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Original poster

Ex wants to keep DD off school to spend time with her

91 replies

Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:18

I'll try and keep this short. At the start of our seperation 2.5 years ago STBXH moved abroad and visits 5 yo DD once a year (his choice, he could definitely visit more). We tried indirect contact but it failed miserably due to a lack of commitment and interest on his part.

I'm taking DD away on holiday a week after next as it's the only time we could afford to go. Ex is aware of this and I explained that during his 2-week visit he could only see her for 5-6 days and suggested he visits during spring break in Feb and has her for full 10 days. He agreed.

However, he changed his mind a few days ago. He is taking DD Sunday to Thursday and plans to keep her off school. He will be staying at a relative's place who lives an hour's drive from DD's school. I presume he cba with the drive as he did complain the last time he had to do the school run for 2 days. He also feels that because I am taking DD on holiday during school term, he could just not send her to school and stay at wherever he's staying. Family will be at work/school so it'll be just the 2 of them at home, doing nothing.

I have already told him no but fear he will do what's on his mind.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 10/01/2024 17:21

Obviously he shouldn’t be taking her out of school but equally taking her out of school to spend time with her dad is, on paper, more of a reason to do so than a holiday, so…

bobomomo · 10/01/2024 17:22

Sorry but you are both in the wrong, why are you taking her out of school in January? Not being able to afford a holiday in the school holidays is not a reason, take a trip you can afford

Overthebow · 10/01/2024 17:24

Well I’d let him take her out of school so she can spend time with her dad over taking her out for a holiday, so yabu.

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pictoosh · 10/01/2024 17:25

What's good for the goose...

I don't think you can make a stand over this one, sorry.

itsmyp4rty · 10/01/2024 17:27

So if he took her away on holiday it would be alright for him to keep her off school? If you're taking her out of school then I don't really think you can argue that he can't. She's only 5 so at that age I wouldn't worry too much.

WhatanEmbarrasment · 10/01/2024 17:27

Yabu

cansu · 10/01/2024 17:27

Well you can hardly complain about his poor decision when you are doing the same! Arguably your decision is less understandable as you could take a holiday at another time ie in the school holidays.

egowise · 10/01/2024 17:28

Time off to see dad trump's time off for holiday

Jellybean85 · 10/01/2024 17:28

HA well you're either both right or both wrong... pick your poison lol
At 5 I think both are fine but you're being a bit of a hypocrite 🙈

Original poster
Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:29

I know I'm not the best mum for taking her on holiday during school term but it's the only time I could get off work and the affordability factor also.

He could really visit at anytime but doesn't despite flights being very cheap and he has a lot of free time.

OP posts:
Scutterbug · 10/01/2024 17:30

I guess you will each have to pay the fines for keeping her off.

Overthebow · 10/01/2024 17:32

Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:29

I know I'm not the best mum for taking her on holiday during school term but it's the only time I could get off work and the affordability factor also.

He could really visit at anytime but doesn't despite flights being very cheap and he has a lot of free time.

A holiday isn’t essential, you didn’t have to book it. Seeing her dad is important and she should do that as priority instead of the holiday.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 10/01/2024 17:34

I feel like a kid having the time off to see family they wouldn't usually (albeit could be in holidays from what you say) is more of a reason to have time off school than to go away on holiday.

Original poster
Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:37

Holiday has been booked for a while. He informed of his visit a about a week ago. Last year, I asked if he could send me a plan of when he will visit this year. He said during the school holidays. But has obviously changed his mind.

OP posts:
IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 10/01/2024 17:38

Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:37

Holiday has been booked for a while. He informed of his visit a about a week ago. Last year, I asked if he could send me a plan of when he will visit this year. He said during the school holidays. But has obviously changed his mind.

He could have came in the holidays. But you could have booked a holiday for the holidays if you'd waited a bit longer/saved a bit more.

I get holidays are cheaper in term time (do what you want to) but you can't moan if he's only planning on what you're doing too.

Original poster
Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:39

The school have no way of reaching him - no address and UK number so I will be held responsible for paying his fine.

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 10/01/2024 17:41

So it’s ok for you to book a holiday in term time because it’s cheaper, but it’s not ok for him to book his flights in term time - when it will also be cheaper?
YABVVVU

Soontobe60 · 10/01/2024 17:43

Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:39

The school have no way of reaching him - no address and UK number so I will be held responsible for paying his fine.

He won’t get a fine if he lives abroad! You might get two though - one for her being off with him and another when you take her on holiday.

Sux2buthen · 10/01/2024 17:44

These replies are bizarre.
He's doing less than the bare minimum and you're getting it in the neck for taking your child out of school in term time 🤦🏻‍♀️and the child is 5, possibly not even required to be at school yet lol.
Not much you can do OP but he sounds like a waste of time

Theunamedcat · 10/01/2024 17:44

He could make an effort though

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 10/01/2024 17:44

Both parents get fined if the child has unauthorised time off school. Not sure how it would work if one parent likes abroad but I think it goes through the council not the school.

Original poster
Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:45

My point is any week in the year for him is fine.

He was supposed to visit in the summer, but didn't. He then said October, then first week of January, then Spring break. He didn't come in any of these days despite saying he would.

OP posts:
Mariposistaa · 10/01/2024 17:47

Neither of you should be taking this child out of school in term time. School time means school time - holidays means downtime. If you can't afford a holiday or can't get time off in holiday time - you don't go. Simple as. That is part and parcel of choosing to have a child. You aren't as free as child-free people.

WhatanEmbarrasment · 10/01/2024 17:50

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 10/01/2024 17:44

Both parents get fined if the child has unauthorised time off school. Not sure how it would work if one parent likes abroad but I think it goes through the council not the school.

No they don’t my ex is absent and isn’t down on the schools records so how exactly would they fine him they don’t even know who he is?

Original poster
Ellie991 · 10/01/2024 17:50

I understand that taking a child on holiday during school time is not the right thing to do. Unfortunately, I can't cancel and losing all that money. So we will have to go.

OP posts: