Should I create a gift registry for my child's birthday?

[abcdefghijklopqrstuvwxyz]

My child's 3rd birthday is coming up and I need some advice on how to handle gifts from family and friends.

Previous gift giving (Birthdays, Christmas, sometimes just randomly for no special occasion etc.) have resulted in either:
a) gifts that we as a family try to avoid in our home (i.e. electronic gifts etc)
b) 2-3 things that are duplicates
c) gifts that are more expensive than we would have liked (as we don't want our children to be overly materialistic or to favor people that give more expensive gifts)
d) clothes being gifted that don't go with anything else in their wardrobe

How we've dealt with this in the past is just accepting it (in the case of d), not making a big deal of it (in the case of c; particularly as our children are still too young to understand) and selling/re-gifting/donating (in the case of a and b).

But we're a bit sick of our house being cluttered up with things we don't want (and the extra effort I have to go to re-homing some of these gifts). Unfortunately, asking family and friends not to gift something to our children is usually ignored (I get it, everyone loves giving gifts to children, I often do too).

So with our child's 3rd birthday coming up, I started thinking about creating a gift registry (with a website like Giftster, so that my family and friends can create lists for their own children to ensure that the gifts that we give them in return are also wanted).

But now I'm wondering if using a gift registry will result in our children not learning how to manage their emotions and reactions when receiving an unwanted gift.

So, should I create a gift registry for my child's birthday?

The problem here is that not everyone spends so little.

My parents and PIL have always spent more. So has my SIL (and us for her dcs).
Having an idea of what the child will enjoy and knowing it’s not going to end up at the back of the cupboard is nice. Otherwise the gift giving is only performative.

Personally I think an Amazon type wish list is fine for family and close friends. We've done that both ways and I prefer having a choice to buy for my niece's/nephews/closest friends. I add a variety of things to my child's list and therefore there is a choice of prices but I wouldn't send it to school/nursery friend party. I'd just say please don't worry about getting him a gift, just coming to the party is what he wants. If someone pushes twice I just say he loves any thing vehicle related or art and craft sets (as these can be picked up cheap!). It worked quite well for my son's last bday party and we only got a few duplicates toys and that was from people who didn't ask me (which is fine! and I plan to regift it for the next bday party we go to and others probably did the same from Xmas!)

Be gracious, say thank you.
Teach your child to do the same

I can assure you there certainly are worse things in life.

My sister did it to me and I found a miniature accordion for my niece that year. She played it all Christmas. My sister didn't do that again.

Sounds grabby tbh and overkill for a 3 year old!

Also laughing at (d) seriously??? We’ve just had a baby and received lots of lovely clothes of all types of style and colours it never occurred to me some of them may not go well with her other clothes!!! They’re so young it hardly matters!

And the fact taking a bag of unwanted gifts to the charity shop is so difficult!!! You can even book in charity collections to your own home now.

I don't see any issue with this. We use elfster throughout the year for present ideas. I would far rather buy something that's wanted - everyone ensures a range of prices in the wish list

Why do you want to steer away from this? Part of being young is expressing yourself by choosing clothes to wear each day. No one is going to judge a 3 year old for their choice of outfit.

When I was a kid I insisted on tucking jumpers/sweaters/cardigans into the top of my trousers. I looked ridiculous but that is what I wanted to do.

Nope - I’d probably ask if they would consider buying vouchers so that you can buy them things they’d like throughout the year ads they grow/develop and/or provide the gift receipts ‘in case of duplicates’.

How childish.

no

Can you talk to some family members and say we are hoping to build up a little library for them and ask them to gift them their favourite book?

I've done this at about 3, and again at 16 and it went well. Other years I mentioned Lego, crafts etc.

This.

It also serves as a shopping list/ reminder list for me and DH at birthday/ Christmas so we can easily add to the list through the year as we see/ think of things that would be a nice gift for DC. We also select from the list too, meaning it doubles up as a list for us and for others that ask. But agree we only share the list if people ask!!! Generally my DM and DB ask and occasionally friends will too.

also very important if you have a list like this to make sure there are a selection of cheap bits too. If everything is ££ it would look VERY grabby but in reality it is just practical.

But do you word it ‘there’s no need to bring a present’ or do you word it ‘please please don’t bring a present - we just don’t have the space ‘ People will ignore the first as they’ll think you’re being polite, but might comply with the second

Points to you - an accordion is far worse!
Mind you, we had mini bagpipes growing up - God knows who thought that was a good idea. Horrific.

My bil tried this. We ignored as it just came across as grabby etc. Also people give what they can. At that age a lot of what I took to parties was regifted/ new from charity shops etc because I couldn't afford to buy the volume of gifts for all the parties.

I think it’s a good idea. I’d much prefer this when getting things for others. Saves time and I’d rather get something that is wanted. I’d just phrase it, here’s a list of things X would like if you need ideas. I wouldn’t give rules like no this or that. In respect of the kids, I wouldn’t tell them about the list, so they don’t know.

But @abcdefghijklopqrstuvwxyz has the opposite problem people spending too much money on expensive stuff.

I think that having an Amazon wishlist (or a Word doc wishlist with pics/links/ideas in it*) containing a selection of gift ideas from £5 to £20 is perfectly acceptable to send to very close family such as the child's grandparents and aunts/uncles. I also tell them my child's clothing size in the run-up to Xmas as they can tend to buy things that will only fit for 6 months and I'd rather they bought the next size up.
Once the child is at school and having birthday parties with their class, some parents tend to ask you for gift ideas and some don't. Sometimes I give them an idea from the wishlist (around £5) or sometimes I just say a book would be great! They often ask "what's your child into" and I'll tell them e.g. dinosaurs, Harry Potter, etc.
*I like to do a Word doc wishlist rather than Amazon so that I can include links to any website and also other ideas/descriptions e.g. my daughter needs ballet clothes and shoes in XX size or my daughter is really into XXX so if you see any colouring/sticker books of that she'd love them!

This!!

The materialism in the statement ‘people buying clothes that don’t go with anything else in the wardrobe’ is interesting! I mean the childs 3 - she doesn’t care!!

Within our family, we have all set up Amazon wishlists. This means no one has the struggle of knowing what to get. I have things of all prices on there and when any friends ask for ideas I say we have a wishlist of they want to look and they always do.

It's always worked really well for us and we've been doing it for about 3/4 years now. A fair amount of my friends now do the same thing.

No

Rather than do an public itinerary, do a personal one. Encourage family and friends to ask what you'd like them to get, if they are wishing to buy gifts. I always ask my nieces and nephews mum because we ended up with duplicates. And it saves my time and money being wasted too. Makes much more sense to me.

For my son I screen grab things that I think he’ll like in the couple of months before his birthday or xmas - then I send them to my husband to share with his family, as an ‘in case you’re looking for ideas’ DS would love these. They love this and usually stick to the list (their kids are all older teenagers and we just send them cash so it’s helpful for them). I always send a range between £5 and £25. Nothing more expensive as he’s also 3. My mum goes mad so months in advance I place ideas about bigger things to try and steer her - but we always end up with a mountain of presents so I don’t worry too much and do the same sorting!

He got gifts from me so he had a couple to open.

At that age it's overwhelming to open a lot of gifts anyways.

It was neat though because he carried on the tradition of asking for donations and one year raised $800 for his charity. He was so excited and thankful to everyone.