5 year old ate my Mother's Day chocs

[fishstiks]

Just found DD has sneakily been getting my Mother's Day box of chocolates from my bedside drawer and has eaten 3 out of the box. We only allow sweets once a week and never have dessert. Obviously the temptation was too much! A few weeks ago she found a large bar of chocolate belonging to DH and ate more than half! When we found it she owned up straight away and we banned all sweet treats and chocolate for a week (no chocolate spread, no sweets or chocolate, no biscuits and no milkshakes)

Should I punish her for the latest chocolate stealing? Are we too strict overall with sweet stuff?

She's a really picky eater she survives on crumpets with sugar free chocolate spread (we only introduced the chocolate spread as she won't eat butter and then will eat no toast or crumpets etc) berries, tofu, rice, pasta and cucumber mostly.

Any advice on the picky eater stuff or appropriate discipline would be appreciated

I did.

But I did it with my DD when she was younger.

I also allowed her to choose what we were having for dinner for a few months when she was at nursery. Always chicken/fish, vegetables and small potatoes/rice.

Result is that last year she took months to eat the chocolate she was given at Easter, and she still hasn't finished the tin of biscuits she was given at Christmas.

She also eats proper meals and knows she won't be made to eat food she doesn't like.

I dunno my three now adult dc were all treated the same when it came to sweet stuff, one doesn't eat treats at all, one will eat them in moderation, and one is addicted to sugary stuff, so I am not sure how much your attitude as a parent matters. I think a box of chocs is very tempting for a small child, she was quite restrained really only taking three. I would put them out of her reach and tell her it's not nice to take other people's things.

Can't bear it when parents accuse children of stealing food in their own home. Suggests something is really wrong.

Yeah we've tried this and she only ate dessert from her plate nothing else. We are meat eaters and she refuses all meat. She used to eat eggs but now refuses them. Thankfully she loves tofu, just plain cold tofu straight out of the fridge, I mean I think that's horrible and we used to cook it or season it but she started to refuse that too so now just requests it cold.

On a good evening she eats some rice and broccoli and tofu, but then I'm worried if I then give her dessert as a reward for eating her dinner that's setting her up as sweet food as a reward and that's not good.

Sounds like she might have ARFID

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/avoidant-restrictive-food-intake-disorder-arfid/

I had it to a degree and still do, as does my daughter. Needing very predictable food textures and aesthetics is a big part of it, which creates the ‘fussy eater’ narrative. Sorry you’re getting a hard time on here OP, seems like lots of people are missing your updates x

Yeah we've tried this and she only ate dessert from her plate nothing else. We are meat eaters and she refuses all meat. She used to eat eggs but now refuses them. Thankfully she loves tofu, just plain cold tofu straight out of the fridge, I mean I think that's horrible and we used to cook it or season it but she started to refuse that too so now just requests it cold.

Please take your DD for help as PPs have told you. You may need to pay privately to sort this out and you need to before she hits puberty/reaches 10.

Refusing to eat meat isn't a problem but refusing to eat eggs and not liking the sensation of other food is a big issue that you need help with.

Also your own food habits e.g. hiding chocolate in draws in your bedroom is w good. Remember children copy what you do not what you say.

BTW my DD has dessert every night. It is normally plain yoghurt, fruit or berries in yoghurt. She also has dessert with her school dinner which is often fruit because she can't eat milky or creamy puddings.

It does not sound like AFRID. It sounds like a family that are fucking up food for their children.

now she will have cereal with extra honey for breakfast, her lunch box is crisps, a plain tortilla wrap, an oat bar, pot of raspberries and cucumber, after school snack is a crumpet with chocolate spread and then dinner she is offered rice, pasta, tofu, berries, broccoli, halloumi on rotation alongside whatever we are having, she never tries anything we are eating and she doesn't eat her pasta with any sauce or flavor or butter of cheese nothing.

Why is this ok but you’ve banned sweets and desserts?
Why can you and your Dh have chocolate but not dd?

You are setting her up for a lifetime of disordered eating and a poor relationship with food. I was once your dd.

I was thoroughly smacked for pinching chocolates that weren't mine when little.
But I was a sugar fiend. Just loved it. Turns out I have adhd and sugar is a nice dopamine hit. Am now medicated and have lost the craving and lost weight - great.
I also was a fussy eater. Could she be adhd ?

I did read your further posts before I posted.

And as for further advice? Examine your own propensity to be controlling.

Oh come ON. So many kids are obese and unhealthy looking, people not feeding their kids sweets is a total non issue, we have a warped idea of how many treats they should have and the proof is in the health crisis.

Don’t punish her. Just lock them away next time.

Tbh I meant the original post more about that she stole something in secret not about chocolate.

