How do you split finances? Returning from maternity leave

[Honeybeebuzz]

Ive just returned to work after being off on leave for a year. During the year off i still paid my half of the mortgage and some of the bills but my DH did pay some of the bills on his own (after schools bill, internet etc). We both paid into the joint account which covers weekly food shop and other household expenses.
Im now back to work but im back part-time so my earnings are about 30% less than my partners.

He has decided that we should now pay 50:50 for all bills (mortgage, gas, internet, daycare etc) and then he will put money into the joint account to cover weekly shops and other day to day expenses. This will leave me with about £100 a week left for myself. I don't know if i feel comfortable with this.
I feel we should both put in a percentage of our earnings into an account to cover all bills and expenses and then any extra can carry over to the next month. How do other parents navigate finances when one earns more or you go part time?

My husband suggested he give me an allowance when I dropped to zero pay on my first mat leave 16 years ago. I laughed in his face and said absolutely no way. Since then everything we earned has gone into one pot. We pay the bills, save a bit and then spend the rest. Some months I spend more and some months he does. I think we've been very lucky but it has pretty much panned out evenly. Now we are both full time again we've just carried on.

Are you part time for childcare? Or for more work life balance or other projects?

I'm the higher earner and we split finances 50/50. We both work FT.

We pool our money and each get equal “fun” money. If you don’t want to pool, you should still end up with equal discretionary budgets.

child related expenses are not discretionary spending or fun money. Maternity clothes are not discretionary spending. Birth control, not discretionary spending.

it’s easier just to put everything in one pot and behave like adults.

We had a joint account once we had kids, so much fairer

We don't split it at all. All money goes into one pot. Any large purchases we would check with each other but otherwise it's the same money with equal access. The ides of working out who is paying what percentage of the mortgage or the council tax or whatever is so odd when you're married.

We add together both of our incomes and split everything evenly. Husband transfers money to me each month to balance things out as I pay more of the bills.

Agree!

So you are working less to (presumably) save money on childcare fees, and he wants you to pay 50% of the bills whilst he benefs from his 50% being lower due to the savings in childcare

That seems... fundamentally unequal and unfair

Everything goes into one pot, we do have separates ISAs because you have to, and credit cards so we can buy surprises.

It's so demeaning to think you have to ask for money from your equal partner and stingy if your DP earns more not to share it.

Should probably add we only do it this way as don't have one big joint account - always seemed too much of an effort to set up with direct debits etc! But would do if could, so much more sensible!

So you're earning 30% less than your partner? Is that post or pre tax?

And he's suggested 50/50 on bills but he will pay for all food shops and all things day to day? Like petrol? Meals out? Clothes?

Is the 30% more he's earning going to be taken up by paying for the food shops / petrol / meals / clothes / day to day spending? How much is he left with a week?

Joint account here, set it up when I got pregnant because I bought the house before we were together and all the bills went out of my account. We do have separate savings accounts, ISAs etc though. When DH first moved in he used to give me a cheque for half the household bills and, because he earned more than me, paid for nights out, holidays and takeaways etc. I don't understand couples with kids who don't just see their income as 'family money'.

I would do the maths for both op and see where you end up. A month's food shop will include nappies and milk if you're not breastfeeding. Day to day expenses includes baby clubs and any baby related items.

How much do you have left of you do it your way?

difficult to tell really without figures
you’ve dropped your hours so earning less
but he’s picked up food bill and day to day expenses extra
how does the extra he pay compare with the wages you have lost how much does he have left

Like others we pool our money for all bills etc and then split the remainder for equal 'fun money'.

I absolutely cannot get my head around couples that are happy having different standards of living from one another.

Thanks, we have several accounts and direct debits set up from a lot of my DHs so i then pay my half to him directly.

I don't know if we are saving money by me working part-time, if i worked full time id earn more than DH but i want to spend time with the kids when they're young.

Im happy to pull most of the money together but think we need separate spending money for our own personal things- i pay a monthly car lease separately which he doesn't.

Just think if we pull a percentage of our wages to cover everything it would be more fair than 50/50 on bills and then feeling like im spending his money on the household?

This sounds unnecessarily complicated and potentially unfair.

Our salaries go into a joint account, we budget and pay all of bills and expenses from that account (groceries, childcare, mortgage and utilities), then we both get the same amount of personal budget transferred to our personal accounts to do with what we like.

I earn more than DH, but I'd hate for him to have less money than I do.

The personal spending pot works really well for us to have frivolous spending that we don't have to justify and the other person has no sight of.

Is he giving you 50% of what you've dropped in salary to cover the costs of you cutting your hours to care for his child? If not, I'd offer to go back to work full-time, you split the childcare, and you make damned sure you split the housework, adminand mental load of running the home and raising a family.

DH and I have separate accounts, but we work out bills, savings, holiday fund etc. and what's left is split 50:50. I'm by far the biggest earner, but have no problem with this. I don't understand families with children when one person is left with less spare money than the other.

Exactly the same as @swedishmom24 salaries into the joint account, all DDs are taken from there so we can both see them rather than it coming out of a sole account.

The same amount of money is transferred automatically into our own accounts for personal spends. Dh and I know each other well enough not to spend money on silly things and we were both on the same page re spending on the children and we communicated lots. It feels a bit like a flat share when people start saying you pay this and I will pay that. You are a family, pool the money, talk about money. Every year Dh and I have an evening where we talk about money over the last year and our intentions for the new year, ie if we have to fund house things or holidays we want to take.

These days it is incredibly simple to set up a new bank account and transfer all the DDs automatically without you doing anything, even payments in like salaries. The only thing is it requires the original account to be closed down. When we moved banks we did this, moved the joint account and our individual accounts across. We are now with Santander because they pay us money to have a bank account with them despite the monthly fee, we still made around £120 for the year for just having an account there.

This is what we do. We put a proportion of our earnings into a joint account leaving us with the same amount each leftover.

We pay in to our joint account proportional to what we earn, so it changes over time but it's worked well for us. I'm the higher earner; I'd happily have everything joint but DH is adamant he prefers it this way. I try to make up for it by doing the groceries more and I cover most of things like holidays, discretionary spends like meals out etc to try to even it up further as I have more disposable income left over which doesn't always seem right.

All in one pot, each take an equal sum back into own accounts for personal spends. He earns more than me.

And when he was on paternity leave (we split the leave both times) I paid for all the bills, mortgage etc while he was off and on statutory pay/nothing. Because I'm not a selfish arse.

Im happy to pull most of the money together but think we need separate spending money for our own personal things- i pay a monthly car lease separately which he doesn't.

Just think if we pull a percentage of our wages to cover everything it would be more fair than 50/50 on bills and then feeling like im spending his money on the household?
But why is the car only your expense? We have two cars, they are both ours. One used to be leased, now we own both. Lease and savings to buy came out of joint account always.

What do you mean about spending his money on the household? His money is household money, same as yours is