ban on sweet food is very long for a 5 year old. I used to give my DS a punishment on the day eg no screen time, and leave it at that.

I think you need to stop having chocolate where she can possibly find it - so if there is any in the house, needs to be in a tin in a high cupboard, it's just too much temptation for her.

I just saw the bit about she would eat biscuits before dinner, but that's the point, she can have two biscuits if she wants but only after dinner and fruit or a yogurt,
You need to change the rules, they are a treat not forbidden

That sounds so stressful. Your poor DD is hungry earlier in the evening but your poor DS gets sick if he plays after eating.

@mollyfolk the no sweets for a week was my husbands idea, she had eaten 3/4 or a large sharing bar of dairy milk so we were both surprised as she's never eaten that much chocolate. That much chocolate would make me feel really ill I'm really not that into chocolate I can take it or leave it, hence why I only ate one chocolate from my box in a week and why I knew some were missing and exactly how many (she'd also not put the lid back on and left the box hanging out the drawer)

In retrospect yeah it was too long, and obviously didn't work.

We've had a chat this evening about banning the sweet treats, DH thinks the ban should continue as she's eating more normal food now, whereas I'm thinking of introducing a pudding like apple crumble and custard or some healthy rice crispy cakes either peanut butter and honey

My advice would be to start saving for all the therapy your poor child is going to need.

@Kwasi and I have to serve the snacks and dinner at the same time for both kids otherwise little bro gets very upset. Like if he wakes up from his nap too early he needs a snack right after waking up but then if I then collect DD from school I have to either give him another snack while she eats her snack after arriving home or she has to eat in secret so he doesn't see otherwise he will head bang, throw things and rage all over the house.

Hmm there are obviously more things going on in my house related to food and it's all rather complicated and maybe some of DS behaviour around food is making DD relationship to food go bad?

I'd be telling DD that stealing is not ok it makes you sad she has stolen from you.