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Original poster

Should I create a gift registry for my child's birthday?

125 replies

abcdefghijklopqrstuvwxyz · 08/03/2024 03:51

My child's 3rd birthday is coming up and I need some advice on how to handle gifts from family and friends.

Previous gift giving (Birthdays, Christmas, sometimes just randomly for no special occasion etc.) have resulted in either:
a) gifts that we as a family try to avoid in our home (i.e. electronic gifts etc)
b) 2-3 things that are duplicates
c) gifts that are more expensive than we would have liked (as we don't want our children to be overly materialistic or to favor people that give more expensive gifts)
d) clothes being gifted that don't go with anything else in their wardrobe

How we've dealt with this in the past is just accepting it (in the case of d), not making a big deal of it (in the case of c; particularly as our children are still too young to understand) and selling/re-gifting/donating (in the case of a and b).

But we're a bit sick of our house being cluttered up with things we don't want (and the extra effort I have to go to re-homing some of these gifts). Unfortunately, asking family and friends not to gift something to our children is usually ignored (I get it, everyone loves giving gifts to children, I often do too).

So with our child's 3rd birthday coming up, I started thinking about creating a gift registry (with a website like Giftster, so that my family and friends can create lists for their own children to ensure that the gifts that we give them in return are also wanted).

But now I'm wondering if using a gift registry will result in our children not learning how to manage their emotions and reactions when receiving an unwanted gift.

So, should I create a gift registry for my child's birthday?

OP posts:
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Moier · 08/03/2024 11:45

Get a Go Henry account ..ask them to put money in..then can buy what they want.. all 4 Grandkids have one. So easy and they love handing over their card at the checkout.. buying their own gift.

LittleOwl153 · 08/03/2024 11:48

blobby10 · 08/03/2024 07:58

When my boys were that age they loved their brio wooden railway but it was quite expensive to buy additional track etc so we just asked everyone to get something for that! Admittedly now , 20 years later I have a huge box of the stuff waiting for grandchildren but hey ho 🤣🤣

This was what I was going to suggest. Find a collectable that your child shows interest in particularly if it js something grandparent has interst in too that can be bought in stages.... Brio trains and Playmobil come to mind or book/magazine series Storybox is a good starting point. Or buy the kid a zoo pass or another local attraction - all the better if grandparents can take them sometimes?

We have amazon lists... but mine are 10/14 and it started when they were first into book series... so there'd be a series of 10 books, kid had the first one but would like the set. We still do that now - utilising amazon marketplace too where possible as I have 2 avid readers! So I don't think gift registers are awful but I think you need to be careful how you word it. A suggestions list, an idea of what kid is into etc fine... you can only buy from this list is a bit...

(Oh and the Christmas tshirt. My 10yr old still chooses chistmas socks regularly...)

Beansandneedles · 08/03/2024 11:50

MississippiAF · 08/03/2024 05:33

Just let them keep what they’re given, like everyone else? Doesn’t need to be such a big deal.

'everyone else' is a very confident assumption!

Like OP I have a small home, dislike clutter and on top of that have severe climate anxiety. I also feel awful when someone has spent time and money thinking of and buying a gift which we do not want or need. Feels nuts to me that you're not entitled to say what would work for you and your family, especially with family or friends who are going to hopefully be on this journey with you for years and years out of some societal norm on what it means to be polite and grateful. I only want to buy people things they want and need, all I ask is for the same courtesy or if you don't feel able to do that then I would far prefer your presence to your present.

OP the wording on most of my birthday invites has been something like....

'We'd genuinely prefer your presence to presents! However if you're the type who feels uncomfortable arriving empty handed we'd love contributions to the dressing up box. Raid your local charity shop and bring us some gems*! Or perhaps you'd consider giving a fiver for our little five year old. He is currently saving for a trip to Legoland later in the year so all gifts will go towards that.

*Tweak this for what is in vogue at the time. We've had dolls clothes, art supplies, pez inserts, matchbox cars etc. Mostly though by now people turn up with a homemade card and that's more than enough.

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graceinspace999 · 08/03/2024 11:53

Ugh 😩
Give any duplicate presents away to charities that look after less fortunate kids than yours.

MississippiAF · 08/03/2024 12:03

Climate anxiety 🥴

AutumnCrow · 08/03/2024 12:24

Dacadactyl · 08/03/2024 07:04

Unless you are Petra Ecclestone, a gift list for a 3 year old is bonkers.

