Should I create a gift registry for my child's birthday?

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My child's 3rd birthday is coming up and I need some advice on how to handle gifts from family and friends.

Previous gift giving (Birthdays, Christmas, sometimes just randomly for no special occasion etc.) have resulted in either:
a) gifts that we as a family try to avoid in our home (i.e. electronic gifts etc)
b) 2-3 things that are duplicates
c) gifts that are more expensive than we would have liked (as we don't want our children to be overly materialistic or to favor people that give more expensive gifts)
d) clothes being gifted that don't go with anything else in their wardrobe

How we've dealt with this in the past is just accepting it (in the case of d), not making a big deal of it (in the case of c; particularly as our children are still too young to understand) and selling/re-gifting/donating (in the case of a and b).

But we're a bit sick of our house being cluttered up with things we don't want (and the extra effort I have to go to re-homing some of these gifts). Unfortunately, asking family and friends not to gift something to our children is usually ignored (I get it, everyone loves giving gifts to children, I often do too).

So with our child's 3rd birthday coming up, I started thinking about creating a gift registry (with a website like Giftster, so that my family and friends can create lists for their own children to ensure that the gifts that we give them in return are also wanted).

But now I'm wondering if using a gift registry will result in our children not learning how to manage their emotions and reactions when receiving an unwanted gift.

So, should I create a gift registry for my child's birthday?

Definitely grabby. You thank people for their gift. If you don’t consider it’s appropriate, you give it to a charity shop. Most presents will be child appropriate but may be not of your choosing.

Well isn't your child lucky!
Just make a short list of a few suggestions, or ask your family if they could club together to buy one more expensive gift, like a bicycle. Gift from other kids - you can't do anything as most will be giving something worth £5-10. You could give the duplicates to charity.
A gift list is unbelievable for a child's birthday party unless you are a Kardashian.

I know you're not serious about a gift registry.

If you don't want a gift just chuck it straight in the bin thats what i used to do.

Have always sent birthday party invitations out saying " **is very excited to celebrate their birthday with your child/ren. We don't expect any gifts so please don't feel obligated to purchase a present. However if you should like to contribute towards a larger gift ( sure is saving for xxx) , £1 taped inside a card is plenty "

For family we would tell them what the latest trend was and send some ideas if requested but most of my family are close and so we know what the kids like and are into and what is in there wish list.

I also prefer to pay the vast majority of birthday and curtains money into premium bonds or a savings. My niblings get £5-10 gift and then £20 into savings for Xmas and birthdays.

I wouldn't do a gift register but I would give guidance on gifts that would be helpful.

I am quite happy to ask people what they want for their birthdays and Christmas and then when it's coming up to mine or my daughters I ask if they need any directions

For my daughters first Christmas when she was 4 months I made a list. We did need want read and wear for our own presents for her and for my family I made a list of a couple of wants and a couple of needs and suggestions for clothes that would be helpful. I haven't done it since but they do follow the ethos I set out here. They often check in whether their ideas are ok. Except the time my sister bought her a paddling pool during a drought and hosepipe bans!

I think this thread is the definition of the mumsnet stereotype which I had always heard of long before I ever ventured to the board.
Thank you for giving me a good laugh.

I add to Giftster throughout the year for the children and me when I see things that we might like. Wide range of prices, things that would be useful as well as fun. I then share with different family members. My SIL for example is very anxious about buying something that the children would like so it's really helpful for her. My in laws tend to choose things themselves which is fine too. I don't announce it or anything, I just send to them if they ask.

As for duplicate gifts, I have a present drawer that I keep for other birthdays.

Couldn't help laughing at this as well

Initially I thought it seemed grabby but thinking about it, it's great! We were recently sent a gift list for a friend of my daughters and it was so easy. I didn't have to dedicate any mental energy to it; just clicked on something in budget and voila! So now I'm a big fan! Plus means you can have a range of price ideas and stuff that goes together like she has the bluey house and sets to go with it. I'm converted

A family members little one has their birthday right next to Christmas so this year they asked for more experience day type things or vouchers. I thought this was nice and bought them a gift voucher for a local safari park. Most people bought a voucher for book shops etc as we all understood where they were coming from.
I’m not sure I’d be too keen to be given a gift registry for a family member or friend’s child but would rather be told what the child would like instead.
Failing that, growing up my parents always donated duplicate toys and I’ve carried that on with my own children.

