Parents - Do you think people without children have missed out?

[Pshop55]

So this is for parents only! I want to know if you feel that people without children are missing out on a big experience/feelings/joy & ‘don’t know what they are missing’ and be honest! No one is judging just want honest answers as we have been talking about this tonight, obviously everyone’s answers are just their own opinion before anyone gets offended!!

Yes, I do. For me (and disclaimer that of course it's bloody hard and monotonous a lot of the time and yes, I envy the child free time others have), I have 3 children aged 10 and under and these days are the best days of my life. I know I'll look back on this era with the greatness fondness because my children have brought a level of joy and love into my life that I just didn't know was possible. I adore them. Most of the time 😉

Absolutely this.

It's like " I went on ski holiday" Vs "i went on a beach holiday"

Both can be crap, both can be amazing but they are just fundamentally very different propositions.

Some people are more suited to one than the other and others would enjoy both just fine....

This is how I feel.

Parenting is hard work but blimey the rewards are huge . The fun , the laughter, the support , and memories with the people you love . What could be better .

Not having children by choice is exactly that. Often because it is clear what parenthood entails (inasmuch as it possible to see in public), and to live a childfree life is to decide that isn't something you want. It's an active decision to not want it. Therefore, missing it makes no sense. People would have made other choices in case they were afraid of missing out.

Our DC born when I was 43. Would never have considered getting pregnant any younger than 34/5. I love parenthood but it’s all the better for being able to say ‘been there, done that’ about traveling, going out, working abroad, career achievement etc. etc. Regarding parenthood, it’s great but childfree was also fulfilling. I would have been sad not to have kids but life was good and I don’t think that what I was missing eclipsed everything before. So I don’t think having a baby needs to be a definition of meaningful existence. I was sad when I thought the parenthood boat had sailed and left us behind but I wasn’t defined by it any more than I am by parenthood.

No, not at all. I would have been sad if I couldn't have kids as I always wanted kids as did my husband. Three of my four adult kids definitely don't want kids so I don't think they will be missing out.

Everyone wants different things in life.

Please 🙏 please 🙏 find your tribe @Strawberriesandpears

There is a tribe out there just waiting for you.

No.

@IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls Thank you. The fact that kind people like you take the time to reply to me makes me feel that there are people out there for me 🥰

I don't think they're missing out unless it was something they desperately wanted. You can have a full and meaningful life with or without kids.

God no! I don’t think they’re missing out at all. I think they’re laughing at us. Howling laughing into their chilled Pinot Grigio whilst we’re watching the Masked Singer and clearing up 4332 pieces of Lego and 127 felt tips and picking play-doh out of the carpet.

Nope. Not at all.

I have 2 DSs, 22/24. Obviously I made my choices and love them.

But I am not sure my life would have been lesser without them.

They are very important to me but not the centre of my being.

One thing that would've been different is that kids make a great excuse. 'I would've done that, but 🙄 kids, eh?' etc. Having kids allows you to abdicate certain choices in life.

There certainly are my lovely.

Yes I do. But I'd never tell that to anyone who was child free by choice. It doesn't matter really, because as long as they are happy in their lives, they don't know what they've missed really. Personally I'm someone who has never really yearned for children, and it happened fairly easily but if it hadn't I would have made my peace with it and wouldn't have used any interventions. And I would have been happy with my life without them, doing different things, and I would never have known the joy and satisfaction that comes from having them but I wouldn't have known I was missing out.

I think that this might be it. Having a healthy and happy family is a very different experience than having an unhappy child that you csnnot help. I also read somewhere that more childless people regret not having children once their in their 70s and life gets lonelier. That doesn't mean that it was the wrong choice for the 40 years prior to that though.

I didn't have kids until my thirties and I had a lovely quiet fulfilling life. However always felt something was missing. Never felt a love like it or happiness.

So yes. But not everyone is a fan of children 🤣

Nah not at all, I didn’t realise what a strain having kids can be, I really didn’t get it (I had mine late as well so spent loads of years thinking it was simpler than it actually is). I get serious pangs of envy around the childfree.

I think my mum would have been happier without kids. She is doing a lot of things now in retirement that are making her really happy and which she did miss out on because she was stuck at home with three young kids. Now, she travels, volunteers, has a partner who loves her, has hobbies and friends, and spends her money on culture.

I wish she’d been able to have all that 30 years ago, instead of which she had kids, which led her to a lot of anxiety and unhappiness. I don’t think we necessarily enhanced her life, much as she really loves her grandkids.

This. I think it's quite absurd to even contemplate someone has missed out by not having kids, if anything I'm sure they'll do alot more. I'd say there are many more happy childfree people than happy people with children.

Yep, me too. Maybe a thread for another day but I wonder if this is also more a thing with older parents because you have a really good life that you like and then you hugely disrupt it (assuming you were more on the fence about having them)

I didn't have kids until I was nearly 40. I was on the fence before then and slightly leaning towards being childfree.

I then had my daughter and cannot believe the joy she has brought into my life. I often think how close I came to not having her and I am so, so glad I didn't miss out.

I was fine with being childfree. If I hadn't had her, I would have continued to have a lovely life and would probably be online talking about how great it is not to have children.

However, having experienced both, I do feel as though non-parents are missing out.

All that said, I have two caveats: (1) I never romanticized or downplayed the hard aspects of parenting young children. It has been exactly as hard as I thought it would be (but I definitely underestimated the love and fun children bring). (2) My child appears to be entirely neurotypical and doesn't suffer from anything that may cause additional challenges in parenting her.

I am a later older mother, I had lived a full life and have been happy to make thee changes in my lifestyle needed for kids, we have no support near us and are only starting to have time going out as a couple occasionally now they can be left alone! I wasn't expecting some things like one child had anxiety which put us all under a lot of stress

Yes it is an unrepeatable amazing experience - the feeling of having created a human and watching them develop, that unconditional love given and received (until they start getting embarrassed by you ), the way that life will never be the same afterwards. An old friend got in contact in the months after my first and said 'you understand now . .' and I did, it's very hard to explain to non child people how even though it sounds tough (I was up all night, etc etc) actually it's still amazing

However people have different experiences and life paths, and being super good at a sport, having a dog, working in a really worthwhile job etc etc etc < add whatever gives someone joy here > makes life special in different ways for different people

I was writing at the same time as @EdgeOfACoin and very much agree

You have both hit the nail on the head. Having been an adult for 23 years before having DD I really missed my old life after she was born - the freedom to do what I liked when I liked, the loss of spontaneity, the lack of sleep, then the double whammy of her health issues and multiple stays at the children's hospital.

DD is an independent adult now and I love spending time with her as we have similar interests, but the baby years were very hard.

One thing that the child free hate being told is that they are missing out. No they aren't they chose not to have children. It's like someone telling me that I am missing out by not having a dog.

It depends on the type of person you are.
I am childfree by choice because children aren’t my thing. Everything about them is so alien to me and the thought of my life revolving around a child is not something I’m interested in. My best friend has two young children who I spend a lot of time with, and as much as I adore them because they are part of her, the only feeling I have afterwards is relief that it’s not the path I’ve chosen.
Of course there are things that I won’t experience or ‘miss out’ on, but the same can be said the other way round.