And all the unwanted gifts go into a big box in the pantry annexe and the staff are told to help themselves.

ohdamnitjanet · 09/03/2024 06:22

If I was sent a gift register for a 3 yr old I’d be forced to buy a drum kit.

Kwasi · 09/03/2024 07:27

Amazon wish lists are a lot more common than gift registries. I think people would be fine with it. Between my friends and family, we’ve always asked what the kids want; it works well for us.

missfliss · 09/03/2024 07:33

Short answer: no, just no.

User19792 · 09/03/2024 07:44

Say no gifts and ask for donations to a local children's charity instead. You do know the gifts are for your 3 yo thou, not you. Who gives a shit really, it's alls o precious and ridiculous. Kids with co ordinating wardrobes, give me strength.

wanderingthroughlife · 09/03/2024 07:59

AmeliaSmallhope · 08/03/2024 06:08

Hmm.

We have ongoing Amazon wishlists for the DC that, essentially, consist of possible gifts at a range of prices from £5 up.

But, we only share this with people who ask us for gift ideas for the DC.
I wouldn’t send out links to people who weren’t asking for suggestions.

Exactly this 👆

Amazon wish list starting at items around, £5 up to about £30 (as that's what's family spend) but we only send the link (view only so they can't edit it) if someone asks what to get them. Once someone has chosen, we add a note to the item with the persons name who has/will be buying it otherwise I forgot who's getting what 🤦🏻‍♀️. I often also add a note to the item if I have seen it cheaper elsewhere or if it doesn't have to be that's exact toy e.g. different colour etc.

Presents from nursery/friends we just accept what is given. Keep it for a while but if doesn't get used we donate it to charity.

cuckyplunt · 09/03/2024 08:01

Bloody Hell!
I have definitely been on this planet too long!

jasminocereusbritannicus · 09/03/2024 08:03

I do t understand this way of thinking at all. A gift is something people go out of their way to buy because they think the recipient will like it. So what if it’s a duplicate??? You teach your child to smile , say “ Thank you, that’s so kind”, and when the the dust has settled, donate/regift/sell. Just because something is not to your taste doesn’t mean you should control what is given! As for gifted clothes not matching what’s in your child’s wardrobe… I have no words.

When my kids were little all donations were gratefully received , mostly because finances were tight and something was better than nothing at all.

And I just don’t understand how children’s things are perceived as “clutter”. I prefer a home to look lived in, not like a show house.

But that’s me.

Umidontknow · 09/03/2024 08:03

I'm sorry but this post seems quite pretentious- clothes that don't go with their wardrobe 🙄 come on. As for duplicates or unwanted just take to the charity shop or regift if you can't be bothered to resell.

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/03/2024 08:09

I think a registry or list could work if all the things on it are low-cost. I don't see how anyone can call you "grabby" if the most expensive thing on there costs a fiver.

I think also that if it's framed as "if you are unsure of what to get for Joe, here is an Amazon list", that will sit better than "please stick to the list". People don't like being ordered around.

I really struggle with gift-buying and much prefer a list. That way I know that the money I spent has been well-spent, as well as not having to somehow mindread the recipient and deal with decision paralysis in the sensory hellscape that is a typical shop.

The lessons in how to receive an unwanted gift graciously don't require large numbers of unwanted gifts at age three to teach.

I am astonished that, on an overheating planet in the middle of a cost of living crisis, people are more worried about what other people think than about wasting money and resources. Spared feelings aren't going to stop the ice caps from melting!

2GMom · 09/03/2024 08:12

Just do a fiver party. Ask everyone to put £5 in a card and the child can buy something they actually want with the money.

Beansandneedles · 09/03/2024 08:20

jasminocereusbritannicus · 09/03/2024 08:03

I do t understand this way of thinking at all. A gift is something people go out of their way to buy because they think the recipient will like it. So what if it’s a duplicate??? You teach your child to smile , say “ Thank you, that’s so kind”, and when the the dust has settled, donate/regift/sell. Just because something is not to your taste doesn’t mean you should control what is given! As for gifted clothes not matching what’s in your child’s wardrobe… I have no words.

When my kids were little all donations were gratefully received , mostly because finances were tight and something was better than nothing at all.

And I just don’t understand how children’s things are perceived as “clutter”. I prefer a home to look lived in, not like a show house.

But that’s me.

I guess, and I say this kindly in a way where I like to learn about others, that that's how I was raised too. But it was the 80's and 90's where we didn't have the information about how damaging consumerism and commercialism that we have today. Humans adapt and evolve all the time. Maybe it's time for a shift? Rather than it being understood that you'll accept anything you're given with a polite smile and thanks, instead it's polite to check in advance before you purchase a gift. That doesn't feel outlandish to me. But as you say, that's me!

