Do you do things/activities as a family all together?

[staryeyed]

If so what do you do and how old are your children?

Hi Bink - i've found this thread amusing - and to be honest i think the major difference between the posters is the ages of their children, with a secondary differentiator being the number of children involved. i suspect the parenting strategies anna adopts for one placid 3 year old girl would be impractical and inappropriate for most families - doesn't mean they're wrong for her but just not necessarily of widespread application.

i know in my family if i had to negotiate every decision we would never get anyone anywhere on time - and giving one child the power to make the others late would be a recipe for complete disaster. However, I may just have particularly unpleasant and antisocial children (the product of being a full time WAHM perhaps!) so this may not apply to anyone else. Nevertheless I love my children very much and, from what i can observe, they are all very fond of each other and when the chips are down would walk through broken glass and burning coals for each other. It's just that when the chips aren't down they are quite happy to wind each other up.

Good post Mrs Wobble and I think you hit the nail on the head.

It's fine to post about your successes as a parent, but not to imply that everyone else should learn from you and that your strategies would automatically work in their situation.

Anna sounds like a believer in the nurture over nature argument because it allows her to take the parenting credit for her mild-tempered precocious daughter and pin any less desirable traits in her stepsons on their mother, the ex-wife.

Her daughter never had tantrums, lol! Mine had 'tantrums' even from babies, way before they were old enough to understand reason and choice and respect and appreciate long conversations. Maybe her dd inherited her cold and fiercely logical mind. Mine certainly inherited my emotionality - and I get kisses and cuddles galore and going spare, the flipside of tantrums.

blueshoes - no, I believe in nature not nurture - the child decides when he/she is ready, not the parent

yes, Anna, I too believe in nature over nurture, if that is how you choose to define that term in this instance.

Anna - Getting a three year old to choose her own jeans, choose the restaurant, suggest a restaurant etc is making her life more complicated than it should be. You are going to end up with a neurotic people pleaser.

Also telling your toddler who doesn't brush her teeth that she will smell like a dog is no more dishonest than telling her she'll get holes in her teeth.

I sweetly (by my standards) allowed my beloved daughters to choose which Pirate T-shirt they wanted me to order online.

However, when DD2 decided that the one that arrived wasn't what she'd chosen, I had no compunction about refusing to send it back and plonking her in the bath while she bellowed I HATE MY PARENTS.

Am confused as to whether this makes me Good Parent or Bad One...

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I think it makes you a normal parent.

I've trained mine well. I always say 'You can do X if you like, but if it all goes wrong what will I say to you?'

and they chorus 'Hard Ched, live with it!'

Swedes - your 3 year-old child might find those decisions overly complicated and onerous, my child revels in them

How do you know that your child is ready to make its own decisions if you don't let him/her try to? How can your child move on from taking little, simple decisions (a pair of jeans) to huge, complex ones (how many millions to invest in a given business strategy) if you don't involve him/her in decision-making as soon and as often as he/she is able?

Cod - well, in this household we would have giggled and left whichever child was wearing its school uniform in bed just as it was

cod - your ds3 has been reading the slacker parent thread.

I think too much choice for young children feels like a burden to them. Asking a fussy eater whether he wants avacado and crab sandwiches, aubergine melanzane or cocoa pops for lunch is a complete waste of time.

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It will only be a burden to the child not yet ready to cope with - enjoy, even - a lot of information. Some children get there sooner than others. Children who like lots of information will be bored if they don't get involved in making their own choices.

I try and operate a system where I rarely have to be negative about things. If I offer my daughter a choice of what to wear that day, I will end up having to undermine her choice of fairy tutu in order to go out to the park. I think it's easier to put her in a no choice jeans and jumper to begin with. I save choice for when it really doesn't matter: what 3 colour paints shall we mix today?

I rather like the fairy tutu under a tracksuit with wellies look

In fact, I have slight feelings of nostalgia about that time in her life - now long gone

has this thread kicked off (nearly 400 messages that I can't be bothered to read)?

we do things together as a family but I think its as important to split up sometimes (3 children, all different interests)

eg dd2 (5) doesnt like long country walks whereas dd1/dd3 and dh and myself do, not fair to MAKE her come with us all the time, so sometimes her and I do something drawingy or writingy at home while the others go.

Yes Enid

Heavy duty discussion of whether Mother or Child decides...

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Sounds perfectly fair enough to leave him at home to self flagglelate then.

we all went to Longleat yesterday

had wonderful day en famille

but at weekend we split up a lot

I always let my children decide what they want to do - they always want to do nice things and are all very thoughtful, reasonable kids so its never a problem.

Brief synopsis for Enid - Anna calls other people's parenting "brutalising" with absolutely zero justification.

Yes, it's like that in our household Enid

I can't help it but I find your posts, Anna, rather smug and superior .... sort of, my way is the only way. Your style of parenting suits your obviously placid DD, but it might well not suit a bolshy, emotional, demanding whirlwind type of child (much like my DD1 was at that age).

Surely the best way is to tailor your parenting to the personality of the child? My DDs are soooo very different and how you negotiate might well have worked with DD2 but I know for a fact it would not have worked with my DD1. She needed clear guidelines and rules of the house to function.

I just wish you would give a little and admit it suits you and your child but might well not suit all.