Should I create a gift registry for my child's birthday?

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My child's 3rd birthday is coming up and I need some advice on how to handle gifts from family and friends.

Previous gift giving (Birthdays, Christmas, sometimes just randomly for no special occasion etc.) have resulted in either:
a) gifts that we as a family try to avoid in our home (i.e. electronic gifts etc)
b) 2-3 things that are duplicates
c) gifts that are more expensive than we would have liked (as we don't want our children to be overly materialistic or to favor people that give more expensive gifts)
d) clothes being gifted that don't go with anything else in their wardrobe

How we've dealt with this in the past is just accepting it (in the case of d), not making a big deal of it (in the case of c; particularly as our children are still too young to understand) and selling/re-gifting/donating (in the case of a and b).

But we're a bit sick of our house being cluttered up with things we don't want (and the extra effort I have to go to re-homing some of these gifts). Unfortunately, asking family and friends not to gift something to our children is usually ignored (I get it, everyone loves giving gifts to children, I often do too).

So with our child's 3rd birthday coming up, I started thinking about creating a gift registry (with a website like Giftster, so that my family and friends can create lists for their own children to ensure that the gifts that we give them in return are also wanted).

But now I'm wondering if using a gift registry will result in our children not learning how to manage their emotions and reactions when receiving an unwanted gift.

So, should I create a gift registry for my child's birthday?

No they seem really grabby imo; I know it seems practical and does make sense but I can’t help finding it rubs me up the wrong way. I think it seems entitled somehow. I do agree the alternative is a lot of regifting : charity donations so maybe I need to change my thinking. Perhaps asking for a small charity donation or even a very very low amount towards one big thing so you don’t seem grabby? Like 5-10 max?

I would consider a gift register for anything a bit grabby, but especially for a 3 year old.

We are clearly different though, as the whole ‘wardrobe’ thing isn’t something we care about. Our son goes to nursery and often has a change of either top or bottom from things like messy play or potty training so we accept a mismatch anyway.

What i’m puzzled about is why you’re not having an open conversation with your friends and family? My friends and family usually ask me what my son needs or wants.

Definitely grabby! As a PP said. Just have a conversation. Or why not set up a back account and family could put money in that instead.

I don’t know about a gift registry but if you are sending out invites for a party I would put a note to ask if they would like ideas for gifts to let you know and then send it to those who ask.

Christ no.

If people’s gifts aren’t to your liking, just tell them kindly that they don’t need to give anything. Or suck it up and regift/ charity shop it.

“DC has lots of toys / clothes at the moment, it’s a bit overwhelming! Please don’t feel you need to bring them anything. If you’d really like to we have set up a little savings account for them.” DC is only 3. They will understand concept of opening a present but not that party automatically = present to open from everyone!

I think rather than a register for a specific occasion, where it might come across that you're expecting to receive everything on it, it's maybe more acceptable to have eg an Amazon wishlist that you maintain ongoing, and just share it with people who ask.

Thanks for all of your responses!
I was worried about how grabby gift registries feel. But we have asked family and friends not to give any gifts before and it hasn't worked to stem the tide of unwanted gifts. I guess I'll just have to continue to sell, re-gift and donate the unwanted gifts. Oh well, there could be worse things in life.

Just let them keep what they’re given, like everyone else? Doesn’t need to be such a big deal.

Unfortunately we only have so much space in our house, lol. Plus, duplicates of the same thing don't get any use.

I did a $2 party. Friends of mine with twins did this first.

I asked people to bring $2, and $1 went to ds to buy something special, and $1 to a charity that saved his life.

It worked great.

I love this idea!
Thank you for the suggestion.

We do this in my family (gift registry) for kids presents. But we have a clear agreement on the max cost of each item etc. I think because it’s reciprocal it works fine and we are quite open about saying “no he/she won’t like this” etc. It’s to save people wasting their money.

Just give them to charity - or keep and regift for when your child gets invited to other children's parties.
A gift registery for a 3 year old screams controlling parents.

To be honest if it's close friends and family and you've had this problem before then I don't see any thing wrong with an Amazon wish list. You can say that you add things to it that you are thinking of getting them for Christmas etc and if they want to look at it that's fine.

Hmm.

We have ongoing Amazon wishlists for the DC that, essentially, consist of possible gifts at a range of prices from £5 up.

But, we only share this with people who ask us for gift ideas for the DC.
I wouldn’t send out links to people who weren’t asking for suggestions.

For a 3 year old? Sorry but at this age it’s nice to
open a few presents? My 3 year old would have no idea what it means to have £15.

You are overthinking this. Do an amazon wishlist if someone asks and sell duplicates/unwanted clothes. The whole wardrobe thing for a 3 year old is precious. Also you can’t dictate what people want to spend and I doubt a 3 year old favours peoe
who give bigger gifts!! Mine forgets after 3mins who the gift is from and his favourite gifts are always small toys by his older sibling.

For things like duplicate gifts, places like baby and clothing banks will always appreciate donations of these things. Or things are good to regift for other kids.

My kids’ great grandparents often buy clothes that are the wrong age, but thankfully they also give gift receipts.

We have an Amazon wish list and most of my family ask what mine would like so I send a link to the wish list and suggest they choose from there.. allowing for them to still 'pick' as there are 20 or so items. I don't if not asked though

And bear in mind that most don't want to buy 'useful' stuff, just toys or clothes with tv characters on them

If you're more into learning toys etc then board games/toys which encourage turn taking aren't a bad shout to be on the list.

Tricky if absolutely no one asks though. In which case possibly I would contact those who buy the most (e.g. not an aunt who buys one £10-15 item, but a grandparent who buys multiple items) and mention the duplicates and wanting to avoid waste.

Having a look at the book list suggestions for the school your child will go to in the future and including some of those books isn't a bad idea too :)

Just ask for books and 'consumables' like paint and play-doh.

I think it's a bit cringe personally. But for the parties Ds usually goes to, most parents ask in advance what the child might like, so maybe you could start that culture in your circle

Unless you are Petra Ecclestone, a gift list for a 3 year old is bonkers.

Ffs no. How bizarre.

The best bit though was:
clothes being gifted that don't go with anything else in their wardrobe

Take it OP’s child has not as yet developed a sense of independence with choice of clothing. At 3yo mine generally looked like a colourblind person that had dressed in the dark with very eclectic pairings. They looked hideous much of the time, but the point being they thought they looked fabulous in the clothing combination they had chosen, so who’s to argue🤣. Unless they are going to a wedding or something, who gives a shit, so the ‘wardrobe issue’ has me tickled pink.

Saved me typing. This.

Ridiculous!