Beansandneedles · 09/03/2024 08:24

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 09/03/2024 08:09

I think a registry or list could work if all the things on it are low-cost. I don't see how anyone can call you "grabby" if the most expensive thing on there costs a fiver.

I think also that if it's framed as "if you are unsure of what to get for Joe, here is an Amazon list", that will sit better than "please stick to the list". People don't like being ordered around.

I really struggle with gift-buying and much prefer a list. That way I know that the money I spent has been well-spent, as well as not having to somehow mindread the recipient and deal with decision paralysis in the sensory hellscape that is a typical shop.

The lessons in how to receive an unwanted gift graciously don't require large numbers of unwanted gifts at age three to teach.

I am astonished that, on an overheating planet in the middle of a cost of living crisis, people are more worried about what other people think than about wasting money and resources. Spared feelings aren't going to stop the ice caps from melting!

Edited

I am astonished that, on an overheating planet in the middle of a cost of living crisis, people are more worried about what other people think than about wasting money and resources. Spared feelings aren't going to stop the ice caps from melting!

FINALLY!!! Yes!

SandyWaves · 09/03/2024 08:25

You want to create a gift registry for a 3 year old!

This would annoy me so much.

Are you throwing a party in a loving way, wanting to celebrate your child and have people there that you want there?

Or is this an opportunity for you to cash in? Thats the way i would see it.

Kids get lovely gifts, others that are crap. Its the way it is. Don't dictate what people should be gifting. If people send you a message asking what your child would like, you can say they like peppa or whatever. Then let them choose something that they can afford.

Can't believe you are even considering this.

GreatGateauxsby · 09/03/2024 08:26

Honestly when you crack the code let me know

I have tried amazon wish lists... bank accounts... giving specific items when asked.
all on repeat ahead of birthday and Christmas.
we still end up with pointless shit i have to manage. Mil doesn't like stickerbooks art supplies or playdoh she like big glory gifts.
She bought an giant doll house for dds 2nd birthday

Clothing is probably the least bothersome gift. It takes up not much room and i can easily remove from home. So i suggest that now.

I hate that Dh challenges me on plastic junk and soft toys. Also bulky items...on the basis they were gifts so must be kept arghhhhhh

Chitterlina · 09/03/2024 08:33

World’s gone mad. Three years old!

What about the pleasure it gives people to buy and give a pressie (“gifting” my arse)?

Although - have to admit, a giant dolls house for a two year old would be annoying. You’d hope grandparents would talk to the parents for an idea or two.

Spirael · 09/03/2024 08:34

We all use Amazon wish lists in my family, simply for practical reasons.

Makes birthdays and Christmas much easier as you can just go and pick something that you know the recipient will like, and where relevant is approved by their parent! (If a karaoke machine is on the list then it's fair game. 😁)

Also means you receive something you actually want, rather than having to show fake gratitude for something you're already trying to work out how to dispose of.

The other benefit is for the endless "Mum, can I have..." conversations, you can agree to add it to their wish list. Then you review the wish list with the child as an event approaches, and clear out all the bits they've since lost interest in.

bradpittsbathwater · 09/03/2024 08:35

For a third party? No way. I'd only expect this for a wedding! I only usually spend £5-£10 on a child's toy. I'd hate to be dictated to like that. It does come across as greedy.

bradpittsbathwater · 09/03/2024 08:36

The whole thing sounds so controlling. It's just a few cheap gifts for a child

BlueSkyBlueLife · 09/03/2024 08:37

Tbh having a list of ideas of what the child would like is pretty normal.
Both my parents and PIL have asked at Christmas and birthdays what the dcs would like (and would work for us too!)
They also wouldn’t have bought stuff like electronics wo asking us first because they both knew electronics isn’t something we’ve been keen on.

So I can’t say I have an issue with what you want to do.

The issue is more the way you are going to present it.

Seeing that it’s a bit of a ‘family issue’ (as ‘what am I going to buy to dniece and dnephew this time’ that will work for them and parents), what about having a conversation about it as a family? An Amazon wish list feels less ‘grabby’ but does the same thing. So does a list sent on WhatsApp (which is closer to what we do) - but people need to talk to each other 😂😂
Id still leave a lot of leeway. It gives some surprise effect which is good for everyone imo. And allows (grand parents in particular) people to treat them if they want.