From what age would you be okay with being away from your child(ren) for two nights?

[cindysandy]

...during which time your DH/their dad would be looking after them.

DSs are 4 and 16 months and will be leaving them for 2 nights for the first time since they were born. Would probably have left my eldest earlier but covid hit when he was a couple months old and in all the lockdowns / subsequnt pregna cy it never happened. They will be with their dad and grand. My DP spent nights away a couple weeks after my eldest was born. He was a career for his terminal mum.

@Jk987 but the question was not when I would leave my child to go on vacation. It simply asked what age I would leave my child for 2 days with their father. My answer stays the same. From birth I had complete trust in him to care for our child

I would do two nights now he's 2.5 years I think but would've found it hard earlier than that. I still BF and only stopped having to pump when I'm away for extended periods when he was about 2.

I think my first multi night work trips were at age 1 for dc1 and about 10 months for dc2. I maintained breastfeeding through lots of work travel for 2.5 years and 4.5 years respectively- it's can be a lot more flexible than most people think.

I wouldn't have had kids with someone who couldn't be trusted to look after his own children.

Oh actually! DC1 was 10 months when we did an overnight for a wedding and her grandma stayed. I was worried she wouldn't sleep as such a keen breastfeeder but she just went to bed and slept through which she never did with us. It was a bloody brilliant wedding as well.

Again my question wasn't in relation to whether DH could be trusted, but about whether it would somehow be bad for my child.

Thank you for all the replies!!

Left her for 1 night with her dad when she was around 1, for work.

2 nights when she was 2, again for work.

Then 2 nights to go away with friends when she was 2.5. I considered not going almost up to the point we got on the (less than an hour) flight but it was absolutely fine and actually it was the first night that was the worst, as soon as I got woke up the next morning and could think ‘I’ll see her tomorrow’ I was fine.

This year she’ll be nearly 4 when I need to go away for work for 3 nights - that feels like a big step up and I’m dreading it actually (as I did the others). It’s non negotiable, our flagship event and all hands on deck - and the pay off is my job is so flexible the rest of the time.

My worry about going has never been due to concern about my husband’s capabilities as a parent - that’s a weird reach that lots of posters have jumped to. I wouldn’t have had children with someone I couldn’t trust to look after our child either - but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about leaving her/ feel guilty about her missing me. DH is the same and doesn’t like to be away from her too much either.

Having said all that - she’s been absolutely fine every time and there was never any need to worry.

If they were with their dad yeah probably around 6 months but I’d rather not. I left my eldest to go to Paris for one of my best friends hen dos when he was 3 and I missed him desperately. Not left DS2 (14 months) yet overnight but the situation hasn’t arisen.

They don't have the same sense of time as you when they are very small. They dont think 'oh mum's been gone for ages'. When I used to call home from work trips they didn't really want to speak to me either! Too busy.

Also- are the men worrying about this? No.

I was given some great advice which applies more to leaving child with grandparents or other family.. don't leave the child until they can communicate their needs.

That said, I left my son with my husband around 18 months for a night.

I can imagine you'll have a whole range of answers here as it's going to depend on the parent and the child. Guess the important question might well be what age are you comfortable? If you feel uncomfortable whatever age your children are then maybe it's just not the right time for you. Wouldn't let the herd or external pressures change your gut feeling on it.

I breastfed my eldest until she was 3.5 and I wouldn't have left her before then. I'm sure DH would have been able to manage looking after them if it was necessary, like me going into hospital. The only time I've been away overnight from my eldest was when I was in hospital having DC2, she was almost 4. They are 2 and 6 now and I wouldn't choose to go away without them, I don't have concerns for their safety but I just like being home with them every night. I don't go away with work and don't do any overnight trips with friends, so all our holidays are done as a family. Perhaps I'd consider it when they are older primary age.

About 18 months, well past breastfeeding and when they started sleeping better- don't think ether of us would have gone away for two nights before then

First born, complex medical issues Inc O2 and tube feeding, he was probably two. I left Friday night and by Sunday morning was in tears wanting to come home. But kept persevering and it got easier

Twins born just before COVID so no opportunity for ages, was probably a bit older but that's more about having three kids alone than any actual concerns

Teens maybe? Nothing to do with DH being incapable, I just wouldn't want to and I'd not enjoy it. Did one night away and hated it so not bothering again until they're all older.

Each to their own though, if they're will DH and you want to, go for it!!

Thank you for sharing your experiences. This has really helped me!

Rather begs the question why you'd have kids with a gaming addict who can't meet your child's needs. What happens if you die?

I trusted my husband with our daughter but she was so attached to me and so not bothered at all about him as a baby that if I had left her overnight with him she would have been distraught.

The first time it happened she was 4 and I had to spend a night in hospital. So she was old enough to understand I was coming back. I've since done a couple of overnight hotel trips for one night and she's been fine though does tell me she'll miss me before I go. In a few weeks she's going on holiday just her and my husband so will be away from me, age 6, for 4 nights. She is very excited but has told me a few times she'll miss me. I just reply that she'll be having too much fun to really miss me. And I'm quite looking forward to some time to myself!

True. I guess the issue is I do feel comfortable, but I don't know how DC will feel and so that's what I worried about.

My baby is 7 months and I couldn't imagine it at the moment. She's breastfed but I think I'd feel similar if she wasn't.

I guess I might want to go away for a night when she's about two or three, maybe, after I stop breastfeeding but I'm not that bothered about doing so. It's hard to predict how I'll feel in the future but one thing I feel strongly is that everyone is different and no one should be made to feel bad for not wanting to leave their little ones overnight if they don't want to.

Is that because you don't want to be away from them or because you couldn't rely on their father to do an adequate job. That makes a massive difference imo

Once rarely - 2 years. Regularly - 4.

For me it depends on the reason why I would be leaving them, not because DH couldn’t cope but because I would miss them.

It won't be bad for them. You can video call them if they ask for you, I send mine little videos with kisses so they can rewatch it etc. oldest is used to it and even the four year olds are very chill about it because they're used to Daddy doing care for them