How do you split finances? Returning from maternity leave

[Honeybeebuzz]

Ive just returned to work after being off on leave for a year. During the year off i still paid my half of the mortgage and some of the bills but my DH did pay some of the bills on his own (after schools bill, internet etc). We both paid into the joint account which covers weekly food shop and other household expenses.
Im now back to work but im back part-time so my earnings are about 30% less than my partners.

He has decided that we should now pay 50:50 for all bills (mortgage, gas, internet, daycare etc) and then he will put money into the joint account to cover weekly shops and other day to day expenses. This will leave me with about £100 a week left for myself. I don't know if i feel comfortable with this.
I feel we should both put in a percentage of our earnings into an account to cover all bills and expenses and then any extra can carry over to the next month. How do other parents navigate finances when one earns more or you go part time?

We’ve always been a one pot family. All money goes into a joint account. Bills get paid, savings for retirement/education gets removed and if there was anything left it went into a savings account for holidays, cars or whatever we might need.

There was no way I was going to ever have to ask for money when I was doing the lions share of childcare and household management enabling my DH to make more money because he knew I was taking care of everything else.

My and DH earn roughly the same. From our actual day time jobs I earn twice as much as him but he also has other income from coaching. We just put everything into one account and nothing is ‘split’ per se, everything just goes there. Even when I was the higher earner it was like this. When we married we took on what’s ours is each other’s. I can’t imagine not being like this. I find split finances or ‘paying towards’ stuff separately really strange when you’re married

We have always had a joint account, one earns £130k other earns £35k, doesn’t matter, we are a team. Pooled money and equal access. We both just check in and communicate on larger purchases. Credit cards for gift spends and paid off at end of the monrh.

OK, so you choosing to go part time is for time with the kids not to save money, therefore it needs to be 50/50.

Just think if we pull a percentage of our wages to cover everything it would be more fair than 50/50 on bills and then feeling like im spending his money on the household?

You are not spending ‘his’ money on the household, you are a couple each contributing equally. You are doing more childcare and I imagine household chores as you work less and he is contributing more financially as he earns more.
You should each have an equal amount of money left to spend/save after bills are paid.

No way in hell.

If you have reduced your income to look after your joint baby and house, he needs to provide financially. If he doesn't want to, tell him he needs to pay you an hourly rate for childcare and housework.

Do not give your labour for free. Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it.

If it was a joint decision to go part time the he should effectively transfer 50% of the lost salary to you before calculations. If you decided unilaterally then you should work out 50% of childcare fees and take that into account

this is a bit clinical though. I’d suggest that you both pay a proportionate percentage based on household income. The other alternative (and probably fairer) is that you combine all income and both get the same amount of ‘fun money’ regardless of income. The last approach means that you absolutely need to be aligned on the value of non financial contributions thiugh. So talk about expectations. Does he expect that if youre working pt the all house cleaning/kids activities/sick days fall to you? You really need to talk and understand what each party is expecting here

We just chuck it all in one pot. Saves all the agonising about what it 'fair'.

OK, so you choosing to go part time is for time with the kids not to save money, therefore it needs to be 50/50.
I am not following that logic at all. OP earns less, but presumably now needs to pay less nursery or other care?
By that logic if OP was a SAHM would she still pay 50/50?

I agree with @BadgersGate and many others on here, you are one household unit there’s no his or hers.

OK, so you choosing to go part time is for time with the kids not to save money, therefore it needs to be 50/50.

Well as long as he does half of the childcare and household jobs…

If you don't want to pool finances then you should atleast have the same amount of personal spends left over each month. Child related purchases should be paid for jointly, not by you!

I don't understand why you don't pool finances though, what if one of you got sick long term? Would he leave you with nothing?

Ours all goes into one pot and has done since we got married, prior to this we just went 50/50 on all bills etc, then kept our own remainder in personal accounts... He would then buy dinners out etc as he was the higher earner.
We keep a credit card each to buy gifts on then just pay them off, everything else comes out of the same pot, just seems the fairest way for us now we're married with kids

We split household bills and food shop etc 50/50. Until mat leave I earned a lot more so I put money aside to cover loss of earnings over mat leave. I'm going back part time. We'll still split things 50/50 for the time being and see how it goes. My husband is paying back a debt so although he now earns more than I will he still won't have much disposable income.

You should pay proportionally - or have a joint account.

His dc, his costs! Your career is taking the hit here so you should be recompensed. You should have equal spending money.

What would the extra childcare costs be if you were FT?

Does your DH realise that by staying home you're saving him money?

Will you have the same amount of "fun" money each after this split.

Will he be happy to do the same if & when you go back to work FT and out-earn him and he has to ask you for money to pay for things, or would he find that degrading?

I don't know if we are saving money by me working part-time, if i worked full time id earn more than DH but i want to spend time with the kids when they're young.

See this sort of indicates that you would have the same joint income if you worked full time, because you earn more than your DH i.e. you would he covering more of the childcare bills

But now that he earns more he wants the bills 50/50

So essentially he is saving money. By only insisting on 50/50 when it suits him

I would he interested to know what would happen if you told him you were fine with 50/50 if you go back to work full time and ge covers 50% of the bills including the increased childcare

Because you are talking about joint household income, and he is not.

I say it on every "joint bills" thread on here, but I'll say it again:

However you decide to split your finances (personally we do % share into joint account for bills) one of your new family expenses is covering the loss of your pension contributions, including your employer contribution, of you working part time. The joint account should top up your pension by the amount you are loosing. Please make sure you do this!

So he has his own car and I lease mine, I use it for work too. We both pay all our car costs separately - tax insurance etc

So he's saying he'll put money into the joint for me to use to cover household items, shopping etc so if im out getting things for the kids/house itll be his money in the joint account used

That might sound ok, I would teach yourself to not care one bit that it’s his money going into the household account? Because that problem is frankly in your head, and you should get over it and spend as normal. If the problem isn’t just in your head, that is if he will get stroppy about very normal spending then I’d say this isn’t working.
If he is fine with this, unless he has lots more than you left each month, it sounds fine?

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This guy answers the question very simply for you

All one pot , way too complicated otherwise. Then we discuss bigger purchases.
but our life is joint therefore so are finances, that's the way we see it.

All into a joint account and from there everything is paid - mortgage, household bills, food/toiletries, toddler classes/groups, car costs/fuel, days out etc. We also move some into family savings and we top up my pension.

We each take equal amounts to put into our personal spends account too which is ours to do what we like with. I save half of mine and DH usually spends his on random stuff he likes for a hobby.

I work PT in a low paid role while doing the majority of our childcare and DH works offshore earning far more than me so is away a lot.

We worked out what our total monthly costs are and divided that by two. Then we each put that amount into the joint account. All our bills including childcare and mortgage come out of that account. Whatever is left over we keep for ourselves.

We are fortunate that we both work FT and earn a similar salary so there's no huge disparity. I would find it hard if he had loads of disposable income and I didn't.

So he's saying he'll put money into the joint for me to use to cover household items, shopping etc so if im out getting things for the kids/house itll be his money in the joint account used
Good. Sounds OK as long as it's enough and he's not leaving the household short. DH's money is his and mine us mine only technically in that it arrives from our employers into our separate accounts. After that we both split it between the joint account and joint savings. It isn't his money going into the household account it's the household money going into the household pot.

Having read your update I don’t think it’s miles away from fair
again without figures we can only guess

you say when full time you earned more than him so logically your take home wage for working three days isn’t going to be massively lower than him working full time

and he’s paying for shopping and day to day things extra on top of the 50% of bills

the harsh reality is you will have less money when you have kids