Honestly, what are your three year olds like at tidying after themselves?

[Whatsgoinonhere]

I’m aware this is probably going to get me flamed but my DS barely has a functioning toy because everything is so badly stored (my fault) and looked after.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. I do tell him for instance to put the lids back on things or to put that toy back in the box but he either ignores me or does such a bad job - forces the lid on so the pen ends up broken - it’s easier for me to try to do it.

When he wants to play he just empties the boxes all over the floor. I know toy rotation is often recommended but the problems with that are firstly not many toys are functioning, secondly, when I’ve tried it before I inevitably end up forgetting and finally storage of said toys!

I don’t know if there are any answers to this or any sympathy but I’d welcome help.

He's 3! The answer is to help him tidy and teach him as you go along. But ultimately until he's older you need to do the bulk of tidying and sorting and keeping things in good condition.

Yup mine goes round the house tipping stuff out everywhere if allowed to.
does help out it away though

It’s completely unreasonable to expect a 3 yo to tidy up. They might 'help' (if in the mood or it you make it into a game) but they will rarely (never) tidy up themselves.

Terrible! It’s something I’m really working in with him currently as it drives me mad.

A 3 year old who tidies up, puts things carefully away, puts lids back on properly? I think you might have to manage your expectations!

When you start a post asking about your three year olds and people reply with ‘he is three’ it’s REALLY not helpful.

The reason I am asking is because I’ve seen on here that a lot of people act shocked when children don’t tidy up well. So I was only asking - it’s reassuring it isn’t just us although doesn’t solve the house being a tip problem.

I never asked my children to tidy as they went along. We always had tidy up time after dinner and then straight into bedtime routine so no more toys got out. I would help tidy and do the bits they found hard like putting lids on and encourage them to look after everything. My children still ask me to help tidy their rooms and I ask them to help tidy other areas, we are a family who help each other. My mil was recently widowed and my 15yo has taken it upon himself to go over after school once a week to help with anything she needs doing.
I also don’t think a three year old should have too many toys that can be broken. Mine had a wooden railway, some playmobil 123, duplo, wooden food and cuddlies.

And when the wooden railway is scattered far and wide, the toy food is turning up under sofas, in the oven, down the toilet?

OP, I think posters are rather astonished that you seem to expect a 3 year old to have more rational thought than is, usually, the norm.

The only answer is for you to do the tidying, sort out broken toys and make sure everything is unpacked and packed away as you wish. As another poster said, you can encourage your DC to help and make it into a game. But the bottom line is that it's your responsibility until they are older.

My eldest would tidy up at age 3. Yes, I helped a lot, but we always got everything back before bed time.

What a shock when my twins came along. They are 3 now. They do NOT cooperate with tidying. They "help" but are so flipping useless at it, honestly its better to wait till they are in bed.

Avoid things that have breakable parts. duplo is great - just had a big tub or basket to chuck it in. Fill time with disposable things - yesterday we did some magic painting on the floor and then did some sticker pictures (big massive mixed pack of stickers that cost £5 and will last is weeks and weeks). We walk a lot as they aren't making a mess then.

Honestly, if you have a messy 3 year old, don't have brealable things and avoid too much time at home playing! Life is HARD otherwise.

I agree but it’s just I have read comments on here in the last when I’ve reached out for advice to the gist of I’ve done a really bad job at getting him to tidy after himself. So it’s reassuring that maybe this isn’t the case.

Duplo is Lego right? Surely that’s got LOADS of parts?

Developmentally, it would be very unusual for a child so young to tidy up efficiently completely independently. When mine were that age, I always led by example and made it clear that participation was expected. They had to participate at nursery, so regularly joining with other children doing so encouraged them. I was ultimately responsible for that until they got older. As for finding toys in the oven and down the toilet, that’s a supervision issue. Mine were restricted to one room at a time and I watched them. I can’t imagine a scenario in which they’d have managed to out a toy in the toilet without my witnessing it.

putting toys in the loo and oven is nothing to do with tidying up though, is it? That’s unsupervised and unsafe play. That needs explaining and swiftly imposed consequences. Tidy time after playing is appropriate but no 3 yr old I’ve met spontaneously or independently tidies

It isn’t safe for a 3 year old to play unsupervised in the kitchen or the bathroom. That is why my children’s toys never ended up in the toilet or oven.

He isn’t, he just runs in with it sometimes.

You make clear that isn’t allowed.

So it seems it is a parenting issue as he generally does ignore me .

My 3 year old tidies up after herself. She knows not to get another toy out before she puts the first one away.

She didn’t just appear this way, though. We had to teach her.

You have to show your son how to properly look after his things; how to put the pen lid on gently, how to store things away correctly etc. It’s an ongoing process.

You should absolutely not be just letting him grab boxes and empty them all over the floor

3 year olds do ignore you, you have to find a way to discipline him so he wants to behave. So in this example I would say ‘toys stay in this room’. If he takes a toy away remind him of the rule and if he still doesn’t comply you take the toy away for a couple of days. Be consistent and he will realise it isn’t worth breaking the rule. Please start now so you don’t end up with an older child who ignores you.

You need to brace yourself for this, but you will be finding bits and pieces for at least the next 15 years. I found a marble this week, both DS are at University.

And some point the toy food will turn into empty plates and bowls.

At three, mine would help but need very specific instructions eg. "Can you put all the cars in this box". It would take an adult to know which box they live in, find the box, then put the box away once the child had put the toys in it.

If it's already got to the point that everything is mixed up and everywhere, then you probably need to set a side a day without the 3yo, to find everything and sort it. I'd recommend having a set box for each type of toy, then spend 10 minutes putting everything back in the right box at the end of the day.

Thanks. I’ve been trying really hard to go that but it just all keeps getting messed up.

So don’t allow it to get messed up. Hold boundaries. Teach your son how to look after his toys instead of just being despondent about it.

He behaves like this because you allow him to.

My 3yo tidies after herself but facilitated by me. So if train stuff is out in the morning we pack it away together before lunch and it goes back where it belongs. If her room is a big mess she knows it needs to be tidy before tv time and can do that by herself now (although initially I would have tidied alongside her to demonstrate how it’s done). Pens would all need lids on and put away before we move into the next thing. She does sometimes push back but I’m firm and consistent with all the kids about this so she knows she will eventually have to do it.

Things that help; everything tidied at the end of each day so no cumulative mess, clear storage and a place for everything (they can’t manage working out where a thing might go if it’s not already established), regular sorting by me to ensure games and puzzles and sets get reunited with their parts , broken or outgrown toys regularly cleared out, model and explain expectation that we care for our things and are all responsible for keeping the house nice.

It’s a process but one that is well worth investing effort in while they are small and easier to influence. You don’t want to be trying to install this stuff in a tween when it’s too late. Good luck!