5 year old son is very girly

[overmummy2701]

Hi,

My 5 year old son is very girly. He has a lot of girl friends, some boy friends, but mainly plays with girls.

He's constantly acting like a little girl and it upsets me, as I'm worried about the future he may face.

Is this just a phase? Can he tell whether he wants to be a girl now?

I ask him now if he is a boy or girl and he always tells me he's a boy and loves girls, but I'm just concerned.

Please - no judgement.

What does “acting like a little girl” mean to you?

I'm afraid I'm not sure I understand your concern. You have a little boy who is defying gender stereotypes - why is this an issue?

Why are you asking him if he is a boy or a girl - of course he's a boy. His sex is not determined by who or what he plays with, or what he likes to wear.

Boys can like stereotypically female things and vice versa. Stop being so sexist!

YABU, he is a child acting as a child. What on earth is acting like a girl?

We all just want our children to be happy. It sounds like he is - don't borrow tomorrow's problems. Keep allowing him to be who he is and loving him unconditionally and that will put him in the best position to grow up happy. If he is trans then he is, and there isn't anything you could do about it anyway. Just lots of support and love for him ❤️

Why would you ask your little boy if he is a girl? How confusing for him.

He's acting like him.

He's who he is.

You'll confuse the poor boy by trying to make him think being him means he isn't him and asking him questions like "are you a boy or girl".

Let him be the fabulous self he is and make sure he grows up confident and comfortable for who that is.

He's a boy and always will be even if he like doing things that aren't typically boyish. Stop asking him if he's a girl or a boy.

What do you mean by acting girly?

He's five years old and not constrained by gender stereotypes. He's a boy and nothing that he plays with or wears will change that. Let him enjoy playing whatever he wants to, plenty of boys love tutus at 5 and grow up to be rugby players at 15.

Would you have the same concerns if you had a daughter that was a tom boy?

This is meant kindly, but I would not be focusing on it asking him whether he thinks he is a boy or girl. The fact is that he is a boy and he likes playing with girls. That is OK. There's nothing wrong with that. Boys can play with girls and like traditionally girly things. It does not mean he wants to be or thinks he is a girl. As a parent I would make sure he is exposed to a wide range of books, toys, sports, exercise and experiences and don't worry about it if he appears to break gender stereotypes.

Please don't ask him whether he's a boy or a girl, he's 5 years old, for crying out loud! Stop stressing about how he should act! Would you be the same if he was a girl and a bit "tomboyish"?! My godson wanted dolls and his own little vacuum when he was 5; my goddaughter wanted to play football with the boys at that age! They all go through these stages. Let him be who he wants to be, he'll forge his own path in life, at the end of the day, just be his mum!

Aside from his other behaviours you are creating confusion in him by asking a 5yr old whether he's a boy or a girl? you're his mum, don't you know what you gave birth too?

You lost me at 'I ask him now if he is a boy or girl and he always tells me he's a boy'.... Jesus fucking christ

He is right - he’s a boy who likes girls and there’s nothing wrong with that.

My DD wasn't stereotypically girly. She just played with the toys and children she found fun and interesting. She's still a girl, just like your son is still a boy, whatever he likes doing! Please don't worry about your little boy, he sounds lovely and completely normal.

I ask him now if he is a boy or girl

Yes because that's a completely normal and sane way to parent a five year old.

Oh wait...

I'm genuinely wondering op what acting like a little girl means to you? Ds has dolls, a baby to bath and put to bed and a tea set. Fil was a little put out but toys don't have gender and children learn a variety of skills from a variety of toys. I want my ds to have what he needs to learn a wide range of skills.

It sounds like he's a normal child who's making friends and socialising with his peers. My nephews best friends in primary school are both girls and it wouldn't give me the slightest concern.

If you're regularly asking him if he is a boy or a girl I do think you might risk putting your own concerns onto him since you've said you're asking because you're concerned and upset by his behaviours.

I fully believe your ds will be who he is going to be. It's not your job to figure that part out for him regardless of what way it goes. It's your job to help him grow up feeling loved and fully accepted for who he is. To make sure he grows up confident in who he is and has all the opportunities and support he needs to figure the rest out for himself.

I think you need to relax op, you asking him isn't going to change the outcome in my opinion, but you might risk pressuring him to hide his identity because you are judging him even if you don't mean to. If you want to genuinely support him then accept him, don't enforce gender stereotypes on him and let him be his own individual.

If it's any help I was a real tomboy at primary school, no Barbie's but action men , never played with girls always boys .
I'm very girly now . I just happened to prefer the boys in my class as friends rather than the girls so therefore played with their toys .

I wouldn't worry .

I have two girls. Just placemarking to find out what acting girly is all about

I have a thread in LGBT children about my son you may find helpful.

He's not "acting girly" though, because that isn't a thing.

If you had a girl, who was a tomboy, liked climbing trees and playing with diggers, would you feel the same?

And?!...🤷🏼‍♀️🤨🤔

I think the problem here is that in your mind you’ve equated having female friends and acting in a typically feminine way as being the exclusive domain of girls and women.

Boys and men can have female friends, enjoy activities seen as feminine and act in a feminine way. It very reductive to think that this means they must be trans.

Embrace him for who is, make sure he knows he is free to behave as he wants to behave without judgement or labelling.

As he gets older it’s possible he could identify as trans. Or not. But labelling him at this age isn’t the answer.

Not a real Fred is it.