She is happy, active, doing really well as school, has loads of friends, enjoys some evening hobbies and is exactly the correct weight for her height. She on the 5th centile for height. I am 5'4" and my bmi is underweight by half a point, her dad is 5'7" and average weight for his height. We are a small family neither my mum or sister are taller than 5ft so her height doesn't worry me.

I was also a picky eater as a kid so I totally understand her picky eating as I have been there, which is why lately I've decided to take the stance to just let her eat the foods she wants at dinner and not comment. Now I have a really varied diet, but until age 18 ate a really small group of foods.

In the evening now I make her safe foods I know she normally likes and if she decides to eat a single mouthful then accept that. But surely it's madness to allow that to happen but then say year sure have cake and ice cream and as much as you like of it after?

she sees her parents indulging freely
meanwhile she’s on ridiculously tight rations

”do as i say not as i do” is your parenting mantra i guess

Yeah thank you, it's the first time I've had the Mumsnet mafia gunning for me on one of my posts 😅

I think I also had ARFID as a kid but now eat loafs of different stuff. She just seems to prefer sweet things above all else and when she has free access to them any food that is not sweet gets left on her plate

This you're pushing her towards stealing food and bingeing at 5! Lighten up

She doesn't see us indulging in anything. She climbed on the kitchen counter to get chocolate at the back of the cupboard. And my chocolates were from my mum and were at the back of my bedside table drawer. I think she was in there rooting around looking for my jewellery to try on and came across them. We do not eat sweets things in front of her if we eat treats it will be as a family like having dessert everyone together.

so your dh and his large chocolate bar?

either way…. none of us impose remotely this kind of rationing on this thread

and none of us remotely have this issue of thieving

so….

I wouldn't worry about the food stuff. I was fussy, pretty much grew up on bolognese and sweet stuff. I have a great attitude towards food now, I eat really well, and try pretty much anything. I think this is down to no one giving me any grief about it. I have 2 DDs, one is a great eater, the other is so fussy, won't eat much, and like I was, lives on bolognese. I don't pay it any attention. It sounds like your daughter eats well but not a huge range. I wouldn't go looking into labels - AFRID or whatever. Most children are fussy eaters and would eat sweets all day if they could. End of the day, they're growing and calories are calories no matter where they come from.

Stealing your M Day chocolates, I'd give her a wee row and say next time ask for a chocolate, then cuddle up with her, read a book and share some more together.

"treats" it is fucking food.

Not healthy food in large qualities but still food.

You sound like my mother - deeply controlling about food. That turned food into an emotional battleground and I in turned weaponised food by developing an eating disorder aged 13.

and look where you’d stored them.

At the back of a high cupboard
at the back of your bedside table

as though it’s a dirty secret

ditch the artificial sweeteners. Try peanut butter if you are looking for an alternative to Nutella. My dd likes a local one we found that is blended with honey, so maybe try a drizzle of honey if it doesn’t get accepted on the first attempt.

Do you have issues around food? Rereading your posts, your relationship with food sounds very strict and, well, odd.

Agree. This is why she is stealing.

@Ilovelurchers post is very wise and worth reading twice, and I am also curious if you have sought any medical advice for your daughter avoiding food - you can go to a gp to discuss arfid if you haven’t already.

You mention that she ate well and varied as a smaller child with BLW. You can go back to those principles even with a child of her age. Remind yourself of them: offer a varied and balanced diet that includes different flavours and textures. Plate up food for her as you would anyone else. Just like when she was tiny, there will be waste. Unlike when she was tiny, you will likely have a lot less patience because it feels like a massive step backward and she should have this sorted by now. Forget that, because she doesn’t. Don’t worry about the ‘should’ element - just go back to basics. She’ll eat plain pasta but not pasta with a sauce - serve pasta with the sauce over one third of it to start and see what happens. Put it on her plate. Have fruit or yoghurt for pudding. If she’s not eating any meat but will eat yoghurt, get the kind with a higher protein content to try to counteract what she’s missing.

Are you eating together? If she’s eating one bite then asking for ice cream, eating together provides the modelling of good eating habits but it also gives you a very easy way to say no to the ice cream. If everyone is still eating, it’s a no because we are still eating our dinner. If she waits till everyone is done, you offer the dessert everyone else is having.

If you try this for an extended time (no fair
trying it for a day or two then saying it didn’t work - there is no instant fix here) and there’s no progress, you really should get medical
advice.

And please rethink the secret stashing of treats. Whether she sees you eat them or not, she knew where you had hidden them so she knows you keep secret treats. Secret eating causes so many problems - it’s really not something you want to model in front of her, especially if her eating is already restrictive. A high shelf in the kitchen is far healthier in the long run.

'never have dessert'?

How awful.