Sorry I think it is a terrible idea.
People buying the gifts have a right to choose how they spend their money. They might ask for ideas of what to buy but that's as far as it should go.
A three year olds birthday is not like a wedding.
Besides you might find that some gifts they receive might be more creative and welcomed than something you would put on a list.

Reading about gifting habits in other people's families always makes me so grateful for mine.

Everyone just asks me 'What would G like for his birthday/Christmas?' I say either 'Oh he doesn't need anything thanks' and then they don't buy anything as requested or 'Thanks, he'd like X gift/needs this item of clothing/this book' and then they buy that thing.

I then in turn ask what my nieces and nephews would like.

We get no duplicates, no one wastes money, no feelings get hurt and nothing has to go to charity. Easy.

I really like what you do with the invitation 👍
As for our families, both my husband and I come from large families (each has a parent that was one of 7-8 kids, so we have dozens of cousins, aunts, uncles etc). It makes it difficult to keep up with all of the kids' interests. And it's why I'd love to be handed a gift registry with any birthday invitation I receive 🤷

I think it’s fine to make a gift registry for family and close friends. Thankfully most of mine ask what DC would like, but some don’t and they do end up with things they won’t use/ wear (my DD got some dresses for Christmas but she doesn’t like wearing dresses so they just end up donated to charity).

I wouldn’t send the list to school/ nursery friends though. The amount of presents is overwhelming and I wish it was more common to just put £5 in a card.

I'd just talk to family tbh. Ours always ask us what to get the kids so I have an Amazon wish list that I can send them to, with instructions for one present only (FIL would buy everything otherwise!) and if they want to spend more money for savings. Helps avoid duplicate or noisy toys and they find it helpful

I save the unsuitable stuff and re-gift. You will have a million parties to attend once they start school and this will save you a fortune.
just make a note of who gave it too you so you don’t regift to the same person 🤣

Also the excitement of buying for kids soon wears off. Soon they will just start giving you money (in my experience)

A you open a saving account or premium bond account for them and give relatives the details? This is what we have done with grandparents.

You can only ask for specific gifts from very close relatives like grandparents I think or people who ask for ideas. We had this problem with grandparents who kept buying my autistic child Lego when he would either ignore it or try and put the pieces in his mouth. I made some gentle suggestions that were mostly ignored but one time they got him something that I suggested and he really loved it. So now they ask for a list of sensory toys before his birthday and Christmas.

Instead of guiding to gifts, for school/nursery parties a parent would take turns in finding out what large present the child would like and a bunch of children (parents!) would chip in and get that as a joint present. Rarely did everyone chip in so there were still a few small presents to open as well as the big one. Made life so much easier.

For family, tell them if they are looking for ideas we are saving up for X (very expensive) item so contributions to that would be absolutely amazing. Probably easier for older children though, in all honesty. A 10 year getting one huge LEGO present that costs $80 is much more fun for them than 5 much smaller sets.

I actually think the Giftster idea for family sounds great but definitely suggest it as an idea for the whole family not just your child.

If most people are up for it then set it up. If they're not then don't.

Bad idea in my opinion.

There is always someone who will want the gifts you don't. Charities etc.

A gift list is cheeky but you could say please don't spend more than £15.

It's fine for you to not buy electronic gifts for them but you can't veto what others buy. It creates memories. 'Aunty X always bought me this treat when I normally wouldn't be allowed'

I recently had a party invite by wattsap and she very usefully said please no XYZ ( slime, playdoh, pens) . I thought really good. I told people PLEASE no more pens/ pencils for my child's birthday.
State what you don't want , rather than a list of requests. I think this will sit better with people and any sane human would understand.

I think there's a middle ground here. I have an Amazon wish list for my DD. It started as a way for me to keep track of things I thought she would like. This year, if people asked for present suggestions for her I would say something like "she loves board games and books, or I have an Amazon wish list for her if you'd like it". Most people said yes please to the wish list, which meant she got presents I was sure she'd like. I just kept an eye on it and topped it up with new suggestions if it was getting low. I made sure there were things on there ranging from about £5 up to about £20.

Some people ran with the game idea and we did end up with three copies of Guess Who but it's no big deal. I put the duplicates in the present cupboard and ordered DD a couple of other games that she hadn't been bought as replacements. We'll use the duplicates as presents for her friends for parties next year.

Other people didn't ask or bought her random things (school friends particularly). She got a few things I'd never have thought of that she loves and a couple of things that were quietly slipped away.

I wouldn't have suggested the gift list to anyone unless I was asked though, as that feels a bit rude.