Ex wants to keep DD off school to spend time with her

[Ellie991]

I'll try and keep this short. At the start of our seperation 2.5 years ago STBXH moved abroad and visits 5 yo DD once a year (his choice, he could definitely visit more). We tried indirect contact but it failed miserably due to a lack of commitment and interest on his part.

I'm taking DD away on holiday a week after next as it's the only time we could afford to go. Ex is aware of this and I explained that during his 2-week visit he could only see her for 5-6 days and suggested he visits during spring break in Feb and has her for full 10 days. He agreed.

However, he changed his mind a few days ago. He is taking DD Sunday to Thursday and plans to keep her off school. He will be staying at a relative's place who lives an hour's drive from DD's school. I presume he cba with the drive as he did complain the last time he had to do the school run for 2 days. He also feels that because I am taking DD on holiday during school term, he could just not send her to school and stay at wherever he's staying. Family will be at work/school so it'll be just the 2 of them at home, doing nothing.

I have already told him no but fear he will do what's on his mind.

I'm less bothered about the time out of school and more surprised that he's having her for 10 days and you're fine with that?
She's only 5 and has seen him once a year since she was 2.5. So maybe twice or three times? At an age where they don't really remember much. Does she know him at all? How is she going to feel being away with this stranger without you for 10 days?

@WhatanEmbarrasment well I've never took my kids out of school for a holiday so don't know all the details. My sons dad isn't on the records either but assumed most of the time if they're on Birth Certificate or whatever they would be able to find them. Obviously not the case.

You lost your upper hand when you booked a term time holiday. Your both sending the message school is optional for parental convenience

He is not tracable in the UK. Even if I do provide the council with his number, he will just ignore their calls and take no action to pay the fine.

I think you’re getting a harsh time for the holiday thing. It’s absolutely wild people are saying you should just take her another time, as though you can magic money. Or that you should go somewhere else, like only richer children are allowed to go abroad or whatever.
i think holidays are good for children, more than sitting at home watching tv wether it’s with their dad or not. So it depends what you’re each doing if they’re comparable or not.

that said I probably wouldn’t make a fuss at 5, just leave him to it other than the fine. That I wouldn’t pay, definitely make sure the school know who she’s with and how to reach him.

Sorry just saw that he's not taking her for 10 days although you did offer it but even Sunday to Thursday is a long time for her

It's fine to take her on holiday during term time. What is not ok is to them object to dad taking her out of school during term time. Either you care about her schooling or you don't.

Millions are in the same boat. You’re not supposed to take them out of school in term time.

If you do, how can you possibly think you can tell him the same doesn’t apply to him?

No you won't you still have the option of not going if you're really that bothered.

There can't be one rule for you and another for him.

No one is entitled to go abroad. It's not an essential. Schooling is.

I think this sums it up really

I was told I have to let him do what he wants because he is on the birth certificate otherwise I will be seen as alientaing child from father. Parental responsibility is equal although he does nothing for DD. There seems to be no way around it.

I feel uncomfortable with the whole forced contact situation. They have no relationship and DD is more excited to see paternal cousins than him.

You can't complain when you're taking her out for a holiday. If you can't afford one outside out of term time, don't go:

Thank you all for sharing your views. My point is with his visit she will miss almost 2 weeks of school where he could've arranged to visit during any other week and not a week before we go away. If he had let me know he was visiting earlier, I probably wouldn't have booked our holiday at all and saved my money.

Althought not great, but holiday is still going ahead.

I will also not suggest he sends her to school. I realise that time with him although a very absent father by choice is important. I will also pay his fine if it comes to it. Rather this than be taken to court.

I mean, he is a shit dad, that is clear.

But on this specific point (dd being off school to spend time with him) you lose any moral highground as you yourself keep dd off when you don't have to.

Just read full thread. You don't have to do any of this!! I would not send a 5 year old for ten days, poor thing.

The OP suggested 10 days. Then said

He is taking DD Sunday to Thursday

So 5 days.

When is your child getting an education then?

Yeah I made that mistake at first but a) she OFFERED 10 days which is madness and b) 5 days is still a long time for a 5 year old to spend with a virtual stranger

Sorry only skimmed thread so apologies if I'm repeating this. Is it court ordered contact or is your ex ordering it? If there is no court order in place you don't have to send her

I unfortunately have to allow contact as he wishes because he is on the birth certificate. He said he could not see her during term time just holidays. But he has changed his mind now, very last minute and I have to accomodate.

@Ellie991 it doesn't matter if he's on the birth certificate or not if he hasn't been to court

Where does he live? Is he a flight risk with her?

We don't have a court order in place. We are working on divorce, finances and DD contact but he changes his mind about everything all of the time.

Because he lives abroad he said he could only visit during the school holidays but missed 3 holidays so far and will miss upcoming spring break.