5 year old ate my Mother's Day chocs

[fishstiks]

Just found DD has sneakily been getting my Mother's Day box of chocolates from my bedside drawer and has eaten 3 out of the box. We only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert. Obviously the temptation was too much! A few weeks ago she found a large bar of chocolate belonging to DH and ate more than half! When we found it she owned up straight away and we banned all sweet treats and chocolate for a week (no chocolate spread, no sweets or chocolate, no biscuits and no milkshakes)

Should I punish her for the latest chocolate stealing? Are we too strict overall with sweet stuff?

She's a really picky eater she survives on crumpets with sugar free chocolate spread (we only introduced the chocolate spread as she won't eat butter and then will eat no toast or crumpets etc) berries, tofu, rice, pasta and cucumber mostly.

Any advice on the picky eater stuff or appropriate discipline would be appreciated

In my opinion you are way too strict , the more you deny them something the more attractive it becomes in my experience! I received two large boxes of chocolates for mothers day , I left one opened on the kitchen table for anyone to help themselves too, there's still loads left. It's a very important lesson to teach kids to regulate themselves . I've a close friend who completely denied her kids even a sip of fizzy drinks until they were teens , guess who's kids are now never seen without a fuzzy drink in hand constantly. Mine were allowed it at parties or other special occasions and now that they are older they will choose water most of the time.

I would turn it into a joke like 'who's the cheeky monkey who's been sneaking my chocolates?'
Be lighthearted otherwise it'll become a thing and she'll just learn to be sneakier. Not only about chocolates but other things too.
keep giving her the healthy stuff she does eat and ask her to just try one thing a day.
It might be a good time to help her learn about food and nutrition and what vitamins in certain foods can help with.
If you talk about vitamin c or protein, look up what food contains them then ask her which of those foods she might try that week.

Never allow dessert and sweets once a week? You're setting her up for a lifetime of food issues and a poor relationship with it as you can see from her little 'binges' bless her. Don't make it such a thing and I'm sure she'll care much less

Sounds like you are creating a child with disordered eating tbh

The reason she steals them is because they're viewed as something forbidden. I don't really have limits on sweet treats albeit my 4.5 year old doesn't really like chocolate. It means that he doesn't go crazy though when presented with something sweet.

So she sees you and DH eating chocolate but she’s never allowed any?? I would think this would feel deeply unfair to a 5 year old. Chocolates are freely shared in our house. I do think you’re perhaps rather strict.
Are you working on expanding her food choices?

Well it's up to you how you raise your child(ren), but I don't personally agree with being so strict. DS has had "dessert" (often just a piece of fruit, or plain yogurt with berries) practically every day since he was weaned. We're also happy to allow him to have small amounts of sweets and/or chocolate/a "proper" dessert every day if he chooses to. He doesn't. Restricting only makes the forbidden thing more appealing, IME.

It does sound like you're creating a big deal out of sweet foods so of course she goes looking for them. You can encourage healthy balanced eating without hiding or banning treats.

So you and her dad are allowed sweets and chocolate as and when but she's only allowed it once a week? No wonder she's taking yours, you've created the perfect forbidden fruit situation.

I was very strict with sweets with my first and not at all with my second. Second not bothered about sweets at all, first is obsessed with them and sees them as rewards

You’re risking making food into a battle ground. You need to relax a lot!

If this is true, then yes, you're too strict. And cruel. And setting your daughter up for a lifetime if issues around food.

And she didn't steal your Mother's Day chocolates. She's a 5 year old who wanted to eat something nice. Like she sees her parents eating.

Think it’s ok to just generally not have loads of sweet treats in and not have dessert but your rules are weird and using sweet treats as part of a punishment is just asking for trouble. Good job you asked!

You have made a massive deal out of sweet foods, so much so where you have banned them as punishment for understandably sneaking chocs.

You may think you are promoting an healthy lifestyle, but this is recipe for disaster.

i’d have come down hard on her taking other people’s stuff, but you’ve made it about sugar

Never ever ever use food as punishment or reward. It just sets them up into thinking there’s bad food and good food, and a lifetime of guilt for eating. Not good!

Here I’m very relaxed about sweet stuff, it’s always been in the house, if Dd wanted some as long as she asked it’s generally yes to a small bit. Always give pudding at the same time as the main meal. If you eat your yogurt/cake/chocolate first does it matter? No.

Shes 7, has a really good relationship with food. She wants to eat well for energy so will have her fruits and veggies etc. But nothing is bad, it just doesn’t provide the same nutrition as something else.

You have taken way too far. The poor thing.

The problem is you have made sweets more desirable by banning them.

Personally I'd use her desire to have these things to get her eating more healthy foods eg eat meal then can have a choice of small bag sweets, small chocolate biscuit (penguin sized) or a couple of chocolates. Worked for mine. Some may call it bribery, I'd just call it using my initiative!

Dd1 still caused grief in the teenage years but at 5, bribery worked

Thanks for all your replies! We did BLW and she used to eat curries, chilli, soup, pizza whatever! And then she used to have hot dinners at nursery but slowly started refusing the food until they made us give her packed lunch, so for a while she was having cheese sandwiches and veg sticks and crisps and yogurt and then she stopped eating that too and now we are where we are. Her brother eats anything put in front of him.

We used to be more free with sweets and dessert, we allowed sweets and have dessert a few times a week but as her eating got pickier she started refusing non sweet foods and she would only eat the sweet stuff offered to her at lunch time like berries and a oat chocolate bar, leaving her sandwich and crisps and veg then have a sweet snack when she got home like a crumpet with chocolate spread and then wouldn't eat a single bit of dinner but then would eat her pudding and custard so all she would have eaten in a day would be sweet things.

This is why we stopped the sweet stuff. And she doesn't see us eating sweet stuff in front of her, those chocolates were at the back of my drawer so she's gone right in there rooting about in my things and found them.

I know the ban on no sweets or dessert is a bit harsh but we just don't know what to do because she was refusing all other normal food and only eating sweet things.

There used to be much more stress syndrome times trying to make her try different things and we stopped it as it was so stressful. But when one of the only things she eats is plain pasta and then refuses that and is begging me for ice cream instead what do I do? If she says she doesn't want to eat any of her dinner that's fine, but surely serving her a bowl of ice cream afterwards sends the wrong message

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Regrettably your post is your answer.

You have made sugar such a “thing”, that now your child believes sugar must be stolen and consumed in secrecy, swiftly and without others noticing.

Do you genuinely not see how you have manufactured her approach to sugar fairly directly ?

Food is not just a necessity but also something that should bring you joy.

Your approach sounds joyless and a sure fire way to give your child a disordered relationship with food.

She’s stealing treats because you withhold them. You’re leading her in to a lifetime of unhealthy relationships with food. She needs to learn balance. To learn how to regulate herself. Unconditional permission to eat is the way to build a healthy relationship with food. You need to completely change your stance

In my opinion this is really unhealthy - you’ve inadvertently taught her that chocolate and sweets are forbidden and are foods that need to be hidden and eaten in secret - she’s just following your lead.