I work my life around my son - is this wrong?

[DB1991]

I have a son who will be 2 in June. We had a bit of a rough start because he was in the neonatal unit until he was 15 days old then had terrible reflux until at least 9 months. He is my first child and I will admit I struggled a bit, I don’t have many friends or family with young children apart from my cousin who has two boys, now in primary school which brings me on to this... at Christmas last year she fell out with me because she bought my son a Christmas present and I didn’t buy anything for her boys. I hadn’t long moved house and I had little money. I work part time now and while my husband works, our mortgage is high due to inflation just now. I tried to explain this to her but she didn’t want to know.

Instead brought up the fact I didn’t go to her Christmas party in November. I had said that I couldn’t go because she lives far away and it clashed with my son’s nap time. I am quite strict in that if I can get my son to nap in his bed then I’d prefer to do that as opposed to a car nap, since he only has one nap a day now. She basically said that her kids fitted around her life, not the other way around and the way I was doing things was wrong.

This has bothered me because I now wonder have I been doing things wrong and worry about how that will impact my son’s behaviour as he gets older. I have anxiety issues and sticking to routine helps me maintain that anxiety. There will always be days where things don’t go to plan for whatever reason and I try to manage that as best I can. I try my best every day for my son, but can’t help but wonder now if I’ve been doing the wrong thing all along.

MN usually isn't a great place for this kind of feedback as most of the people on here are very much about not putting themselves out for anyone else (just look at the wedding, guests, family or friendship threads, so take the comments with a grain of salt.

Hi @DB1991

I'm totally with you on the napping. Unless my son had a decent nap in his bed then he would be an absolute nightmare for the rest of the day. It just wasn't worth the tears. Luckily most of my friends had children same age so it helped across the board really. He turns 4 this week and sleeps brilliantly every night. I have just had another baby in December and plan to do the same. I don't give a monkeys toss about people's opinions because if they want to come over when he's not sleeping or over tired then be my guest.

I have just had another baby in December and plan to do the same.

Just wondering how this will work, thinking back to the time mine were small. What if your baby's nap time is exactly when DC1 needs to be picked up from school? Older child he can't go to a friend's birthday because baby is napping at that time?
I've found that second and subsequent children often don't absolutely "need" the most strictest nap schedule and are curiously more flexible and adaptable.

My son is due to start school this year so at the moment this isn't a problem.

I guess like you say things will probably change for me as and when he starts school and the parties pick up. Gulp

I think it really depends heavily on the child. I think people who say their child would sleep anywhere and was a really great napper probably just got lucky. I have one who needed a strict routine or there'd be hell to pay and one who would nap where ever she fancied and still sleep 12 hours at night. It had feck all to do with my parenting, it's just the way they were

@DifferentAlgebra I never said that how I raised my children was perfect, nor that it was the only way to go. Only saying that it worked and still works for our family, and that I don't feel restricted nor unhappy. I think every family should decide for themselves how they want to raise their children, it's absolutely none of my or anybody else's business. I only wanted to encourage the OP to follow her own heart ánd mind and decide for herself, not because a person from her family outs criticism. About your question what I did with my children and now do with my grandchildren : things like put them in the car and drive to the seaside,for a wednesday afternoon surprise, take them to musea with dinosours, organise playdates with (yes!) grandchildren of friends, have paint&glue afternoons etc. Again, because I can and I want. What other people do is none of my affairs! So, sorry if I offended you 🤷🏼‍♀️

I do this in regard naps, I like to have time to relax during nap rather than be driving. If it was something really important I might do it but probably not if it’s far away, that’s just how I feel at the moment with an almost 2 year old, it keeps me sane and I like that he’s never too cranky also. I have a friend with older kids that expects me to be available and flexible but she’s forgotten that when her child was young she never went out! Each to their own but I think the responses on here are harsh, anxiety isn’t pleasant and whilst you shouldn’t avoid things because of it I think it’s good to know what you feel better doing and who needs excess stress with a 2 year old!