Actually your previous example Anna where the family all wants to go for a walk but your dd doesn't so she gets to stay at home and an adult has to stay with her is not consensus it is about one 3 year old getting her own way which entails the disppointment of the one adult who wanted to go for a walk and now can't and the disruption of family unity.
I am all for games, communication, trying to get the children to see other points of view when you are trying to get a child to do something she doesn't want to but sometimes nothing works and yes, you need to pull rank. You are the adult, they are the child. You are allowed to do this and you need to do this or children will get the message that they if they sulk or pull a tantrum or (it sounds like in your house simply say they don't want to do something as in your dd not wanting to go for a walk) then they will get their own way.
Like Cod, I'm a teacher and what you soon learn is that children most respect the teachers who have authority and clear rules and also the ones that are able to challenge their students firmly but fairly. The teachers that try to be friends get slaughtered. As do the teachers who let kids get away with anything. Although children may love their parents the respect thing is the same.
You may have a great relationship with your dd now but if you carry on allowing her to rule the roost and always negotiate you will find it increasingly difficult to manage her behaviour.
As for my example earlier. No, I don't think I would have kicked up any less of a fuss if my parents had 'negotiated'. My parents will have explained why we should go to see elderly relatives. It is perfectly normal for children to kick up a fuss on occasion (and actually I did it fairly rarely because I knew it would get me precisely nowhere and generally speaking I knew my parents were right). As a chid in that instance I was being selfish and thoughtless. I respect my parents for sticking to their guns.
And there are loads of instances like this. Thank you cards for example, going on walks etc etc. And I believe that it was absolutely right of my parents to set firm but fair rules. Which is not to say that children should do what their parents want and not what they want all the time. Or that there will be times when the rules can be relaxed.
Can I also say that the idea of negotiating and talking about points of view with a 3 year old is really quite silly. There will be times when a 3 year old just will not understand the adult point of view. They are 3. You are the adult. You make the rules.
If families really got run with families who 'negotiatied' and achieved 'consensus' with their children then there would be times when tehy would all end up sitting on their bums eating ice cream all day, watching unsuitable films and not going to school. Oh, yes, sadly this does happen and increasingly. Did you hear about the boy who threw his Wii agains the wall and that had tantrums for a week until his parents bought him anotehr?
And I appreciate that you're trying to win an argument here but I'm sure there are times when you 'lay down the law' as well. What about bed times for example? And meal times? I cannot believe that there is a child in the world who always does what they're told (even allowing for games and bribery etc). Every child has a screaming tantrum sometimes. That's a normal part of childhood. And any adult who gives in is naive at best.